The Things That Matter Most

by Jewel Leann Williams

I think Heavenly Father is trying to help me do some decluttering in my life. I've had a couple of experiences that have been.....enlightening, to say the least, and have helped to remind me about the things that matter most in my life.

I saw some pictures on Facebook of friends who were having a great time doing something all together, which was like the umpteenth time I'd seem some sort of picture/post like this on Facebook. You know, the one where all these different people who are your friends, are all hanging out doing something fun, and you weren't invited... do you ever see those? Well, this time my internal voice, the one that sometimes sounds like those middle-school boys who were nasty to me, and sometimes sounds likes a sibling when we would fight growing up, and a LOT of the time just sounds like my own voice, well that internal voice reminded me that I am not fun, and not good company, and why on Earth would anyone want to invite me to go do fun things when I am not even pleasant to be around? I'm not one of the cool kids, I never was and never will be.  My internal voice is nasty and knows exactly how to push all my little self-esteem buttons. I subconsciously decided that these people I thought were my friends, were really just tolerating me, and didn't really even like me, or else they would've included me in The Neat Thing They Just Posted On Facebook. I found myself feeling alternately sorry for them to have to put up with a schlub like me, and angry at them for not including me in the Fun Thing. This downward spiral makes my tummy hurt and sort of ruins my day/days until it fades back in the back of my mind and then I forget about all the terrible terribleness.

I was in the middle of one of these cycles, sitting in church wallowing just a little when my son snuck himself into a position where he could lay across my lap and have me tickle his back. He turned up his adorable little face to me, smiled dreamily, and said "I love you so much Mommy."  My heart did the little squeeze it always does when I hear those words and see those smiles.  I also had another thought. I can't necessarily say it was the Spirit because it sounded a little too rebellious and snarky, but the other voice in my head said, "Who cares about any of those people? This little boy loves me with everything he has inside him." I thought how I have five other kids and a husband that I can say the same for.

They are the thing that matters most.

This week, I was bemoaning the annoying state of my Facebook feed with my sister-in-law.  I was complaining about how I had all of these things on my feed, from Facebook friends who were leftover from my days in ANWA, but for the most part were people I didn't even know in person and would never meet. I was getting caught up in their opinions and stories and posts about things that sometimes infuriated me, and these were all people I had no actual relationship with. WHY was I investing energy in any of this?  She suggested I unfollow them. There was this fleeting moment where I thought, "But I'm going to miss out on..." and then nothing.  I couldn't think about what I would miss out on. So I unfollowed every person in my feed who was not someone I knew in real life. No more time wasted on pretend relationships.

At the same time, thanks to Facebook, a couple of weeks ago I got back in touch after 20 years with a beloved family from my mission, who I will get to visit with tomorrow all the way from Mexico. I can't wait to meet the 4 kids of the girl I knew as an amazing and smart teenager so long ago, and to give a hug to one of the sisters who showed me so much love.

These are the things that matter most.

I am grateful for these little opportunities to declutter and to get back to basics.  I know that I have some really solid friends, the ones whose regard for me I never have to doubt, and with whom I never feel less than. I have an amazing husband and kids, and people from my entire life who I am blessed to be in touch with thanks to technology. I know that I am exceedingly blessed, and that sharpening my focus to those people makes me a much happier person than when I worry about  superfluous pseudo-relationships.

Taking on Social Media like Bond, James Bond

by Celeste Cox

For some of us, and quite possibly all of us writers, social media is a feared concept. An it-must-not-be-named that we promise we will work on, but never really do. It’s the monster you know is living under your bed but are too afraid to face. You hope that as long as you feed it every so often and never directly look at it, it won’t gobble you up in the middle of the night.

Well, believe it or not, you don’t have to be gobbled up to be successful with social media. Nor do you have to spend every waking moment linked to it. If you have an understanding of your brand and audience you can be successful and even enjoy meeting the monster too. Not only that, you can be like the Bond of social media—yes, that Bond, James Bond.

Your Brand

Whether you’ve already written your novel, you’re in the process, or you’ve just begun, it’s important to know what makes it unique. To start, ask yourself:

• Why should an audience invest in my novel?
• What is my novel specifically offering them? Ex: Knowledge, romance, entertainment, thrill, a mixture?
• What rating should my audience expect? Ex: If there’s violence, is it mild, heavy, extremely graphic? G, PG, R?
• What’s the style and tone of my writing? Ex: Sarcastic, literary, first person, third?
• Even the formatting is part of your brand. Ex: In Jack Weyland’s novels the internal thought is always italicized.

The goal is for your reader to hear your name or see your novel, and know what to expect. Your name and novel should evoke certain thoughts and feelings for the reader. Ex: The name, Stephen King suggests a novel that is strange, scary, mysterious etc. A Stephen King fan would be confused if they picked up King’s latest novel and it were about a ballerina torn between love and her career. The most important thing to remember is to be consistent.

