- a post by Jeanna Mason Stay
Note:
While this post is sort of about homeschooling and homebirth, mostly it’s about
doing things that are important to you but hard. I’m not advocating my life
decisions.
When I tell people I had my first
child in a birth center, the other three at home, all unmedicated, people look at
me like I’m insane or tell me it’s “too messy” (a myth, by the way). But I also
get this a lot: “I’d love to do that, but my pain tolerance is too low. I’m just not that strong.”
I am also currently homeschooling
my children (if you have guessed by now that I am an introvert, you would be
correct).* The most common response to that is “I couldn’t teach my kids. I’m just not that patient.”
 |
| In labor with #3. Trust me, I'm not feeling all that strong. |
Well, my friends, I’m here to tell
you a secret.** I’m not either. I am neither strong nor brave enough to birth
without meds nor patient enough to homeschool. I’m just a regular person who
decided to do certain things.
Here’s another secret, one of the
main reasons I chose a birth center for my first child: I knew, with near
certainty, that if I had easy access to an epidural, I would get it. And I had
decided that I didn’t want to, so I placed an epidural out of my reach. (Why I
chose homebirth afterward is another, unrelated story.) I knew I wasn’t brave enough without a little extra help, but to me
this was important enough to find a way.*** Homeschooling happened in a similar
way, except that with homeschooling we continue to have the ability to choose a
different path in the future if ever we decide this plan really isn’t working
for us.
Here’s what I think about
sometimes: What kind of a world would we
inhabit if we only did the things we were already good enough to do? What
if at the beginning of the day, my eight-year-old said, “I’m not good enough at
math to do that problem, so I won’t try it”? Or if my six-year-old said, “I can’t
read because I’m not that smart”? Or if my favorite authors, who continually
write difficult but amazing books, said, “I won’t write that book because I’m
not a good enough writer”?
We become those things by doing them, not because we already
magically are. We put ourselves in the position to try the hard things and
become the big things. That’s how we grow. We constantly reach for something
that is just a little bit beyond us (or—in the case of patience on a late
Friday afternoon when my husband isn’t yet home from work—something that is
very far beyond us), and we get closer to the qualities we seek.
That doesn’t mean we need to be
striving for everything. It’s perfectly legitimate for you to say, “I don’t
want to homeschool or do homebirth. That’s not right for me right now (or
ever).” It’s fine to say, “I don’t want to learn piano/guitar/how to write a
mystery novel or run a marathon/Ragnar/5k.” Or whatever. The point is, if there
is something you want, something that you truly think is important, don’t let
your lack of ability stop you. Do it,
and by doing it, you will find that you can.
*
Although, for the record, homeschooling isn’t exactly an introvert endeavor. And
my introversion was not the deciding factor in these decisions, just the happy
icing on the cave troll cake.
**
Actually, it’s not much of a secret. My kids, my husband, my midwife—even my
birth photographer friend—can all attest to my lack of patience and strength.
Especially in hour 10 of labor or minute 10 of reading practice.
*** And no, I’m not judging you for feeling differently.
*** And no, I’m not judging you for feeling differently.
