Picking Up

I hit a wall a couple weeks ago. 

I don't mean a "Man this wall is high and hard to get over" kind of wall. I mean a "Holy crap. This wall extends upwards into infinity and I will, never, ever find a way to get over it" kind of a wall. 

I'm not prone to anxiety generally (with one notable, and fairly comedic exception, but that's a subject for a different post), so I didn't deal with this well. I wanted to hide in my bed and do nothing. 

I stopped writing. Cold turkey. I didn't write a word. I didn't even open the doc. 

I stopped critiquing. Cold turkey. Left a dear, wonderful CP hanging high and dry without an explanation. 

I stopped reading. The last time I "stopped" reading, I was thirteen and in high school and stopped out of willful disobedience. 

I had decided to stop attending my writing group. I couldn't imagine how I could face them - I was such a fraud. I wasn't a writer. Not anymore. I'd failed too often and for too long and too spectacularly and I had NO RIGHT participating in the creative process, not for any reason. 

Then God intervened. My Heavenly Father loves me, and he wants me to use my talents, so he put a lot of voices in my head and a lot of influences in my path, all on the same day, to jump start my writing passion again. 

First, I read a blog by Matt Walsh* regarding a subject only tangentially related to this one. One passage stuck out to me: 

OF COURSE it won't work out at first. DUH. Nobody succeeds right at first, nobody gets it right the first time. I didn't get it right the first time (or even the hundredth time) I rode a bike or baked a cake or tried to be a good friend. Why would writing be any different? And did I expect this to be a boring, linear progression? 

No. 

I set out on an adventure, and then I got mad when the journey delivered. 

Second, I read a post by Jen** of EPBOT (and CakeWrecks). Her words pierced my very soul. 

She was specifically talking about the rage-quit that comes with video games (You know - you get so mad that you throw your controller on the ground and disconnect the game, stomping off and declaring you'll never, ever play, ever again... yeah. That one hit too close to home), but she was applying this behavior to all other aspects of our lives. 

She continued, "I let myself be overwhelmed by the mountain instead of focusing on my feet, and I worry more about everyone's expectations than the experience I'm gaining from my "failures" right here, right now."

Because we all know you're gonna go back in and reconnect the game tomorrow, and that you'll beat the unbeatable boss next week, once you've gained a little perspective. 

(If you're not a gamer, I'm sorry, but this analogy is perfect.) 

Third, I saw a quote on Pinterest from President Faust***: 

By this point, I was ugly-crying and really knowing that God was speaking directly to me. All these words had been put in front of my eyeballs on the same day; it wasn't a coincidence. 

And last, I found a talk by Elder Kapp. He was speaking to the young women of our church, but his words echo through the ages, applying to all people: 

I should say: the day this all was put in front of me was Thursday. Thursday is the day my writing group meets. I wasn't going to go, I was planning to hide in the dark and lick my wounds. But my good friend, Katy, texted me. Not with a "Hey are you going to ANWA tonight?" text, but instead a "I'll be at your house at 6:30" text. 

She didn't give me a chance to say no. 

And the women in my group did exactly what Elder Kapp asked them to do - they sent out a message of hope. One sister presented a beautiful essay she wrote and will submit to a magazine. Another announced she had a very successful pitch session, in which her full manuscript (series!) was requested enthusiastically. 

They offered encouragement. 

They stood as beacons of hope. 

They picked me up when I couldn't do it for myself. 

And that's what this writing community is for. To pick each other up, to help us pick ourselves up, and to bring each other to success, whatever that means.

PS - you can pin all these quotes to Pinterest, if you're into that sort of thing. And honestly, who couldn't use a little bit of encouragement spreading around the internet?  

*I can't heartily recommend Matt Walsh. He's extremely politically conservative and very, very rude most of the time. Read at your own risk. 

** I can, and do, heartily recommend Jen. You've probably seen CakeWrecks sometime in the last ten years, but you're less likely to be familiar with EPBOT. If that's the case, I recommend you read it. It's an excellent blog, full of a wonderful blend of uplifting, funny, informative, crafty, geeky, DisneyWorld posts. 