Your Audience

Now that you’ve got an understanding of your brand, it’s time to find the audience to match it. It’s a common misconception among writers that the bigger the audience, the better. True, a bigger audience could mean more sales, but not if the audience could care less about you or your book.

Imagine a scuba diving instructor at a Steampunk convention. He’s trying to sell his how-to book on the proper use of scuba diving equipment. Yes, there’d be a lot of people there, but it’s unlikely the scuba man sells a single book. (Unless of course his scuba gear is based on the 19th century and is powered by steam—now that would be something!) Point is, you need to start with an audience you are 80-99% sure will be interested: your target audience.

How to find and research your Target Audience:

1. Find novels you feel are similar to yours and study their audience. Don’t waste time on the big fishes. For example, if your novel is a paranormal teen romance, don’t immediately look to Twilight fans. That audience is too broad, but you can bet it started with vampire fans and lovesick teens before it became what it is. Find novels that are emerging from the woodwork. Ones that are getting more and more reviews among a smaller, specific crowd.
2. Read the reviews voted most helpful. Take note of what the readers liked and didn’t.
3. Go to the authors’ social media accounts and study what the fans are saying.
4. Understand them. They are your target audience and your potential fans. You are writing or have already written for this audience. Think of them as your investors. They are the readers more likely to take a chance on you and your novel.

SOCIAL MEDIA

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking once you put yourself out there you’ll be surrounded with that awful sound that means no one cares: silence. Maybe it’s already happening. But now you know your brand! You understand your audience. And you can face anything. Think of yourself like James Bond just receiving your gadgets. Now here’s how to use them.

1. Be interesting. If you haven't gone on any great adventures lately, that's fine. You don't actually have to be James Bond. Interesting things are things people don't normally see. Anything ranging from an image, quote, article, your own thoughts. Keep it fresh.
2. Images are your friends. People are more likely to look at them than text. Instead of excerpts of your novel on their own, add that sentence or paragraph to an image. Like a meme, for example. If you aren’t familiar with any programs to put text on an image, an easy and completely free place to do this is at http://pixlr.com. Don’t waste too much time making it pretty though. As long as the image is somewhat interesting and eye-catching, it will do.
3. Anything funny. People like to laugh. If it’s consistent with your brand, try to bring humor into your posts. And don’t panic if you’re the opposite of funny. You can always share and re-re-tweet what others have posted, though you shouldn’t only rely on that tactic, which brings me to,
4. Be original. You’ve studied your audience to try to understand them, not to completely transform yourself to be like the authors they already follow. A carbon copy is never interesting. You want to show your audience that you’re offering them something they’re likely to be interested in, while giving them something different: you!
5. Be helpful. People love to learn new things, especially if the information will help them in their pursuits.
6. Be relevant. An article on getting published won’t be as helpful if it’s ten years old.
7. Take Notes. Check out which of your posts received the most response. Try posting more of the same and continue tweaking things accordingly.
8. Remember your brand. Anything you post should reflect your brand. You can have a variety, but if your novel’s genre is horror and you’re constantly posting pictures of baby animals and Disney princesses, your audience will be confused and wander off.
9. Socialize. There’s a reason it’s called social media yet so many of us only post things with a comment and a like here and there. It’s not enough. You don’t have to engage with everything, but if you find something helpful or interesting let the person know. When you help a fellow author out, they are more likely to do the same. You might even call it networking.

And there you have it. A quick guide to taking on social media. Just remember to be consistent and have fun with it. And when it feels overwhelming and you just want to lock the door and run, remember that you are James Bond. Okay, maybe not. But you are a writer, which means you deserve to have your work read and people deserve to read it. 

Share Goodness

by Becky Porter

I'm sure many of you have heard about Elder Bednar's recent talk regarding social media.  I have to confess that I haven't watched the talk yet, but I love everything I have read about it.  One of the reasons I write on this blog and use Facebook is to spread my version of happiness to the world.  Part of Elder Bednar's talk includes the challenge to flood social media with uplifting messages.  So that's my invitation to you this week.  Evaluate the way you use social media and find time at least once this week (maybe daily) to share your happiness.

Now I'm off to watch the whole talk.  You can learn more at this link:

https://www.lds.org/church/share/goodness?cid=HPMO081814340&lang=eng

P.S.  I'd love to hear about your experiences with positive social media so join the conversation by leaving a comment.  Thanks!

#sharegoodness

Do You Ever Disconnect?

by Mare Ball at  ADVENTURES IN THE BALLPARK
JOIN ME ON FACEBOOK!

I'm struggling with social media this week.  I've discovered something disturbing.

