What If...

By Nikki Wilson

What if...I believed in myself a little more?
What if...I believed in rejection a little less?
What if...I didn't let excuses get in my way?
What if...I went after my dreams with all my might?

Do you ever let yourself wallow in "what if's"? I turned 40 this year. I remember when that number seemed so far away and I remember how I imagined my life would be at that age. I would be a perfect wife and mother, with perfect children, and I would be a successful writer. Well I got it part right, I'm a wife and a mother with children and I am a writer. Isn't that good enough? I've been telling myself it's good enough for several years now. But...

What if...I didn't settle for good enough?
What if...I pushed myself past my comfort zones?
What if...I tried a little harder to be a little bit better?
What if...I invested more time into my dreams?

I'm not saying I'm not happy with my life right now. Because I am very happy with my family and with my pursuit of my dreams. But maybe that is the problem. Maybe I'm afraid that if I actually ever achieve my dreams my life will change.

What if...I wasn't afraid of change?
What if...I didn't let fear control me?
What if...I did achieve my dreams?
What if...achieving my dreams isn't as wonderful as dreaming about them?

Does anyone else feel this way? By finally writing these thoughts out I feel like I am right on the cusp of something. Like my mind is trying to prepare me for something. Like I might be ready to actually overcome my fears and really try to achieve my dreams. Up until now I feel like I've been going through the motions of someone reaching for a dream without actually putting all my effort into it. But what if I did?

What if...I fail?

I feel like I've been living my life by that what if. Afraid of failure. But I'm sick of being afraid. I want to find out what I'm actually capable of. I want to finally see what I can do with the talents God has given me. I want to be the person He sees. I want to be who He wants me to be. The person I know I can be.

What if...I succeed?