Start Small

- a post by Jeanna Mason Stay

Anyone who lives near me and knows me well enough to drop in unexpectedly (or just drop in at all really) already knows this unsurprising fact: I am not much good at keeping the house clean. Insert the usual reasons here: small children, other priorities, and so on. This isn’t about making me feel better for having a messy house.

This is about making changes—to cleaning up, to writing, to whatever.

A friend of mine recommended this book called How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind (which, incidentally, is on sale at Amazon today only!), and I recently started reading it. Previous decluttering/cleaning-related books had fallen flat for me over and over. The ideas sounded awesome, but I was never very good with follow-through. (Plus, as has become a standing joke, I don’t like to talk to my socks, and my tax documents don’t really spark joy.)

This book is for the non-organized among us. In fact, the author, Dana White, starts off by saying that most of those other books are written by organized people, people who just logically work that way. White is not.

Well, honestly, I think this book is pretty great. It’s all kind of completely obvious—except that I’d never really thought these things through, and I’d never really bought into them before. So it’s obvious but also ... not obvious. And for the first time in a long time, my dishes are being finished every night (even if I have to handwash a couple!), my kitchen floor is clean(ish), and tidying doesn’t feel like it takes forever. I consider all of these things epic wins (even at the same time that I’m super embarrassed to admit that as a 37yo I still hadn’t figured out how to do these things regularly). So if you too have cleaning problems, go buy it! Read it! It’s an idea.

But this post isn’t actually about whether or not you’re a clean person. It’s about starting small. And how small makes a huge difference.

In How to Manage Your Home, the first task you’re assigned is just to do the dishes every day. For some of us, this seems like a daunting task. But White essentially says, “Pull up your big-kid panties and just do it.”

Do it the first day, when it’s really hard because you’re way behind.

And then do it the second day, when it’s not as bad.

And the third day, when it’s getting a little easier.

Novel concept, yes? Just do it.

And now we come around to writing! (See? I do get there eventually.)

How does a story get written? A few words at a time. A couple of sentences, then paragraphs, then pages. But how does it not get done? By staring at the blank screen (or even just thinking about the blank screen) and freaking out because there’s so much to do and you haven’t started and you’re on a deadline and your ideas are crap and everyone out there is a bestseller and your friend has a more popular social media account than you and maybe if you just post something brilliant (like a blog post about starting small?) suddenly everyone will love you and you’ll get contracts and agents and publishers and million-dollar advances, but wait, none of that is going to work because your screen is still blank and it’s freaking you out and...

Get the picture? So what should you do about that story that you haven’t figured out yet? That you really want to write but it’s scaring you because it’s so hard or you’re not sure where to go or you’re not sure you’re good enough to write it yet? (Welcome to my entire life right now, by the way.)

You should go sit and type a few sentences.

Do it today, when it’s awful and hard.

Do it tomorrow, when it’s still insanely daunting.

Do it the next day, even when you’re still lost.

And the next and the next and the next.

You can do it. (And now I have to go start working on that story I’ve been avoiding like the dickens. Sigh. Taking my own advice is overrated.)

Criticism and the Writer

by Jewel Leann Williams

Unless you are writing a journal entry, or a secret document you never intend the world to see, you will endure criticism. Anyone who reads your book, poem, short story, or blog entry, will have thoughts about it, whether they express them or not.

Your words will resonate with them--or they won't.

Your characters, the setting, your pacing--all of those things will either engage them, or they won't.

So, why not get some good, solid criticism before you let your words go public, so that you can change those things that need to be corrected, before it's too late?

Well, because asking people whose opinion you value to possibly tell you things they don't like about this thing you've been pouring your soul into, is absolutely frightening, that's why!

Many writers are so terrified to hear that their "baby" is actually really ugly, that they don't ever present to critique groups or beta readers.

What's worse, some writers are so invested in their project that even if they do have beta readers, when those readers outline all the things that are wrong with the book, the writer has a meltdown. Sometimes they go on Facebook to get validation and commiseration, they may discount the criticism, or possibly take it so much to heart that they don't touch the project again.

These things ought not to be. With this in mind, I present the following steps to receiving criticism as a writer (I am talking about the kind of criticism you ASK for: critique groups, beta readers, etc.):

Step 1: Say, "Thank you."   You did, after all, ask for them to read and comment. They sacrificed time to read your project.

Step 2: get out the salt. You will need at least one grain of it to take with each comment.  You have to take into account that everyone has their own pre-established likes, dislikes, and idiosyncrasies that will color their perception of your work.

