Submitting your Story

As I have said before I am almost done with my first story. I made a deal with my friend last year at LDStorymakers that we would both submit our current WIP in the First Chapter Contest. I remember thinking, “No problem, I will have it finished in no time. Of course life can get in the way. For me, I always make family first. Unfortunately I even sometimes make laundry and dishes first as well. (I am working on that). If I am going to succeed and accomplish things I have to make more sacrifices. I just realized how soon my submission has to be in so this week I have been working really hard on that first chapter. I am submitting it on the deadline date, Monday (tomorrow). I am not entering the contest because I think I am going to win. I want advice and feedback by doing the contest. I want to say that I tried. One more stepping stone to that goal of having a published story. Have you entered any contests? Any advice for me?

I thought that I would post a few of my paragraphs from my first chapter and I am open to any advice or tips. This is a historical fiction that is based on my grandparents. I would love it to be Non-Fiction, but I had to fill in the gaps from my grandparents’ memories. Thank you! I appreciate any feedback and experiences you can share. 

The Hope Chest

A WWII Story about Faith, Love and Hope

1

Dreams

Jerry  1945

At the foot of  Mount Surabachi, I was afraid to dream.

            “You have two orders,” My commanding officer told us. “Stay awake, and fire at anything above ground that moves.”

            Unholy sounds of gunfire and mortar echoed overhead. Crammed into a little hole, I realized trying to keep my eyes open was a horrible torture. It had been three days and three nights since I slept. My hole-mate and I wanted it to be over. It was to a point that I had to sleep.  I had nothing more to lose.              

            Nightmares were a constant and torturing reality for many soldiers. We were already living a nightmare, why should we have to suffer in our sleep as well. On the other hand, perhaps, with some luck and a blessing from heaven, I might actually get to dream about Merle. I missed her so much. I gave in. An instant upon closing my eyes, sleep overtook my body.

                                                                        ******

Our Story begins

Jerry  1940

            The summer of 1940 ended; the delicate leaves changed from green to the deep red and gold hues of autumn. Several serene trees enveloped the area at Fairmont Park, but it was the glowing Cottonwood trees that really made the park so glorious. It was our place to go and get away from the world to feel safe. Fairmont was very different from the hustle and bustle of Liberty Park. I don’t know why, but I preferred the tranquil nature of Fairmont best. Although we were surrounded by members of Merle’s church ward, I still felt secluded, like we were the only two people in the world. The soft warm breeze tickled my cheeks, as a gust of air blew by us. My nerves jumped even more, if that was possible.

Thanks so much for the comments... For some reason it is not letting me comment back. I love every piece of advice. :)

 

MMW's Fifth Anniversary!!!

 
 
 

This month Mormon Mommy Writers blog celebrates 5 years of being part of the best writing community!  I can't believe the time has gone by so quickly. I remember the day my friend Jenni James told me we were going to start a writing blog.  I thought she was crazy, after all, who would want to hear about writing from me? I'm not published and I had barely finished writing my very first book. She told me there were plenty of writing blogs by published writers but what the writing community needed was a blog by new writers that showed the struggles of writing good, clean books while staying on top of other responsibilities.

I soon found myself writing weekly for MMW blog and learned that Jenni was right. So many of us new writers needed to know we weren't alone. That we belonged somewhere. Over the years I have grown to truly love this community. It's now a part of who I am. I am a Mormon Mommy Writer and I'm proud of it.
I still may not have any of my own books published, and I may still be considered a new writer, but here I know I''m not alone.

The blog has done some changing over the years. We started out with weekly bloggers for every day of the week. This year we changed to biweekly bloggers for everyday of the week. We also have published a MMW book full of short stories, Totally Cliché.  Our second MMW book will finally be available to purchase in paperback by sometime next week!! Over the years we've had over 30 different writers, many guest bloggers, and have over 450 followers. What a wonderful community this is and I'm so thankful to all of you who read our humble little blog. A special thank you to those that comment and add your thoughts to ours. I love going to writers conferences and meeting people who read the blog. I feel an instant connection and am grateful for all my virtual friends!


Thank you for 5 wonderful years!! I'm ready for 5 more!!

