Smoke and Mirrors

About three years ago as my oldest child started high school, my life became much busier than I had thought possible. But having my first three children in three years put them close enough in age that the older they get, the more they are doing. I soon realized this busy life was my new normal. With this realization came the necessity to sacrifice certain expectations of myself like a clean house, or cooking magnificent culinary masterpieces for dinner. Instead I learned to do the bare the minimum to make it look good. Yes, that meant things get shoved in closets or under beds when we clean. Thus, I created my smoke and mirrors and kept up the appearance of being able to do it all. I was the great and powerful Oz with my mystical ways.

Well, this week my brother moved in with us. He is staying with us until he can find a job here and then get his own place. He has been very helpful around the house. He has been cooking dinner and cleaning up. Yesterday I came home to find him cleaning the kitchen. But not only was he cleaning the kitchen, he was moving all the small appliances and looking in the cabinets and finding a mess like I don't think he ever imagined. I suddenly felt like the curtain had been pulled open and revealed me as a fraud.

But as I allowed myself to think about how I felt about my brother learning this about me, I realized I wasn't embarrassed, neither did I feel guilty. I knew I have been doing my best and was giving my attention to the important things in my life, my children. So when I walked in and saw the mess I smiled at my brother and said, "Welcome to the family!" It was kind of nice to show him that I'm not perfect and I don't really care to be. After all, the wizard of Oz became even more interesting after we found out he was just a man.

I've been thinking about how this applies to writing. I first thought about marketing our books and ourselves. There are a lot of smoke and mirrors when we are marketing. We need to highlight the positives and accentuate the amazingness. But sometimes, it's good to show our fans and followers a little peek inside the curtain. Letting them see you as a normal person like them allows them to relate to you. Also, in our writing itself we create worlds and stories that we think people want. But we can't be afraid to reveal pieces of ourselves in our writing as well. We need to open the curtain and let our heart and soul creep onto the pages.

What other parallels can you draw from this analogy? What other ways do we create images from smoke and mirrors?

Constructive Critiquing

by Katy White

A few months ago, I entered a contest on a popular writer's blog where I entered the first 250 words of my MS.  The prize was that an unnamed agent would instantly request a partial from you if she liked your first page.  No painstakingly crafted, thoughtfully personalized query letter, no stress about whether or not my formatting would somehow go wonky in cyberspace, leading to a form rejection.  There was no gatekeeper to getting noticed.  Just me.  And 250 flipping words.

Fifty people were chosen at random to be part of the contest (including me!  Squee!), and the entrants were required to comment on other entries.  I was disheartened when I read the feedback from my fellow contestants.  I mentioned the weather in my first paragraph!  Had I lost my mind?  Didn't I know that was the ultimate no-no in any novel?  Form rejection, dummy!   Even with skin thickened by eight older brothers, this was a little much.

Well, I won the contest (the compliments came after that).  The agent requested pages.  And she posted on my entry that the reason was my dialogue.  I had two teenagers, my main character and her best friend, talking in a hallway, just messing with each other, but I could feel when I was writing it that it worked.  The confirmation from the agent that it worked gratified and encouraged me. 

Interestingly, none of the other entrants mentioned my dialogue.  They only mentioned what they thought sucked.  And it was awful!  I felt stupid and small and defensive and like they were trying to convince me that I clearly didn't have any business in this business when I felt like I did.

The agent ultimately rejected me, but she gave me incredible feedback about my pages.  She told me the things that she loved, like my main character (phew!), voice, and dialogue.  And she told me the things that didn't work, too.  She showed me some big, gaping flaws that I hadn't noticed after hundreds of read-throughs.  But she gave the feedback in such a way that I felt confident I could fix the problems she'd identified.  The feedback was specific, blunt-but-not-jerky, and very badly needed.  She did me a kindness by telling me the good and the bad.  It was empowering.

This experience made me realize that critiquing is as much art as it is the "science" of writing.  And in that vein, I'd like to suggest a few tips on constructive critiquing*:

-Be honest.  You're of no use to your partner if you can't tell her where the story or characters or plot don't work.  She needs to know that the big reveal on page 232 directly contradicts every plot point that led up to that point.  Care enough about your CP to tell her the truth.

-Be encouraging.  Find the things that work about your partner's style and writing, and frame your feedback and suggestions around those strengths.  If someone writes long, beautiful, descriptive settings, but those are just filling the pages, don't tell her how boring it is, help her see how using that skill is more powerful when it's used at the right moments.