Step 3: Keep this advice from Neil Gaiman in mind:

When people say "This doesn't work for me," there is always a reason. However, the reason may be completely different than what they think it is. Pay attention to those things that are unsettling to your beta readers, but be aware that their solution is not necessarily the solution.

Step 4: Pray or meditate on it.  I believe that God wants me to use my talents as a writer to help His children.  Because of that, I also believe that He will direct me in the use of my writing, if I ask Him. That may not be your belief, but I promise if you take time to reflect on the things that your beta readers have told you, you can be more mindful of what changes you need to make and which ones are not necessary.

Step 5: Be true to yourself; true to your story.  But don't be afraid to "kill your darlings" if necessary.  IF NECESSARY. You don't have to. Sometimes one reader may not like something that may be perfectly wonderful to another. YOU get the final say.

Step 6: Do it all over again. Make changes, get feedback. Make more changes, get more feedback. Think of it as sanding furniture, or polishing a stone or a car... you refine, refine, refine, with finer grit sandpaper, until you can truly see the gem shining through.

What advice do YOU have for writers dealing with critiques? Post in the comments!

Taking Time to Recharge

by Jewel Leann Williams

I don't know about anyone else, but with summer comes doldrums. I mean, BIG time doldrums. Not only does it feel like the crispy oven-like heat will just never end (yup, I'm an Arizonan), but my whole family is home, and they are all cranky and uncooperative from staying up late, getting up late, and not being able to go outside for fear of instant vaporization a la Raiders of the Lost Ark. We tend to sort of sit around in a funk, unless we have miraculously planned some escape from it for the day.

(Disclaimer: I'm not whining, really. I work nights and my husband is working days; it becomes difficult to schedule outings and things, so yeah, we really are that family that was binge-watching before binge-watching was cool.)

At any rate, all of this makes it very hard to write, even my biweekly blog.

Add to that the mayhem of the past month or so, and my head is spinning, my heart is hurting, and I am at a loss for what I could possibly say that would matter an iota in the grand scheme of things.

It occurs to me that other people may be feeling the same, or at least suffering some of the symptoms of the summer (and world insanity) doldrums.  In that spirit, I present to you some ideas for recharging your writer's mind, body, and soul.

First and foremost, we all need to acknowledge that we NEED recharging. As moms, wives, and creative minds, we tend to think we always need to be "on"--that's just not true. We don't expect athletes to play games every single day with no break, or dentists or doctors to do their dentistry and doctoring 24/7, yet we don't often give ourselves permission to take a break.  I'm also proposing that this break can't just be an escape-break, but needs to be one specifically designed to recharge. (Sometimes escaping is all we need to recharge, but sometimes, we just go back to the same grind and the battery depletes itself faster than a 2005 Nokia battery.)

Okay, with that said, here are some tips:

UNPLUG!!! Not only do many of our electronic past-times (talking to you, Facebook) waste our time, but we tend to get caught up in the emotions of our newsfeeds.

Something like this:

ThatpuppyissocuteOHmygoshsomethingelseinFrancePLEASEdon'tvoteforTrumpClinton3rdpartiesFullerHouseisthebestshowBlackLivesMatterBlueLivesMatterThatrecipelooksamazing....

Up, down, love, anger, frustration, fear--emotional stimulus without any time for processing, without any real physical engagement--it is taxing and it is draining your emotional battery. So dump it, even if only for a day. But for that day, REALLY dump it. Rest your psyche a little.

Get back to nature:

Did you know that camping, REALLY camping, leaving all the man-made light and devices at home (you can have a campfire... and if the bathroom is far, a flashlight)--has been shown to reset your body's biological clock and combat the detrimental effects of artificially altering our circadian rhythms?  It's true! (Those detrimental effects range from the mild morning drowsies, to weight gain, substance abuse, mood disorders.... yuck.) Here's a link to the article (which has its own link to an informative video): https://directorsblog.nih.gov/2013/08/29/reset-your-body-clock-with-a-camping-trip/


But even if you can't camp, going for a walk in a park, sitting outside in the moonlight, breathing air that didn't go through a machine to get to you--connecting with nature can help clear your head and give you a boost. Sometimes that little added zip is what you might need to refocus.

Exercise.  I groan even as I type it. But did you know that exercise increases your mitochondria? When I read this, I instantly thought of Charles Wallace's little farandolae and mitochondria in A WIND IN THE DOOR, the sequel to one of my favorite books, A WRINKLE IN TIME. Charles Wallace is sick and his mitochondria are dying, leaving him constantly out of breath. Saving the mitochondria is key to saving him, and the universe.