How to Slash Your Word Count

by Katy White

The book has been written, the critiques are in, and it's time to write what I hope will be to complete my final draft.  I hope to both fix the problems that have been brought to my attention and to get my 83k YA Contemporary down to, oh, 80k.  The problem in losing these 3000 words?  I've already slashed the scenes that I thought were superfluous.  So I need to cut the count by words alone. 

How?!

Below is a sampling of areas I'll focus on in my final revision.  

1)  That.  The word "that" certainly has its uses (and I'm sure you can think of myriad examples).  But it can also be a word count killer.  For example:

"He thought that I should stop eating so much ice cream."
"Eating an enormous spoonful in his face, I made it obvious that I didn't care."

In revising, I'll read lines like these out loud for the rhythm of the sentence and keep those that impact readability.   


2)  "Out of" vs. "from."  Every time I can replace "out of" with "from," I lose a word.  This can look like:

"She raced out of from the room."
"His callousness pulled her out of from her daze."

And it's an easy change to make when I use "CTRL+F" to find each instance of "out of" and evaluate if "from" fits, or not.

3)  Axe some dialogue tags.  Once I've established that two people are talking, I probably don't need "he said" and "she said" as often as I currently have them.  

4)  Stop over-explaining everything because I want my reader to see a scene exactly as I see it.  Just because I care that my character cocked his head to the side before saying something, does the reader really need to know that?  Sometimes, sure.  When it helps them better understand my character.  But not always.  Unless it's desperately important essential that you see my character's confusion, as opposed to her being upset or suspicious or some other emotion altogether, the head-cocking just isn't necessary.  In fact, the dialogue should really speak for itself in most cases.  This rule applies to my writing all the time.  (See, I even did it there?  I needed you to read this sentence exactly as I would have said it out loud, even though you really don't need that for comprehension.) 

5)  Remove redundancy.  Instead of saying, "Josh crept stealthily to the barn," why don't I just say "crept," shall I?  Stealth is implied.  And so long, phrases like "nodded his head" and "reached a hand." "Nodded" and "reached" will work just fine.

6)  Sayonara, adjectives and adverbs (where possible).  This sort of fits with the redundancy above, but where something isn't redundant, I probably just need to find a stronger verb.  And if it ends in -ly, I really need to evaluate its usefulness.  That's not to say every adjective or adverb will go, but some will;  the ones that stay will be purposefully kept.  I'll keep the others purposefully. 

The fact is, I'm still going to have needless words.  I'll miss some tightening opportunities, and I'll choose to forego others.   Yes, you read that right:  despite the constant harping in the writing community to make your writing as tight as absolutely possible, I won't.  I'll look at my voice, the flow of my sentences and paragraphs, keep what sounds nice, and only get rid of what sounds clunky.  Because I want to sound like me.  Just the best, tightest version of me (this rule does not apply to my aforementioned ice cream problem).  

Above are the opportunities I find when I revise, but you may find others when you do, and I'd love to hear them (as well as what I'm missing).  So, please, sound off below with your favorite slashing techniques!

Three Things You Must Do Before You Die

by Anna Jones Buttimore

Our Sister Missionaries visited the other day, and Sister Silva mentioned something she'd once read, which I have been thinking about ever since. It was this:

Everyone should do these three things before they die:

1. Save a life
2. Write a book
3. Plant a tree

I think these are significant because they sum up the most important things we can do during our brief time here. We can do something really good to give someone else the opportunity to enjoy life to the fullest. We can express our creativity and leave a legacy to future generations. And we can help ensure that our natural environment continues to sustain others in decades and centuries to come.

I've done two out of the three. Every sixteen weeks I save at least one life by giving blood. I'm a registered blood donor, and have been for several years. It's easy, it's virtually painless, and I get to lie down for twenty minutes and then eat a free biscuit. It's a great thing to do and I encourage everyone to do it. Sign up at www.blood.co.uk or www.americasblood.org. It's an easy way to do something really good.

I have also written six books, eight if you include ones which are not yet published. I love writing, and will probably write many more in years to come.

I haven't planted a tree, as yet. I may leave that one for a few decades. After all, once I've done it I've got no reason to hang around.

It's interesting what isn't on this list. It doesn't say "make a million" or "raise a family" or even "climb a mountain." Maybe it should. What do you think should be on the universal bucket list?