*** Of course I recommend the General Authorities of our church. President Faust is one of my very, very favorites. The full talk is available on LDS.org. I wasn't familiar with Elder Kapp prior to reading this talk (it was given in 1986, so that was a bit before my time), but you can read his full talk, also on LDS.org, though there is not a video of it. Because... 1986. 

First Novels and When to Move On

by Katy White

In 2007, I started my first novel.  The idea jumped into my head, took root, and within four or five months, I'd written about 120,000 words.  I loved it.  I thought it was awesome.  I sent it to a couple of friends who gave me feedback and I realized that it wasn't one book, it was three!  So I started from scratch again and wrote the first and second books, now around 90,000 words each.  I wrote an uber rough draft of the third that was around 60,000 words.  I loved this series so, so much.  There aren't enough o's in "so" to tell you how much I loved it.  

I made some connections after these new rough drafts and realized that the first book actually needed a major overhaul to incorporate all of my epiphanies (the sexy villain was actually the mentor's son?  WHAT?!), which I did.  Then I took a break of, honestly, about three years.  I didn't touch it, but I probably thought about it every day.  I came back to the story in 2011 and rewrote the first draft again, and rewrote the second book, too.  I sent it out to friends, and, after getting more feedback, I realized I started in the wrong place.  I decided to tell all my backstory through "Lost" style flashbacks (a nod to Gina for her post about the benefits of TV watching.).  I made those changes, and the feedback now from my readers was awesome.  Everyone loved it.  

It was time to see what agents thought.  I started querying.  My first batch of five queries led to a request for a partial with one of my dream agents.  HOLY COW!!  A week later when I was rejected, I reminded myself it was a number's game.  I kept submitting in batches of five every week, getting two more partial requests over the following month.  I was encouraged by the requests, discouraged by the rejections, and confused about what it meant that, after around thirty queries, I hadn't received a request for a full.

So I entered a couple of contests for my first five pages--and I even won one of them!--but after getting half my manuscript, even that agent rejected me.  Fortunately, though, she gave me very detailed, very helpful feedback.  My entry had some problems, but just as big a problem was the fact that my genre wasn't selling right now.   At a major writer's conference only a few months earlier, a panel of editors and agents explained that they wouldn't take on a book in my genre, period.  It was dead.  Over.

So was, oh, five, six years worth of my work.  At least, that was my initial thought. 

Since letting this book--this series--go in early 2013, I've written two new books.  Meanwhile, I spent a single year querying, revising, entering contests, re-querying, rinse, repeat.  But I honestly don't feel like I wasted a single second of my time with that first attempt.  Because I needed this time to research, to learn how to plot and how to avoid tropes, to learn the ropes of the publishing world.  Most importantly, I needed this experience to teach me that it's okay to move on.  It's okay to love your book and want to live in that world, and to still let it go.  If you love something, set it free, and all that jazz.  Right?

One of my favorite authors, Malcolm Gladwell, explains in his book "Outliers" the rule of 10,000 hours.  He says to achieve mastery in a particular field, one must spend 10,000 hours essentially "practicing" that craft.  Now, even if I wrote two hours a day consistently, every day, for the seven years it's been since I wrote my first word of my first book, that's still only 5110 hours.  A far cry from the 10,000 I need for mastery.  But every one of those words gets me closer. 

A poll of 150 published authors several years ago asked the authors how many novels they wrote before selling their first.  The breakdown is below:

32% wrote one novel
13% wrote two
11% wrote 3
8% wrote 4
9% wrote 5
3% wrote 6
13% wrote 7 or more novels
6% wrote some short fiction first
5% wrote a ton of short fiction first

Over half of these authors had written three or more novels before publishing their first! Some of them indicated that, after they were published, they were able to understand the flaws in their first novel and revise them sufficiently to get them published.  But I hope these numbers are as encouraging to you as they are to me.  Because these tell me that it's okay to let go of your novel.  It's okay to move on--heck, it's probably essential to our success.  

We've all said it a million times:  writers write.  And sometimes, that means shelving the old to make room for something new.

