What We Get To Say As Parents

By Kathy Lipscomb

Being a parent is difficult, but we do it because there are so many benefits. The love we get is better than anything else in the world. I love the snuggles as long as they last, and I even try to get them with my active toddler—doesn’t always work, but you can’t blame me for trying. But one of the other benefits is something that people may not consciously think about…

            We get to say hilarious things because we’re parents. These are things that if said to another adult, we’d get weird looks or may even get locked up in a mental facility. Here are a few of the things I say to my children that make me giggle:

·          1) “Come over here so I can smell your bum.” Seriously, I say this almost every day. I can say it in the middle of a crowded restaurant and nobody looks at me weird or whispers comments about the craziness of what I just said to my 2 year old son. In fact, they’re hoping that my son is the cause of the smell and that I’ll take care of it. Who wants to smell that when they’re trying to eat. Yuck.

·         2) “Get back here and take two more bites of your pizza, then you can go play.” I wish someone would say this to me. My toddler eats so little that I beg him to eat his pizza. PLEASE, eat your pizza. Do I get to beg him to eat his fruits and veggies? Yes, I do that, but I beg him to eat any food item we have for a meal—which constitutes as pizza sometimes. The best is when I tell him he can’t have ice cream unless he eats his chicken nuggets and fries first…

·         3) “Don’t touch the toilet!” Do I need to explain this one? Curious toddler. There. I explained it.

·         4) “Get off my head!” Okay, so my son does this more to his daddy. My husband will sometimes try to nap on the floor—I don’t know why he hasn’t learned how bad of an idea this is after the first 10 times—and it’s like an invitation to toddlers. He might as well say, “Come jump on me! Climb onto my back and sides. Sit on my head. It’s SO much fun. I’m pretty much a living jungle gym with weird shaped slides.”

·         5) “Will you check if she’s breathing?” I say this to my husband if he’s closer to her than I am. I think I check if my newborn baby girl is breathing about a million times a day. This is something I never understood, even as the oldest with 8 siblings, until I became a parent myself. The horror stories out there. And then of course, she breathes so quietly that I can’t hear her, so I tap her cheek or lift her hand…and she’s awake. Again. No nap for me. Why didn’t I just take the ten minute nap…

·          6) “Please don’t poop on me.” This is said like a prayer, repeated over and over while changing my newborn daughter until I’m in the clear with a new clean diaper put snuggly in place. We should have prizes for record breaking diaper changes, because that would be one of the most competitive sports out there. Most of you know the traumas of being pooped on. It’s like a shotgun…a paintball shot gun with smelly bullets….

There are so many more funny things we get to say because we’re parents. I’d love to hear the funny things YOU say (or have said).