The New Adult Debate

If you write fiction, you've probably heard this term being tossed about lately. "New Adult".

Particularly if you rub shoulders with the self-publishing, online-frenzied, contemporary-romance crowd, you've definitely heard this term a lot lately. But what does it mean? Is your story New Adult? How can you tell?

What it's not: 

New Adult is not a genre. Your genre is what type of story you're telling: fantasy, science fiction, romance, mystery, literary, etc. Notice not one of these genres addresses the audience. Your fantasy novel could be anything from The Chronicles of Narnia (a child's story) to The Chronicles of Amber (definitely not a child's story), or anything in between.

New Adult is not Chick-Lit. Chick-lit was a genre. Remember, genres are basically marketing techniques, and the chick-lit label was marketing at its narrowest (and most insulting, if you ask me). New Adult is neither a genre, nor a reincarnation of the Chick-Lit movement. Are there similarities? Yes, sometimes. But they're not synonymous.

New Adult is not Erotica. Again, erotica is a genre. It describes what sort of story you're telling, though this is the only genre I can think of in which a category is unnecessary. Every person with a brain will assume you are not writing erotica for children, so erotica is automatically an "adult" genre.

New Adult is not well-defined. This is the hardest part of this post, but it's true. New Adult is a newer phenomenon, and it simply is not yet well-defined. Much like middle grade was a few years ago, or young adult before that, new adult is still finding its footing.

Is it college-aged protagonists? Yes.
Is it the still-kinda-a-kid-but-expected-to-be-an-adult-immediately-post-college stories? Yes.
Is it chick-lit without the "chick" facade? Yes.
Is it none of these things? Possibly.

Some agents and editors will say new adult has no male protagonists, some will disagree vehemently. Some people say it's "contemporary only" because they cannot conceive of an in-between phase in a culture that is not our current culture. Others will howl and rip out their hair if you suggest such a thing.

Just know this for now: New Adult is a thing and it's hard to define.

Okay, fine, what IS it then? 

New Adult is the bridge between Young Adult and Adult. If middle grade is all about understanding who you are, and young adult is all about figuring out how you fit into the world around you, then new adult is adjusting to those roles. This is the time of life before people are "settled down" and before they get good at making decisions or understanding their life.

New Adult is about the BIG things in life. Young adult spends a lot of time on the hubris of youth: insta-love, dramatic relationships, the feeling of immortality, etc. New adult has a touch of that, but the mistakes and the relationships are bigger. Young adult is about falling in love for the first time; new adult is about falling in love for the last time. Young adult is figuring our how you fit into the world; new adult is actually going forth and forging that path.

New Adult is mostly self-published contemporary romance. For now. This category evolved as a result of the self-publishing movement, actually. Authors and readers both wanted college-aged protagonists, but agents and editors repeatedly said "We don't sell that" and eventually some of the authors said, "FINE. We will sell it on our own."

And because self-publishing is dominated by romance and/or contemporary, those are the genres that are dominating the new adult category right now. Does that mean that new adult will always be 80% contemporary romance? No, no more than it means that you've seen the last fictional vampire. Trends shift, marketing changes, this whole publishing world will be flipped upside down before you know it.

New Adult is a category. Categories define what age your readership is (or, rather, what age of readers your marketing team will be aiming for). Some loosey-goosey guidelines:

Picture books: birth - 8
Juvenile readers: 6 - 10
Middle grade: 9 - 13
Young Adult: 14 - 19
New Adult: 18 - 22
Adult: 21+ 

That list is obviously not a hard-and-fast, set-in-stone set of rules. The readers of these categories are even more nebulous; adults read young adult fiction all the time, and vice versa.

But if you are writing a book that feels too old to be YA, but too young to be adult... maybe you have yourself a New Adult story. Agents are on the hunt for this category, and they are hunting for non-romance, non-contemporary genres.

Public Discourse: What We're Not Saying

By Lacey Gunter

I recently started a new job. I enjoy the job. It's not too demanding. My colleagues are friendly, welcoming and considerate of my time. It is an ideal situation, but it has been an adjustment.

Prior to taking the job, I spent that last year and a half being a stay at home mom.  I had done one big consulting gig, which was 6 weeks of stressful, sleepless, work, work, work. But other than that, it was just me, my home and my family.  It was lovely.

