Marshmallows and vinegar

By Beckie Carlson

I went to a one man play recently called Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I think I expected a comedy. Anytime anyone tries to explain the differences between men and women, there is laughter involved. Even if it is only from me. It's like comparing apples to Volkswagons. You thought I was going to say oranges....didn't you.

Brad and I used to have this conversation often. There is so much talk about equal rights and women's rights and blahblahblah. IT's a myth and a dream and a nightmare if you ask me. Men and women are not equal because they are not the same. They are two different creatures with a few commonalities. I wouldn't want to be treated equal to a man because I am not a man. Now, equity is a whole different thing. I would like to be treated with equity. I would like to be treated fairly. There is a difference.

Anyway, I digress. The play was pretty good. I wasn't expecting a one man monologue, but he did pretty well. He had lots of funny stories where he was the victim and his wife was the hard to please, moody, even scary woman of his dreams. He didn't paint her in a bad picture, but .... it was in good humor. 

The basics of the show were based on that book by the same name which I've never read. I didn't need to. I understand that men and women are different. We think differently, we love differently, and we need differently. The funny thing was, the way he described a woman did not fit me. Neither did the description of the man. What does that leave me?

It's all just a balancing, communication game. Find out what you need and find someone that can give it to you. At the same time, find out what the person needs and make sure you give it to them. It's not going to be equal effort on either side. Both sides need to go into it expecting to do more than their fair share because they love the other person. Going in thinking..."I'll do this, and then she/he'll be so grateful they will....." will never work. Setting high expectation, especially in the reciprocal department is a guaranteed way to jinx a relationship.

I know, I am no relationship expert. But, I'm pretty good and messing them up. Take my words as guidance. I've been there, done that, failed there, succeeded here.....I know a few things.

Cause I said so.