-Be humble.  You probably know a lot about writing if you're being asked to critique another person's work, but your partner knows a lot about her written world and what she's trying to accomplish.  So if you've given the feedback that you think 2nd person future POV is awkward to read and she chooses to stay with it, help her find ways to make the story work within her chosen parameters.

I'm sure I'm overlooking a lot of tips, but I'd love to hear some of yours.  What do you look for in a critique partner?  What do you look for when you're critiquing?  

*Always confirm with your CP the level of critique that she wants.

Five things America does better than Britain

By Anna Jones Buttimore

www.annajonesbuttimore.com

I love being British. I'm very blessed to live in a country where the weather, while mostly dismal, isn't ever extreme enough to be likely to kill me. I rejoice in free healthcare, my parents' 500-year-old cottage, and the best chocolate in the world.

But I also love America. I've visited six times now, and there's no escaping the fact that there are just some things the USA does better than the UK.

1. Adoption

Adoption law in the UK is decades behind that of the US. If an unwed mother here decides to place her baby for adoption then she signs over the child to the authorities soon after giving birth. Social workers will decide which family her baby is placed with. She may want letters and photographs as her child grows up, but she's not entitled to them, or to any contact at all, if the adoptive family don't want to do this.

The LDS Church encourages unwed parents to place their babies for adoption in the US, where they can select the parents and know that their child can be raised in the Covenant and the birth mother can continue to be part of that child's life. Over here, however, it seems to be preferable for LDS unwed parents to raise their own children.

2. Houses

An American house.

My house.

I LOVE American houses! I love built-in closets, bathrooms off the bedrooms, a family room and a den or living room in so many homes, separate laundry rooms and garages you can actually fit your car into. I love that they are just so much bigger, newer, more attractively designed, and about half the price of anything over here. Most of us are living in homes built when the idea of having a bathroom actually inside the house was quite novel, and a kitchen was considered an optional extra. My house was built in 1968 (the same year I was built) and it's the newest home I've ever lived in. 

I also love that fact that American houses are so much cheaper to buy. My house is a semi-detached (it shares a party wall with next door), has three bedrooms, 1 bathroom, a lounge, kitchen, dining room and utility room. Not open plan, of course - that's an American thing too. With about 1,600 square feet of space it's worth about £220,000. For the same price in Florida I can buy a 3,000 sq ft 5 bedroom, 4 bathroom detached home with a pool and spa. And closets. And a garage you can fit the car into.

3. Laundry

See above - very few Brits get to have separate laundry rooms. For most people the washing machine is in the kitchen, which means that so are the baskets of dirty laundry. Dryers are a relatively new idea - I have one, but many people don't. That's not a bad thing, though: they're so energy-hungry and expensive to run that it is much better, in every way, to hang your washing on the line (even though it rains all the time). I'm still putting my laundry out each morning (and collecting it back in when the clouds turn dark) well into October. I do love American washing machines and dryers though. They are much bigger (they'll take a load about twice the size of a UK machine) and much quicker to run. They're one of the things I missed most when I got back from Florida.

4. Coupons

I've watched Extreme Couponing, and I would love to be able to go to the shop with a folder full of coupons and walk out with a trolley full of food and household items for which I'd paid only a few pounds. Unfortunately coupons are rare here. You occasionally see one for 10p off toothpaste (which costs £2) or a half price offer, but generally they are restricted to one deal per customer, and aren't valid if there's another offer on the product. Probably a good thing too, because British homes don't have basements or any real storage space, so I'd have nowhere to keep my 200 jars of pasta sauce.

5. Mexican food

Our curry is better than American curry, and fish and chips take some beating, but I do miss Mexican food. Yep, booking my next ticket over right now! 

#QueryDay

What would I change?

Most of us have been told numerous times that we are heirs to our Father in Heaven, correct?  I’ve heard it most of my life, and I have always believed it.  I know that each and every one of us has a chance to have all that our Father has.  But as I allowed my mind to wander, as it usually does when I am delaying getting a start on my daily duties, a question came to my mind.

“What if I KNEW I was to be an heiress?”

Bear with me, this path of randomness can get confusing, even to me.  It often results in delusions of grandeur...  but as I imagined an angel appearing to me and telling me that I was “foreordained” to be one, my mind went nuts with all kinds of questions.  The one that really stood out to me is; knowing this, what would I do differently?