Along with the closeness and attention I was able to give to my children, I also really enjoyed the greater freedom I had to write. I was writing very frequently, improving and loving it. But tight finances, my youngest starting preschool and the ideal job popping up and dangling itself in front of me and my hubby inevitably threw a kink in it all.

Luckily, I have quarantine my working time to when my kids are in school, other than two hours of babysitting time. But that has come at the cost of loosing most of my free time I was using to write. I am still fitting some in, but nowhere near as much as I want and sometimes I feel guilty doing it.

In this state of barely treading water to stay afloat, I read an article yesterday about not enough women reaching the highest ranks in my profession and what to do about it. I was rather surprised about the level of 'political correctness' to it. We statisticians tend to be very thorough issue addressers, not shying away from the elephant in the room as that often leads to biased results and conclusions. However, in all the author's discussion of work climates being unfavorable to women, never once did she bring up the idea that the work environment is unfavorable to mothers.

As interesting and worthy of a discussion that may be here, what I am musing over is how often I see that happening lately. It seems like political correctness has become an accepted avenue for censuring certain topics or points of view. Much of the time these topics or view points are quite reasonable and worthy of discussion. There is nothing shameful about wanting to have a family. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to be the one who raises and nurtures your children. In fact, I have rarely met a working mom who doesn't struggle with this, at least in some part.  Yet treating this as a valid issue has become taboo in much of public discourse on this topic.

This isn't the only topic, either. It seems like nearly anything classified as being related to 'morals' has been given the cold shoulder by political correctness in the attempt to not offend some small segment of the population. Much of these morally related ideas are well accepted by the vast majority of people in society and well accepted as being beneficial for a well functioning civilization. Yet political correctness would deem that we are not supposed to talk about it that way. How is it in the name of free ideas and acceptance of others we came to accept such oppressive censorship?

Absence Makes the Heart More Realistic

by Mare Ball from Adventures in the Ballpark

I got back to work this week.  Having been sick since Christmas, it took me awhile.  I've had different health issues recently, and writing has been on the back burner.  It's amazing how hard it is to get back in the groove after a month of being off track.

Getting back to my WIP, I discovered this - some things really needed a do-over.

Words I'd written in July, after a month of not looking at them, didn't seem so great.  I also discovered I had too many graphics/photographs in certain chapters of my (how-to) book.  The whole thing just looked different.  Surprisingly, it was not too painful to remove some things and edit out chunks here and there.  This week, I've tightened and shortened and, hopefully, improved my book.

So, I've decided that month off was quite beneficial.  Who knew.  All month, I was feeling bad because I hadn't disciplined myself to get back to the computer.  I just gave in to my head cold and my puzzling joint pain and napped a lot.  I felt lazy and unproductive, but I wasn't ready to open my working files yet.

When I'm in writing mode, it's intense around here.  I can write for eight hours, I can work until two a.m., I can stay in the chair until my bladder begins to protest.  I love uninterrupted hours of working; I make a lot of progress that way.  And, of course, when I'm in the zone, everything I write is brilliant.      

Or, so it feels. 

I've been working on this book steadily all year, but I've had days here and there where I couldn't get  to it.  When I've returned to it, it's familiar, and I know exactly where to start, what to re-work.   After a month away from it, it was a different experience.  I felt less enamored, less attached.

More objective.

This is a very good thing.  Here's why: every editor or publisher is going to view my work objectively, not enamored-ly.  So, I'm ahead of the game if I can gain that perspective now. 

Time away (and not just a few hours) from my WIP clearly reduced some of my captivation with my own creation.  This will help me out when I find a publisher, and he/she requires I chop every third sentence.  My book is my baby, but if it's to gain any recognition in the publishing world, it has to stand on its own, apart from the adoration of its mama.

I'm inspired again to get this book and its book proposal finished.  That month wasn't wasted after all.

Have you found time away from your WIP gives you a new perspective?

Somewhere Between Mild Discomfort and Abject Terror*

- a post by Jeanna Mason Stay
 

Somewhere between mild discomfort and abject terror. That is where I spend about an hour of my day every Thursday, driving to and from some classes my daughter takes. I have a fairly major driving phobia that causes ridiculous amounts of stress when I go out driving.