Please, sound off below with your thoughts, tips, and experiences with moving on from your first novel! 

The Last Friday

Missed you last Friday. No, really. I'd much rather have been keeping up with my posting on MMW than working a double shift.

I know I've talked about this before, so I won't bore you with the details. The short version is I took a job at the local Dollar General to offset my husband's income. Then I got promoted. Then I got promoted again. Then my husband took a pay cut in the form of a job closer to home that pays less, so my income became more important. Now I'm feeling really stuck, in so many ways. The only light I see at the end of the tunnel is to write and publish enough books to create income that way so I can come back home.

Because I really don't feel like I spend a lot of time at home. Even my days off (the ones I don't get called in to work) are spent half expecting the phone to ring. I need a job that doesn't need *me* so much, but in a town of less than 10k people, the options are slim.

Now that my schedule is so insane, and I still have a home and family and those lingering dreams of writing, I've had to start seriously considering what to let go. I hate that, but it's like when you bring home a newborn and their demands take over your life. You have to decide if you're going to wash the dishes, do that load of laundry, or just snuggle the baby and see to their needs.

For me, my weekly post here at MMW has become that load of laundry I just can't get done. I hate it, but there you are. Fortunately these mommies are a strong group. They can easily carry on without me. :) I'll still be around to lurk, linger, and comment if the moment arises, but I will no longer hold that coveted Friday spot that I've loved so much.

So, thank you to MMW for giving me a place. Thank you to my readers for reading, enjoying, and commenting on my posts. Thank you for the wonderful environment we've created on this blog. And please remember me.

Cheri

And Now Back To My Regularly Scheduled Life

It's September 5th (when I'm writing this). The kids are back in school. Work has settled down finally and I have a couple of days off this week. Today, I was up by 9:30am and had only a few things to do because my plan was to WRITE.

So why am I sitting here at 2:21 pm preparing this blog post?

I can't write. And I don't know why.

As you may remember, I spent essentially the whole spring and summer editing and preparing The Tyrant King for publication--which I finally accomplished--with a lot of help from some very knowledgeable writers, readers, editors, and friends. I also started a job this summer and am now the acting asst manager at the local Dollar General store. (yes, that was a fast ride--I'll tell you about it sometime)

Lately all my other "hobbies" have gone by the wayside. Video games. Movies/TV shows. I actually did watch/play a little after work yesterday but only because I had a sinus headache that would fell an elephant and just wanted to veg.

Today I feel pretty good. But I can't get my brain in the right place to pick up my writing again. And now, the kids will be home in less than an hour. And I'm starting to feel slightly panicky.

Where did my muse go? It doesn't feel like she's gone far. I'm totally smitten with some of the ideas I've had over the past few months for new stories and ways of improving old stories. But right now there's an open .doc sitting on my computer and I'm here. Why?

How do you do it? We all have busy lives, and I'm a firm believer in the idea that you *make* time for what's important to you. So how do you make time to write. And, once it's there, how do you get back into the writing groove?

You Just Can't Please Everyone

I read two books last month that really got me thinking.

1. The first book quickly captured my attention and held on till the end.  I enjoyed the twist, I pined for the characters trials and misfortunes.  Once finished, I got onto Goodreads to see what other people thought of the novel.  I was surprised to find that the reception was quite icy - with a few exceptions, most of the comments were nasty, nit picky and perhaps unnecessarily vicious.  While I agree it wasn't the next great American novel, I thought it was very well done.

2. The second book was one whose back cover blurb had won me over.  It was one of those books that was so bad, I'm surprised I actually finished - the editing was atrocious, the characters were shallow, whiny and inconsistent (one moment they praised a certain idea, the next they shunned it, back and forth, like the author couldn't make up their mind how the characters actually felt), and the worst part - the ending was a cheat!  I think it was meant to be a twist, but turned out to be a cliche and unsatisfying way to end a story.  I was sure that Goodreads reviews would agree with me.  Once again I was surprised - most commenters were singing the book's praises.  In fact, out of over 100 reviews, I was only able to find one that agreed with my opinion - the others just didn't jive with the story.