I don’t think I’d wake up the same.  I wouldn’t “put my pants on the same way” again!  (I’d be lying if I said I didn’t briefly picture myself walking around with a tiara on my head, as I washed dishes and studied for my classes) I’d feel as if I had a different bar to live up to.  Granted, I think I’d have to still allow a certain amount of mortal error, but I think I’d try harder.  I don’t think most of us understand what it really means to be an heir/heiress to the kingdom of God.  We are not random results of our mortal life.  And there is not just one single person that is allowed the joy of this inheritance.  Not only would it give more purpose and motivation to our goals, but I believe it would make our trials, and missing out on our righteous desires, feel very temporary... 

We believe in our Heavenly Father, but do we BELIEVE him?  This is what we are meant to be!  So just pretend that I am that angel that appears to you, and says, 

“Daughter/Son of God, You are to inherit the Kingdom of God.  You will reign by the side of your eternal companion.  Now, go and be.”

As we see the different events going on around us, especially politically, let us remember this thought.  Act as an heir/heiress would act, and do it on purpose!  We might feel intimidated by the thought of what we need to do, whether it be changing our actions at home, or in our communities.  

We are to do what we can, make a change, but keep our sights on the real goal, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man! (Moses 1:39)  This is especially important as we live, with our sights set on the second coming of Christ.  

Galatians 3: 26-29

26 For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.

27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.

28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female; for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

29 And if ye be Christ’s, then are ye Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise. 

Now, are you going to get up in the morning and act as the heir/heiress that you are to be?

Where Can I Turn For Peace?

Written by Ashley & Jessica

What an amazing conference this has been!  We are so blessed to have a prophet of God on the earth to speak to us and give us direction, as well as all of the other men and women called of God to teach and guide us. 

The other week I was able to attend the temple.  As I sat pondering and enjoying the spirit of peace that surrounded me I suddenly realized that there was no noise.  There were no cars honking, no people yelling, no machinery or construction noise.  You'd never guess I was sitting in the middle of Manhattan.  It was amazing to ponder what a blessing this oasis of peace was in the middles of all the chaos. 



In today's world it can seem hard at times to find a place of peace.  We live in a world where, in most cases, we are surrounded by a whirlwind of things to do and places to be.  We have been counseled to attend the temple as often as we can.  However, depending on where you live and what stage of life you are in, this can be difficult to do.  For those not living near a temple it probably doesn't happen as often as we'd like.  Some may not have the time or means.  It is for this reason that it becomes all the more important, nay, critical that we make our homes a Heaven on Earth.  In this tumultuous world it is necessary to have a sanctuary, a place we can go to recharge and strengthen our spirits and minds.  In order to make our homes a holy place where the Spirit can dwell we need to treat them as holy places.  We need to make them our fortresses and keep evil without our walls.  If we fail to treat our homes as a special and holy place our spiritual fortifications will crumble.  I believe all of us are capable of making our homes a place of peace.  This doesn't mean we have to have spotless homes that are perfectly organized, or expensive furnishings or massive chandeliers.  It simply means that we open our doors and hearts to the teachings and standards the Lord has given us and close them against the temptations and fiery darts of the adversary.  Let us all actively strive to make our homes a heaven on earth and welcome in the peace of our Heavenly Father.

Some Unexpected Gifts

By Lacey Gunter

These past three weeks I have undertaken the goal to complete a service marathon. When I started this adventure I assumed I was going to be the one doing the giving.  But I think I finally learned what Christ means in the scriptures when he says:

..and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it 

(Matthew 10:25)

I thought I was trying to make others feel happy, instead the gifts seemed to flow back to me.

The gift of love:  The world would have you think that joy is found when others love you.  But this equation is all wrong, No matter how hard we break our backs trying to get others to love us, it is out of our hands. We cannot make another love us, it is theirs to give.  True joy comes when we choose to love others. This is something we can control. We can fill our whole soul up with love, love we radiate and give to others, rather than love we take.

The gift of gratitude: Opening my eyes to find people in need and help them has actually attuned my vision to see the innumerable ways I am being watched over, blessed and helped. By learning to serve as Christ does, we start to see what Christ has actually done for us. I truly stand all amazed! As if those blessing weren't enough, this gratitude itself is a gift. It makes everything in life a little sweeter. It is like rose colored glasses.

The gift of peace: When life became stressful and chaotic, or the world seemed more terrible, doing service for others brought me peace.  You would think that adding one more to-do on an already backlogged list would just lead to frustration and exhaustion. But when I took the time to stop and really let myself get immersed in even just a simple act of service it really felt more like a reprieve.


I am so grateful I have taken this journey! And I wish you all peace, love and gratitude in your lives.