About a month ago it was pouring rain—that nice drenching kind that sluices off the cars in front of you and kicks up as mist around you, reducing visibility to bog level. It was not my most pleasant half hour. When we got safely to the school and my fingers finally unclenched from the steering wheel, I felt this strange sense of victory in what I had just done. For plenty of people, this type of commute is nothing more than a casual annoyance, but my heart was racing and I could feel the adrenaline pulsing through me (and I’m just not really a big fan of adrenaline). Yet I had not pulled off to the side of the road and burst into tears like I wanted to (partially because I would have eventually had to get back on the road anyway).

The more that I drive—and frankly, I avoid it a lot—the easier it gets. It’s desensitization therapy: repeated exposure to the thing that terrifies you. I have always known it would work, if I would just be willing to do it. But it’s just so hard (whine whine whine). Still, at least every Thursday, I take to those dreadful Maryland freeways and do what needs doing.**

Now are you ready for the metaphor? Writing, of course! When I think about my writing—particularly when I get to the hard parts—I sometimes get feeling this way, somewhere between discomfort and terror. Granted, writing doesn’t involve large machinery moving at high speeds that can theoretically squash you flat (if it does, here’s a hint: you’re doing it wrong). But for me there is the fear of being really bad at it, failing spectacularly, and so on. Which can keep me from doing it at all.

I’ve learned that for me, one of the secrets to driving is to not think about it too much. Just do it, but don’t imagine anything about it—just take it as it comes. I am a highly cautious driver, which is owing to the terror, but I have decided to look at this as a strength. I notice the cars around me; I pay more attention. I am aware, and it can sometimes make for better driving.

So when it comes to writing, I think sometimes the secret is not to overthink it. And you have to become desensitized to the terror and just write through it—which is, I think, one of the reasons for that constant advice to “write every day.” You get used to discomfort and you learn that you can work through it. It might even make you a better writer.***

*It will probably not at all interest you to know that the copyeditor in me really struggled with whether or not to capitalize the word “between.” Chicago, MLA, and APA were all fighting in my brain.
**As a side note, I think the designers of the Maryland freeway system must have been some sort of minor super-villains (ignore the contradiction inherent in that statement). They clearly knew that I would be moving here in the future (precognition) and decided to create freeways that would strike fear into my heart (evil planning). Because yes, the world does revolve around me. 
***Also note that I am terrible at taking my own advice. I do not write every day, even though I keep meaning to. Sigh.

We don’t need to wait to be chosen, we already are!

By: Kristi Hartman

I have been reading MMW for almost a year now, and am so excited to be able to share the space with such amazing and inspirational women, and to bask in the world of those who have similar goals as mine. 

My name is Kristi Hartman, and I have been dreaming of becoming a writer for years and years.  I have had a specific story in my mind for the past 3 years that I have been struggling to get out.  Writing is such a passion of mine, but is also a frustration.  I can’t seem to get in enough time to truly make a dent in my goals.  One of these reasons, (or two, or three) are my 3 happy and adorable, (and sometimes whiny ;) kids.  I am blessed to stay home with them and watch them change and grow on a daily basis, as I try to fit in the writing, mothering, household, community and church tasks each day. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But I will keep trying! 

I hope to be able to share and inspire with you the way other writers on MMW have done for me.

I have been struggling with my inadequacies as a writer for the past few weeks, feeling like my abilities will never measure up, and no one will ever be interested in cracking open my book, or even publishing it for that matter. I have often felt like I should probably just give up all together.  Each day that I have been struggling with these feelings, I have also been trying to combat them with my inner confidant rock star woman, reminding me that I can keep going and I can keep pushing those keys on the computer to make my story come to life.  You know what usually happens?  The inadequate side of me keeps winning. And I keep letting her.  I keep listening to her commentary and buying into it, because she is just so darn convincing.  She seems to know me so well and knows just what to say to stop me from trying.  
The fear of failure and fear of never measuring up to the ideal in my mind has stopped my progression so quickly, I can still hear the creative brakes squealing.  
What is a writer to do?  Why do we let our fears and inadequacies get in the way of our true potential?  Why do we decide that it is always someone else’s turn to be successful, or to reach their goals?
I was on lds.org yesterday, and noticed an article by Elder Uchdorf.  Having always found his talks so inspirational and faith building, I read his words.  (You can find the article here.)
It was just what I needed to hear.  Both personally, and spiritually.  He states:

“You don’t need an invitation before you start moving in the direction of your righteous goals. You don’t need to wait for permission to become the person you were designed to be.”