I'm sure that you have had experiences just like this one.  I think it goes to show that there is no such thing as a perfect book.  Different stories speak to different people.  Even Harry Potter has it's haters, I'm sure.

What does that have to do with you?

For the month of August I've been encouraging you (and motivating myself) to D.E.W. - drop everything and write.  To close off the challenge, I wanted to leave you with some encouragement.

Forget the cynics.  Forget the fans.  Forget the comments and reviews.  In the end, they really don't matter.  You can't please everyone, so don't write for them.

Write for you, because you can't see your life without the written word.  That's why we make the sacrifices we do - giving up sleep or television - to breathe life into characters and build worlds, or question society.  In the end, you will have lovers of your words and haters of your words.  That's the cold hard facts.

But more importantly, if you truly feel the calling to be a writer, you will be happy.

So write on, my friends, write on!

It Takes Time

Fifteen years ago yesterday, I labored my firstborn son into this world. As I watched him blow out his candles yesterday and open his gifts, I realized the incredible young man he's becoming was not an overnight event--but a process.

There was a time when I worried about this boy. He was 9, 10, 11 years old, and had issues with keeping secrets, sneaking food, and hiding things. And that was at home. At school it was even worse. This was the boy who wanted to quit school in the middle of 3rd grade. We talked with him, counseled with him, spoke to his teachers, his bishop, we prayed for him. We did everything we knew how to do.

Then he turned 12 and things began to change. It was a change that came from within him, something we nurtured and encouraged any way we can. Now he is shining from the inside out, showing the world the wonderful person I always knew him to be.

He is one of my most important WIP's.

Because everything in my life leads back to writing, I couldn't help connecting this to the process of creating a book. You start with that initial draft, that first creation--and let's face it we may secretly know there are flaws but, for the most part, we're in love. It's beautiful; perfect--our babe in arms. Then you start revising (raising) your little babe and find flaws.

A stubborn streak.

An issue with school, either academically, socially, or both.

These aren't fatal flaws, but sometimes working through them can be so frustrating we may consider throwing in the towel. But we can't, of course. We must push through--we must work with the issue and (hopefully) make it work for us rather than against us. Many times we are inspired or buoyed up by an outside influence. Many times we can't make it through without them.

Whatever you are doing with your life--raising a child, writing a book, or both--remember that it is a process. There will be ups and downs. There will be times when even a tiny part of you wishes you could give up. But right now I'm seeing glimpses of the future, and I'm pretty sure it's all worth it.

I'm not done with my son--or any of his siblings. :) I'm still in the trenches of high school, pre-dating questions, middle school, training bras, shaving and please, dear heaven, use your deodorant! But motherhood, just like writing, is my higher calling.

And I'm sticking with it.

Write Away

I think 'busy-ness' is a common ingredient in the lives of women.  I know that most of us wear many hats daily, all of which are important, fulfilling and demanding.  As Mormons we hold callings (sometimes more than one) that occupy a good deal of our thoughts, time, efforts and creative energy.  As Mothers (and wives) we are always on call, meeting the needs of children at different developmental stages and who face different trials and challenges.  Many of us are also fully immersed in someway in the workforce (on top of the very important career of motherhood).

So sometimes, being a writer gets overlooked, shelved, or put on the back burner.  The stories and characters and worlds that beckon to us have to whisper in the quiet recesses of our mind until we have the ability to reach out and work with them.

I dedicated a lot of (okay most of) my spare time in the evenings these past few months to working on a first draft of a novel, often sacrificing sleep and staying up way too late to reach a word count goal, or flesh out a scene I desperately needed to finish.  Now that I'm done that draft, and the project has been shelved for a breather, I've turned my attention to projects and household maintenance that got somewhat neglected during that time.

Suddenly, I realize I've stopped writing altogether.  I'm not ready to start revisions, and not in the position to start a new first draft of a different project.  So, I ask myself, how do I keep the flow of writing going, when I don't have a WIP?

