Start Small

- a post by Jeanna Mason Stay

Anyone who lives near me and knows me well enough to drop in unexpectedly (or just drop in at all really) already knows this unsurprising fact: I am not much good at keeping the house clean. Insert the usual reasons here: small children, other priorities, and so on. This isn’t about making me feel better for having a messy house.

This is about making changes—to cleaning up, to writing, to whatever.

A friend of mine recommended this book called How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind (which, incidentally, is on sale at Amazon today only!), and I recently started reading it. Previous decluttering/cleaning-related books had fallen flat for me over and over. The ideas sounded awesome, but I was never very good with follow-through. (Plus, as has become a standing joke, I don’t like to talk to my socks, and my tax documents don’t really spark joy.)

This book is for the non-organized among us. In fact, the author, Dana White, starts off by saying that most of those other books are written by organized people, people who just logically work that way. White is not.

Well, honestly, I think this book is pretty great. It’s all kind of completely obvious—except that I’d never really thought these things through, and I’d never really bought into them before. So it’s obvious but also ... not obvious. And for the first time in a long time, my dishes are being finished every night (even if I have to handwash a couple!), my kitchen floor is clean(ish), and tidying doesn’t feel like it takes forever. I consider all of these things epic wins (even at the same time that I’m super embarrassed to admit that as a 37yo I still hadn’t figured out how to do these things regularly). So if you too have cleaning problems, go buy it! Read it! It’s an idea.

But this post isn’t actually about whether or not you’re a clean person. It’s about starting small. And how small makes a huge difference.

In How to Manage Your Home, the first task you’re assigned is just to do the dishes every day. For some of us, this seems like a daunting task. But White essentially says, “Pull up your big-kid panties and just do it.”

Do it the first day, when it’s really hard because you’re way behind.

And then do it the second day, when it’s not as bad.

And the third day, when it’s getting a little easier.

Novel concept, yes? Just do it.

And now we come around to writing! (See? I do get there eventually.)

How does a story get written? A few words at a time. A couple of sentences, then paragraphs, then pages. But how does it not get done? By staring at the blank screen (or even just thinking about the blank screen) and freaking out because there’s so much to do and you haven’t started and you’re on a deadline and your ideas are crap and everyone out there is a bestseller and your friend has a more popular social media account than you and maybe if you just post something brilliant (like a blog post about starting small?) suddenly everyone will love you and you’ll get contracts and agents and publishers and million-dollar advances, but wait, none of that is going to work because your screen is still blank and it’s freaking you out and...

Get the picture? So what should you do about that story that you haven’t figured out yet? That you really want to write but it’s scaring you because it’s so hard or you’re not sure where to go or you’re not sure you’re good enough to write it yet? (Welcome to my entire life right now, by the way.)

You should go sit and type a few sentences.

Do it today, when it’s awful and hard.

Do it tomorrow, when it’s still insanely daunting.

Do it the next day, even when you’re still lost.

And the next and the next and the next.

You can do it. (And now I have to go start working on that story I’ve been avoiding like the dickens. Sigh. Taking my own advice is overrated.)

In a Slump

- a post by Jeanna Mason Stay

I’ve been in a major slump when it comes to writing. Seriously. The last several times I sat down to write an MMW post, it didn’t happen. Last fortnight’s post only happened because my husband took mercy on me and wrote a guest post. But I’m starting to think it’s maybe one of those get-back-in-the-saddle-again things. Like this whole writing this is getting scarier and scarier because I keep avoiding it.

Here’s a true story:

You may or may not remember that I am a bit petrified of driving. Yes, I’ve gotten fairly used to it, and desensitization has definitely helped a lot (ongoing exposure to the thing you’re scared of). But I wasn’t always so petrified.

Back when I was fifteen, I took driver’s ed. I wasn’t a great driver, and I wasn’t superbly comfortable doing it, but I was passable. Then, through a series of unimportant, unrelated events, I didn’t get my license. Then the certificate saying I passed driver’s ed expired, so I had more reasons not to get a license. What started out as lack of comfort with driving grew bigger over the ensuing years. It became low-level anxiety, then it grew into occasional nightmares, and it kept going until just the thought of driving was slightly nauseating.

My phobia developed over a long stretch of time, and though it is fairly manageable now, I still have to be careful. If I go too long without driving at least a bit, I start feeling anxious again. I have to take the freeway frequently because I find that if I avoid it for a week or two, the fear begins to rise. It has to be tamped down on a regular basis.

I think I have gotten that way about writing too. Even now, typing this post, I can feel the tension in my shoulders, and my brain wants to be anywhere but here. It’s about all I can do to just stay on the page and not go skittering off to check Facebook or my email or Youtube or really anything. But it is only the continuing to do something that wears away at this sort of anxiety.

So this post, my friends, is my therapy. :) And you’ve all made lovely therapists. You probably deserve a raise. But I’m not going to give it to you. Unless I suddenly write a best-seller and magically become filthy rich (ha!). Then I’ll credit you all in the acknowledgments.

In the meantime, back in the real world, I hope that if you too are in a writing slump you will just sit down, tell the anxiety to go take a time-out like a misbehaving toddler, and write.

Imagination -- a Double Edged Sword

Having a good imagination can be an amazing thing. One need only pick up any fantasy book to see what I mean. Only someone with an awesome imagination can create whole worlds in which characters live and breath simply by stringing words together. I love having a good imagination and I'm really grateful for the ability to imagine things in my head and make them real on paper. But sometimes the ability to imagine the worst case scenario, for example, (which is important when writing a book) is not so great in real life applications.

This summer I sent my 14 year old daughter to Alaska to spend some time with my sister. I flew many times as a child all by myself starting at the age of 10. Therefore I didn't think I would have any problems with putting my teenage daughter on a plane by herself. Boy was I wrong. Every worst case scenario I could think of went through my mind and I was a mess.

The photo I took before she went to the airport

I even took a picture of her before she got on the plane so I would have a picture of exactly what she was wearing if anything should happen. This is the point when my daughter started rolling her eyes. I know it's illogical but I often find myself thinking of the worst case scenarios in many situations. This causes lots of fear.

This is when I have to remind myself that I know the anecdote to fear...FAITH. When my imagination runs away and I find myself afraid to even let my kids step out the front door, I say a prayer. My prayer is to remind myself that I trust God completely and as long as I have faith in Him all will be well. Even in hard times, even when the worst does happen, through Him there is no reason to let fear in. My favorite scripture in times of trial is John 14:27
27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

What more can I ask for than this? My faith brings peace. Faith is there "So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." (Hebrews 13:6)
So when my imagination holds me hostage inside, I can free myself with faith in my loving Father in Heaven.