Are You in the Arena?

by Mare Ball  Adventures in the Ballpark

Brene Brown, PhD

Are you familiar with Brene Brown?  She's a motivational speaker whom I saw for the first time on OWN, and I was so inspired with what she had to say about moving forward with your dreams.  

When Brene first began to speak/write, she received some criticism, and it bothered her.  She got snide remarks on Facebook and Twitter about her ideas, but also stupid stuff.  Some people focused on insignificant things, like her hair and weight.  She read everything, and it began to unsettle her confidence.   

Then, she had an epiphany.  She realized "if you're going to be in the arena, you're going to get your butt kicked."  She also realized she couldn't do anything about what other people think. 

So, her next thought was this: "If you're not also in the arena, I'm not interested in your feedback."

It's so easy to critique or criticize others who are playing a game we're not in.  We think we could do it better; look better, handle the pressure better.  Only because we're not doing any of it, and fantasy is always more wonderful than reality. 

As I mentioned last time I posted here, I'm taking a marketing class regarding getting published, and I'm realizing the world is a competitive place with all kinds of people, and compelling people to want to hear my voice is going to be hard work.  Some days, I'm sure I'll get my butt kicked.

But, the bigger lesson is that criticism from people who are in my game are likely going to have significant things to say.  I want to be open to those folks.  If I was looking to start a talk show, and Oprah had a few suggestions, I'd be taking notes.

People who are not in the writing/publishing game....they are welcome to their opinions, as everyone is.  But I want to keep Brene's words in mind.  Writing and getting published are marathons, and I have to keep my eye on the prize.  If people have something to say about my weight, or my hair, or my ideas, but they're not in the arena....I'm (respectfully) not listening.

Break In and Backup: A Cautionary Tale

- a post by Jeanna Mason Stay

The last photo I downloaded from my camera to my
computer before the camera got stolen. Fortunately,
we only lost about two weeks of photos.

This Monday, at approximately 9:45 a.m., I was sitting in my car in a secluded park, typing away furiously on my laptop and trying not to remember too many of those freaky stories I read as a kid about people parked in secluded spots.* A friend was watching my kids so I could focus for a few hours on my writing. It was lovely (once I stopped thinking about the freaky stories).

Unbeknownst to me, around that same time, some person or persons unknown were breaking the window pane on my back door, sneaking inside, and stealing a bunch of my stuff.

I cannot say that returning home—two kids and seven socks in hand**—to discover that my house had been ransacked was a pleasant experience (although I did get the exciting opportunity to have a policewoman fingerprint me for comparison to the prints she pulled, so there’s definitely a silver lining). But this blog post is not about that.

Nope, this post is a reminder to back up your work. In my house we have (well, we had) two laptops. One laptop was for the kids and my hubby to do their stuff. The other is primarily devoted to my writing, family files, and family photos. One of the great blessings of this whole experience was that I had my laptop with me. Those hundreds of thousands of words I’ve written, those 20,673 photos and videos***—they are safe. And they are far more valuable than the TV, the DVD player, the quarter pan of brownies, and all the other stuff combined.****

For the past several weeks, I’d several times thought that I needed to back up all those files in case something happened to the computer. But I just kept never getting around to it. Now it makes me queasy just to think about how much I would have lost if I hadn’t had that laptop with me. So after the calls to the police, my hubby, the insurance folk, etc., I decided it was time to “get around to it.” My files are now safe somewhere else, even if they get destroyed or stolen here.

So learn from my tale, ye readers! Take heed! Back up your files. Find a system that sounds good to you and do it. There are a lot of systems to choose from; my dad and sisters use Carbonite, while my brothers use Amazon Glacier and BitTorrent Sync (and now I do too!). If you can’t be bothered with these things, at least email yourself your WIP occasionally. Do not procrastinate the day of your backup, because one day you too may return home to broken glass and messes your children didn’t make—and you may have left your laptop home.

* Anyone remember that one about the criminal with the hook for a hand? And the scratching sound on the car door? Yeah, I had a scratching sound. *Shivers.* . . . It was an acorn falling on my car. There are problems with having an overactive imagination.

** Seriously, yes. Seven socks. In my car. I’m not exactly sure how only two children manage to go through so many socks on such a regular basis. All I know is that every time I turn around, there are more dirty socks. It’s like a really weird horror movie. (Horror movies seem to be my theme this week.)

*** Yes, that’s an exact number. How do I know? Because the backup system that I just started using for them told me.

**** I’m not kidding about the theft of the brownies. Apparently my thieves were hungry. I am surprised by how annoyed I am that they stole my brownies.