Here's some ideas I had (and I would love for you to share yours as well):

1. write a blog post
2. write in your journal
3. write a letter to a friend (or missionary)
4. write a short story
5. write an entry for the MMW contest
6. ask a child to tell you a story and write it down
7. empty the thoughts in your head onto paper
8. write out a prayer
9. write a letter to a politician about a cause you believe in
10. write thank you cards to friends, family, neighbors or teachers who inspire you.

One thing I know for certain - if we didn't truly love the exploration of words, and the interplay of story arc and tension - if the characters in our heads weren't as real as the flesh-and-blood friends we know and cherish - with all the other hats in our closet, we wouldn't be doing this.

So write away, dear friends, write away!

The Ides of March (Has Your Story Ever Been Hijacked?)

Today, March 15 is known as the 'Ides of March', the word Ides referring to the Latin word for middle, according to Wikipedia.

The reason the terms Ides of March is well known has to do with two things – history, and writing.

The History part revolves around Julius Caesar (this info is all taken from the same Wikipedia site). Apparently he was assassinated on this day, stabbed to death by a large number of co-conspirators, several of which were friends/colleagues. The interesting part about his murder is that it was predicted by a seer – a prophecy that Caesar was aware of. because he apparently refuted the prophecy when the day fortold arrived and he was still breathing, telling the same seer, “The Ides of March have come,” (aka I'm still here, aren't I? Better get a different day job...)

To which the seer replied, “Aye, Caesar, but not gone.” (aka, it's not midnight yet, Cinderella)

And he died soon after. On the Ides of March, as prophesied by the seer.

The writing part came when Shakespeare dramatized the assassination in his play Julius Caesar.

I was thinking about this little tidbit of trivia today because of an experience I recently had. The other day I was working on a scene in my current WIP that I had meticulously plotted and imagined. I had done so much 'internal' world building that the words were flowing quite effortlessly. I knew where the scene started, where I wanted it to end, and what I needed to happen in the middle to make it all come together.

I continued to work along, enjoy the process and pleased with my ever growing word count.

And then something unexpected happened.

A new character appeared. And inserted herself into my scene. And changed the plot ever so slightly.

Wait a minute – where did she come from?

Now by new, a don't mean materialized out of thin air. She was a character introduced in the very beginning of the novel to build setting/relationship/etc., but because I had no further purpose beyond that, I forgot about her!

Some characters, however, will not be forgotten.

Curious to see the point of this intrusion, I allowed her some room to explain her purpose for interrupting my previously smooth plot line.

She did her bit, said her piece, and disappeared as quickly as she came. For good? Who knows?! Apparently she has her own agenda when it comes to my story.

I sat back and took a close look at the wrench she threw in my plans. When I was completely honest with myself, I realized I liked the way she had changed the scene. I liked the complications she had introduced. She enriched the story.

While this is not a new experience for me (I've had lots of characters do unexpected things while I was writing), it was what came to mind while I read the fun facts on Caesar and The Ides of March.

Mandi: “The middle of this scene has effortlessly come.”

Not-to-be-forgotten character “Aye, writer, but it has not gone.”

You just never know what will happen when you write. Maybe that's why we love writing so much!

What about you? Ever had your writing hijacked by your own characters (major or minor)?

Where I Explain How Sewing is Like Writing...and How it's Not

by Cheri Chesley

This week is the only week I've had a chance to work on the dolls I wanted to make for my girls for Christmas. So, EVERYTHING else has been put on hold. I mean, literally. Last night we had canned food for dinner. Even though I have to put the project away before they come home, it takes so much out of me that I'm basically exhausted for the rest of the night.

I think, as writers, we all have or have had a project that consumes us. A friend of mine has been writing a book secretly and it has her so sucked in she doesn't even take food breaks. She's almost done, writing at that feverish pace.

Sewing these dolls has taught me about writing. Because I basically liken everything else in my life to my writing aspirations.

One--there is a pattern, and it's most helpful to stick to it.

Two--there will be times when you will likely feel in over your head, and definitely feel out of your depth. You may even HATE the project while working on it.