And:

“Sometimes the thing that holds us back is fear. We might be afraid that we won’t succeed, that we will succeed, that we might be embarrassed, that success might change us, or that it might change the people we love.

And so we wait. Or give up.”

I felt like he was describing me.  I have been letting my fears and inadequacies get in the way of my writing, letting them hold me back tightly by the wrists, telling me my contribution is stupid, un-intelligent, or not worth fighting for.  

The Lord wants us to grow, and reach our full potential.  Any doubting thoughts and perceived inadequacies are not from Him.  He would never tell us we aren’t creative enough, intelligent enough, wise enough, or all-around good enough to do the worthy goals we have set out to accomplish.  

More wise words by Elder Uchdorf state:

“Another thing we need to remember when it comes to setting goals is this: We almost certainly will fail—at least in the short term. But rather than be discouraged, we can be empowered because this understanding removes the pressure of being perfect right now. It acknowledges from the beginning that at one time or another, we may fall short.”

Realizing that failure is ok to go through is a tough thing for me.  I never want to look silly for trying and failing at something.  I am always so worried about what others will think or how I will think about myself that it brings me to the worst alternative:  Not trying at all. All the great and amazing things that have happened/will happen in this world are because someone had enough faith in themselves to keep trying.  Even when the self-doubt set in, and the task may have seemed overwhelming, people succeeded.  Because of this, we now have amazing accomplishments in so many aspects of our lives- books, art, advances in medicine, the list goes on and on.  

Let’s stop those mean, chatty, and negative inner-critics right in their abrupt, determined tracks.  I need to remember the wise words in this article:

“We can sometimes waste years of our lives waiting to be chosen (see D&C 121:34–36). But that is a false premise. You are already chosen!”

How I Woke Up From a Coma I Didn’t Even Know I Was In (my story of technology addiction)

by Kasey Tross

I so wish that this could be one of those lighthearted posts about an addiction to chocolate, or adverbs, or something else equally innocuous. Unfortunately, it's not. Because this month things got real for me.

This month I have had to face the fact that I have an addiction.

Just like last January, this month our bishop asked us to participate in a Fast From the World. I am pleased to say that this was a much easier proposition for our family this time around. We knew what to expect and we knew we could do it. In fact, it's been almost mundane.

Well, until about a week ago.

That's when I started having computer problems.

At first it was just the screen- being in a house with four crazy kids running around had really put my laptop through the ringer and it had gotten to the point where I had to only have it open to a very precise angle or the screen would go dark. It wasn't so bad, though- I just fiddled with it until it worked and then tried not to breathe too hard so I wouldn't frighten it away.

Then the charging cord went bad. Again, it was much like the screen at first- just took a little finessing and shallow breathing and it was fine.

Until it wasn't.

One night it just died. Completely.

I was fasting from the world, so what was I going to do? No TV, no novels, no movies. I was suddenly left screenless. I was disconnected. And not just disconnected, but disconnected.

The only tool left in my arsenal was a car charger that gave my laptop 15-30% charge, depending on whether I was running a lot of errands or just a few. And then my kids got sick, so I hardly went anywhere. I found that anything I needed to do on my computer- sending & receiving e-mails, writing- it all had to be done in that short window of time (did I mention my battery is on its last legs too? Loses about 1% charge every minute). When I had two articles due for a magazine, I knew that the moment I opened that computer I was on the clock, and I didn't have one second to waste on anything that wasn't necessary to accomplishing my task. I have never written in such a focused and efficient way before.

Now, I am not one of those people who walks around with a smartphone glued to my hand. I have a very basic prepaid phone that I use only to contact my husband and my mom, and the only other people who have the number are my kids' schools and family members who might need to reach me in an emergency. So I'm good on that front. But my laptop is like my brain. When I'm at home, It's like a pet, always sitting next to me- only I'm the one on the leash. I can't get too far from it without feeling that pull toward it again. Every mundane task that takes me away from it feels annoying and I get more and more irritated until I can get my fix.