When I'm not on facebook, twitter, or pinterest for 3-4 days or more - I don't really miss it.  I actually kind of forget about them.  How can this be good?!?!  I'm a writer - I need those networks!

Still.  When I take a break...it's really nice.

A young friend of mine decided to give up facebook after a decade of checking in daily.  I was stunned.  Her generation created social media, they have mastered it and loved it and lived by it.

Still.  She'd had enough. She realized 80% of the people she was friends with, she didn't really know or care that much about.  She could count on one hand her true friends and realized she talked to them on the phone anyway.  Maybe it all had something to do with nearing 30.  Her career is taking off, she's thinking about starting a family with her husband, and social media was just wasting too much time.

I admit, I often feel like that.  When I just "check" facebook, two hours disappears.  I can't even tell you the time pinterest sucks up. 

Luckily, I'm not as compelled by twitter.  I check in once a day, but it doesn't draw me in like the other two.  I thank God for this.  I don't need to be enslaved by another screen.

I wonder if these forms of social media will last.  People are beginning to gripe about facebook - its advertising and the way it controls the news feed.  We're beginning to have to pay to get the exposure we used to get for free. Is it just another addiction we're going to regret five years from now?

Pinterest is way cool, and I hope it's around for awhile, but I wonder what changes are ahead there as well.  Are any ideas really your own anymore?  I've posted crafts I thought were mine, but as I scrolled the boards, I saw my ideas already there.  How can this be?  Are there really only seven original ideas in the entire world?  Maybe we're not as creative as we think we are.

Google +?  I really don't get that one.  I have a profile there, but I don't get it.  It seems like the facebook nobody goes to.  I'm sure I'm wrong on this, but I'm not sure there's room in my head for another endless scroll.

Am I alone here?  How are you handling the social media formats?  What's your favorite?  What do you think will be fizzling out in five years? 

Scroll weary at the Ballpark,

A Life More Ordinary

by Merry Gordon

Confession time:  I spend a lot of time trying to be the perfect Mormon mommy. No, scratch that—I spend a lot of time trying to look like the perfect Mormon mommy. Especially online. And the thing is, lots of us do. We’re writers, storytellers by nature. We selfie and app, we filter and curate…we embellish.

Hey, it’s not dishonesty.

It’s enhancement. Just “improving the shining moments,” as it were. All good writers edit, right?

Maybe it starts with untagging yourself in a picture so people won’t see—gasp!—dirty laundry on the floor behind you. And then it’s a reconstructed “candid” shot when the first one didn’t come out quite right. Suddenly we’re cranking up the exposure on already brilliant sunsets because magazines or Mommy Wars or whatever you want to blame it on has made us think some airbrushed Technicolor day-glo fiction is better than real life.

The poet John Keats once wrote, “Truth is beauty, beauty truth.”

Why did we stop believing that?

The whole foods lifestyle is taking over every fridge in America, but it’s like our virtual selves never got the memo. The less processed our food, the more processed our self-narrative.

Only in this age is it possible to sip an organic smoothie with one hand and use the other hand to run the angled shots you took of yourself drinking it through six effects to make your eyes pop, three filters to make the smoothie look a little less puce and your skin a little more tan, and a collage frame to edit out your messy kitchen countertop:  #natural!

#not.

It’s not that I don’t believe in putting my best self forward, and I’m not saying social media’s a bad thing*. There’s nothing wrong with using it in place of the journal I’m supposed to be keeping to chronicle life. But if I’m being honest, I’m hardly as pulled together as my profile persona would have you think. You see the cleaned-up 1%...and I worry I’m forgetting to enjoy the gorgeous ordinariness in the not-for-social media moments that make up the other 99% of my world.

Case in point:  that staged toddler birthday cake pic with lo-fi vintage party hats border is great. When I post that one, it seems representative. I look like Super Mommy, Supreme Goddess of All Things Pinterest, and you’ll never know that it was all of a nanosecond in my frenzied day. It’s a wittily-hashtagged pseudo-memory.

What you don’t see is the belly laughter twenty minutes post-photo op when I wrestled my little boy to the ground and picked the cakesnot** out of his hair (and then dug the crumbs out of my bra for the next hour).

That’s the good stuff. It’s not pretty, but it’s real.

No, I’m not breaking up with Instagram. But just for kicks, maybe I’ll try to live in the raw a little more. The off-camera. The unedited rough-rough-draft version of me. Because that’s beautiful too.

#nofilter.

*Except Snapchat. Look, I teach high school. I get how kids think. No app that tells thirteen-year-olds they can take guilt-free incriminating pictures because their photos will self-destruct is a good idea. But I’ll save that for another post.

**As any parent will tell you, this is a thing. Try not to think about it too much.