Three--You will make mistakes, and you will not be able to gloss over them. You will have to fix them. **Case in point, sewing the legs on backward. Even though they were double stitched and involved an impossible contortionistic maneuver to even sew in the first place, you will HAVE to fix that or the baby's rear end will be where the belly should be, and it looks so wrong.

Now, here's where writing and sewing differ:

One--With sewing, you should fix the problems as you come across them. You don't want to finish the project in a "first draft" phase just to take it apart and fix it later. **Case in point, I was NOT about to stuff those dolls and then try to fix the backward legs.

Two--Patterns are great for sewing. Structure is essential for writing. I can't follow the pattern of Harry Potter or Twilight in my writing and expect that level of success. With sewing, the pattern they give me in the package will only help me if I use it.

Three--It's a sewing machine, for crying out loud, not a keyboard. The sewing machine will likely give you more impulses to curse than the keyboard. Maybe. **Case in point, when I sit down to my keyboard and type, words show up on the screen. When I sit down at the sewing machine to sew, sometimes there was as much backtracking as progress. Ugh. And I won't tell you how many times the stupid fabric snagged.

Finally, I will close with this similarity: both sewing dolls for my daughters and writing books are labors of love. And, oddly, I am experiencing a similar issue with handing my girls their dolls that I have when I send my books out into the world. They won't always treat them with care. They won't look after them or appreciate them as much as I would hope. I know not everyone who reads one of my books is going to love it. I'm just hoping, considering how much of my own near literal blood went into these dolls, my girls will at least appreciate the sentiment.

Wait, it's Friday?

Sorry, but it's afternoon. I'd love to have a great excuse for posting so late, like going to midnight showing of a movie and having to catch up on sleep, but I don't have one. Seriously, I got everyone off to school and work this morning and curled up on the love seat to get warm.

And woke up at almost 1pm. Oops.

Now the day is over, essentially. The kids are home and soon I have to get dinner done and make sure they do all their chores before watching the shows my son borrowed from his friend and has to return this weekend.

This is going to be one of those days where the "writer" part of my persona takes a back seat to the rest of my life. Maybe, though, I can get something done tonight.

It's just how being a writer works sometimes.

Till next week!

Your Turn

by Cheri Chesley

I'm sure I'm not the only author to have a cache of half-started stories that never see the light of day. So, we're going to have some fun with it today. Here are two story-starters--stories I was inspired to start after a writer's conference last year but did nothing with. I'm getting you started; all you have to do is pick one and post in your comment the next step in the story. Ready? Go!

1. Emily adjusted her hat on her head and her hand brushed the flower that had started to hang over the rim. She’d been so proud of that white flower when she’d put it on her hat that morning before boarding the train, but hours in the sun and heat had wilted the blossom so that it clung pathetically to the hat. On tip toe she scanned the faces of the people waiting for the train to pull to a stop. A few faces jumped out at her, some bringing hope and others despair. One of those men would be her future husband. Emily swallowed the knot in her throat and tried to smile.

2. Anna looked at herself in the mirror one more time. She fingered the veil where it hung at her shoulder and sighed. She’d always imagined her wedding day would be the happiest day of her life, but instead she felt overwhelming dread.

Most importantly, have fun with it!

Writer of Many Colors

Remember the sand art you made as a child when you would pour different colors of sand into a glass jar, creating swirls and layers--your very own rainbow? (Until you poured it all out to try again, but the sand just mixed into sort of a grayish color.)(Very much beside the point.)

As writers, I think we'd all agree that we have three colors filling our glass jars, although the amount and pattern differ between each of us: natural talent (sort of a greenish, earthy tone), love of writing (definitely purple and NOT pink), and drive (fiery, sunrise red).

I don't think that it's possible for a writer to have only one. You just can't have one without the other. Even if your jar is filled with earthy, enviable green, you need a mix of love and drive to bring your talent to life.

I feel like my jar is about three-fifths purple, one-fifth green, one-fifth red, and one-fifth chocolate-chip cookie dough (totally necessary for writing). (Wait a second, how many fifths make one whole?) What about yours?