Interview with author of 'Fairchild' , Jaima Fixsen

Today I’m very lucky to be interviewing Jaima Fixsen a Mormon, a mommy and the author of Fairchild - http://www.amazon.com/Fairchild-ebook/dp/B00B76PGOQ

 

Hi Jaima, thank you for agreeing to this interview.

When and why did you start writing? 

Like many of the readers and writers of this blog, I started writing after I had a couple of kids, just looking for a creative outlet. I'm not really good at sewing or jewelry making or decorating my house . . . I'd finish a project and compare my work to the picture and feel only frustration. Writing was different. No matter how awful my first drafts start, I read them and feel excited about what they might become, probably because I'm not comparing them to anything else. 

I also like writing because it is something that feels more of my own, instead of following another person's pattern or instructions. 

 

Which writers have influenced your writing the most? 

 

Yikes. I don't know where to start. The first book I remember reading is Pierre Burton's The Secret World of Og. My parent's gave me this book for my 6th birthday and I devoured it the same day. I read it so many times my copy fell apart. I always wanted to be Pam, but I'm much more of a Penny. So that was when I fell in love with books. I love Jane Eyre, and Eva Ibbotson's fairy tale inspired romances, pretty much any kind of history, and slyly humorous non-fiction . . . mostly I just love to read. I make myself study my style guides, and I like to think that is having some effect, but some days I'm not so sure. 

 

What is your favorite book and why? 

Probably Jane Eyre, because it is a book that I've grown up with. In fifth grade I read it for the first time for a novel study, but stopped when Jane fled from Thornfield. It was too sad to go on. I made a diorama of Jane in the Red Room, but because my teacher could tell from my presentation that I hadn't finished the book, I got an F. I came back to Jane Eyre two years later and finished it that time. I remember wiping my eyes, sprawled out on the floor beside my old chest of drawers. When I read it in University, I remember being intrigued by the proto-Freudian imagery (I was taking some psychology courses at the time, obviously) and reading it again as a bravely feminist novel. I've never read that story without taking away something new, and the story is a romance that I never tire of. 

 

Can you tell us about your main character in Fairchild?

 

Sophy is the illegitimate daughter of an aristocrat, born in the early 19th century. Her birth makes it hard for her to find her place, and she struggles to belong in society and in her father's family. Her longing to be accepted gets her in to trouble, of course. After a fall from her horse, she is rescued by a handsome stranger, who takes her for the legitimate daughter of the house. Sophy's brash but tender-hearted, and too clever for her own good. 

How did you come up with the idea for Fairchild?

 

The idea sprouted from a series of oddities, the first being the tale of the Princess and the Pea. I've always thought it is a fairy tale that doesn't belong. There's no magic, no villain, just a girl in disguise and a mama's boy prince. I thought about these two people--unheroic, passive, even a little boring--and wondered what it's like for them, mingling with the rest of the fairytale crowd, standing next to plucky children who push witches into ovens, dragon slaying knights and the fairest in the land. The characters in the Princess and the Pea don't fit in that club any better than their story does. Immediately I imagined a bastard child--a girl who can't fit anywhere. Right away I knew she was my girl in disguise, pretending to be the impossible--legitimate, a person who belongs. An accident brings her to a handsome boy. What would happen, if she's so good at pretending he thinks she's real? A princess even?
I put this story in the English Regency because it's a real time and place, but one where fairy tales belong. Balls, gowns, Mr. Darcy--all the good fairy tale elements are right at home here. I wanted this story to sparkle like Eva Ibbotson's romances, but for the characters to be as nuanced and ambiguous as they are in the original tale--there's a lot making this batch of misfits tick.       

 

How do you balance your writing with motherhood?

 

Sometimes badly, but most of the time I manage. My family is very supportive. I set firm limits on when and how long I'm allowed to write, and give myself flexible targets for when I want projects completed. I remind myself often that imaginary  friends aren't as important as real ones. 

 

What advice would you give to an aspiring Mormon Mommy Writer? 

 

Allow yourself time. I'm much happier when I accept that writing takes time, sometimes longer than I expect. 

 

How can readers discover more about you and you work? 

Website: jaimafixsen.com
Blog: jfixsen.blogspot.ca
Facebook: www.facebook.com/jkfixsen
Twitter: @JaimaFixsen 
Amazon Author Page: www.amazon.com/Jaima-Fixsen/e/B00BI2AUVS/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1
Book Links: www.amazon.com/Fairchild-ebook/dp/B00B76PGOQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1379583561&sr=1-1