It wasn't until it was out of the picture that I really realized how addicted I was. Because once it wasn't an option, at first I went through withdrawals.

My kids are being needy- ugh, let me just go check my e- oh, right. I can’t. The laundry is piling up- but I've had such a long day, I should take a break and write down some of those blog ideas I had- oh, I can’t. Ugh, the playroom is a mess AGAIN. Well...I wanted to go check Pinterest to get that new recipe for dinner so...oh. Right.

Before the Fast From the World it was Facebook, blogs, Pinterest, and web surfing that lured me back in every time.

Do you see where I'm going with this? I was exactly like an alcoholic or drug addict- anytime my life put something in front of me that I didn't want to deal with, I reached for my self-medication: my computer. I wanted to just relax, to escape. Just like any addict does.

I think I really began to realize how bad it had gotten once the withdrawals wore off. It was so strange, I got this feeling I had forgotten even existed: boredom. I was bored. I had no screen. All I had was my house around me and my kids. So I began to pay attention to them, because I had nothing else to do.

Again, don't get me wrong. I'm not a terrible mother- I always did the things I was supposed to do: I made dinner every night; we always ate together (screen free) as a family; I read with my kids and helped them with homework; and for the most part I kept up with dishes, laundry, and basic cleaning. But I spent a lot of my time feeling short-fused and irritated. I felt like I never had any time. I always wanted to be doing something else.

Well, the truth was that I did have time, I was just using it to indulge my addiction. Once I cut the leash and began to really wake up I actually saw my life. I saw my home, I saw my kids, and I began to invest in them because they were all I had. After dinner I went ahead and did the dishes because they were there and I had nothing else to do. The hampers in my house are empty because I realized that laundry is actually pretty easy. I'm trying to figure out why I thought it was so burdensome before. It's not super fun, but when your choices are sitting around twiddling your thumbs or making sure your children have clean clothes, it's not that difficult a decision to make. I go to bed early now because...well, because when the dishes are done, the laundry is folded and put away, there's not much else to do. Which means I wake up feeling refreshed and I have much more energy and focus.

I've spent more time helping my worrywart daughter study for school than ever before, and I've seen her confidence level shoot up. I've discovered that all that annoying prattle that was going on in the background while I was trying to check my e-mail was actually my four-year-old daughter thinking some really deep and amazing thoughts and trying to share them with me. She has very vivid dreams, and now because of one of them she absolutely has her heart set on being a mermaid. When my son was home sick I discovered that he absorbs more information than I ever realized and that I might do well to just keep him home from school and let him watch the Science Channel all day- he'd probably be an astrophysicist by the time he's 14. And I now look forward to spending time with all of them because...well, because they're great kids. And there's no leash pulling me away.

This post is getting long, I know, so let me just sum this up: My life has changed.

I don't say that lightly. I mean, it almost feels like I've been asleep- or in some kind of a fog, maybe- for the last several years. I've been living with this constant frustration that I'm not good enough, not organized enough, not fill-in-the-blank enough for so long, that when that feeling just kind of dissipated, the whole world seemed to change. There is this clarity that has emerged for me, something that is so hard to explain other than to say that by turning off the screens, that person that I always wanted to be just kind of showed up. And I realized that now I am enough.

And all it took was a broken cord to make me realize it.

I kneel down and thank God every morning for breaking that cord for me. And I tell Him that I'm scared, because I know I can't turn off the world forever. I do have deadlines to meet, and I do miss making connections on facebook with many dear friends who live far away. I'm an addict who must leave the safety of rehab and reenter real life. I know I will have to find a balance, but I'm so afraid that I will fail. That I will slip back into the clutches of my stupid, stupid addiction that has robbed so much of Life from me. At this point, all I can do is pray and ask God to help me. Because I know I can’t do it alone.

I will end this post like any good recovering addict might: If you think you may be suffering from this addiction- and I assure you, it is very real- I encourage you to get help. Have someone hide your screens or chargers from you for awhile. Detox. See the world through different eyes. You might be surprised to realize it’s even brighter than a screen.