tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814771751990061325.post4736766775299022103..comments2023-11-26T01:21:35.860-07:00Comments on Mormon Mommy Writers and Friends: Be My EditorMarianne (Mare) Baker Ballhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03663143060069193124noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814771751990061325.post-94439025581714942011-09-02T12:39:47.173-06:002011-09-02T12:39:47.173-06:00Thank you! I'll definitely put your suggestion...Thank you! I'll definitely put your suggestions to use :)Cheri Chesleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03102570290810616371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814771751990061325.post-77818628237240150172011-08-26T23:35:09.413-06:002011-08-26T23:35:09.413-06:00What she said! And also there is one typo I found:...What she said! And also there is one typo I found: add another "s" to "princess" in the sentence "I could be like princess...oh, what's her name?"<br /><br />That's all I got!Rural Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07146292986165567678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7814771751990061325.post-65991473752012057032011-08-26T19:25:03.877-06:002011-08-26T19:25:03.877-06:00I have two suggestions for you:
1. You're goi...I have two suggestions for you:<br /><br />1. You're going for tongue-in-cheek, but I'd say go full force. Think Princess Bride. For example, with your opening sentence, something more like, "Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess named Rose. But, as with all beautiful fairytale princesses, Rose was orphaned, sadly overworked, and hadn't a friend in the world, except, of course, for the sweet twittering forest creatures who frolicked about her every afternoon when she performed the sad, pathetic task of drawing water from the well for her stepmother- who was evil, of course- who insisted on a hot, scented bath every evening to cover the wretched stench of her terrible wickedness." <br /><br />Okay, that was a waaaay long run-on sentence, but you get the idea!<br /><br />2. Use description- lots of it! I especially noticed this with the part when the old woman turned into the fairy- I kept seeing her as the old woman. The only descriptive word you gave me was "stunning." Why was she stunning? <br /><br />I think you're on the right track, just dig into it a little deeper. :-)<br /><br />P.S. I know nothing. I have never been published, and the story I wrote for this contest was the first story I've completed since I was a kid, so feel free to ignore my advice! ;-)KaseyQhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18394640941485859111noreply@blogger.com