But I digress. Mitochondria are the energy powerhouses of our cells. Exercise makes mitochondria grow, thereby giving our cells and our bodies much needed energy.

Also:

This brings me to another point:

Spend time--real time--with the people you love, or with people who inspire you.  I'm also saying that it needs to be real time, reconnecting time. Not "everyone sitting around watching a movie" time, or "Oh my gosh just please can we do the dishes" time.  But the kind of time that reminds you why you like these people to begin with. Time that reminds you why you like YOU.

It can even be spending real, quality time, with the person you want to be. Remember when you were a fired-up, can't nothin' hold me back, look out world, kind of writer? What made that person tick? What did you do then? Sometimes getting in touch with that person can help you to get back to that place.

This is where ANWA (or other writers' groups, or even an informal group of writerly friends) can really help. Conferences, retreats, meetings, even write-in's have always helped me to truly recharge and reconnect to the reason I write, and help me to find the muse that seems to be increasingly finicky the busier and more zombified-by-my-crazy-life I get.

Alrighty, there you have it. A few tips. I think I'll off and try one or more of those.  Once you've recharged, get back to writing!! You don't want to waste all of your newly charged batteries now, do ya?

What are some tried-and-true methods you have for recharging your writerly battery?  Share in the comments!

The Apple Tree

by Jewel Leann Williams

A couple of weeks ago I saw a video that was shared on Facebook that talked about apple trees, and creativity, and becoming who we were meant to be. I watched it and moved on, but some of the thoughts stayed with me. They percolated for a while, and then in a panic I realized that this was what I wanted to write about--and I couldn't find the video!!

After a plea for help on the Facebook and thankfully a friend who figured out what I was looking for, and I got to watch the video again.  I will link to it after this article.

So what of the apple tree?

If we look at an apple tree, we notice that it doesn't care how many apples it sells. It doesn't worry if people like the apples or not. It just does what it's supposed to do, which is produce apples.  If you see an apple tree that isn't giving apples, it is probably a sick tree, and we know there is something wrong and try to help it to return to its purpose.

The takeaway for us, as writers, is that often we get so caught up in whether people will like what we've written, or buy what  we've written, that we destroy our own creativity.  We stop writing because "no one likes what I write" or "I can't get an agent on anything I've done," or whatever reason.

But are you an apple tree? Were you born to put words out there into the world, to uplift, inspire, bring light? I affirm to you that you were. Our Father in Heaven gave you the talent and  the urge to write for a reason.

So what if you don't?

Another quote  paraphrase from this video:

We stress because we're not giving our gift that we are naturally here to give, and all day long we hear that gift inside us, whispering for us to do that thing we were born to do. 

That's the apples in us, trying to make their way up through the xylem and phloem, the trunk, the branches, the twigs, to flower and bud. Sometimes we don't feed the tree, don't give it any sunlight, and we become sick. Stressed about not writing, depressed about not creating, blocked and bitter because we say things like, "I used to be a writer, but I don't write anymore."

In a more scriptural analogy, it's because we know full well that the Master will not be happy when he sees that we've taken our talent and judged that it's not what others were given, not as shiny or as big, and we've buried it in the ground for fear.

That voice says, "Do this one thing" but we're scared, because we only see the loss of what we could give up, not the infinite possibilities that lay beyond that one leap. (More paraphrasing there)

Look what I found from Elder Russell M. Nelson!

From LDS.net

Can I ask you (and myself more than any) to BE the apple tree? You already are placed here for a purpose, and just like an apple tree, you can nourish your purpose and give it lots of sun, shape it and strengthen it, and fulfill that purpose. Fear is the enemy as much as frost in winter (for those of us from Arizona, that's like the 3 cold nights where we put sheets on our plants).

This one is a direct quote:

There is a power in you that has been calling to you since day one, and today could actually be the day that you listen.  

How can you "access your apple tree?"

The Benefits of a Writing Mentor

By Lacey Gunter

In nearly anything that takes a certain level of skill or practice, it can be helpful to have a mentor. Writing is no different. There are lots of benefits to having a writing mentor (or a few).

So, most people would consider a mentor to be someone with an expertise, or a high level of knowledge and/or experience who helps guide and teach you.  I would even go a little step further and include anyone who has a richer knowledge and experience base than you from who you seek advice and help from (whether they be an expert or not).  Sometimes just having someone who is a few steps ahead of you in the game can be quite helpful, while not so intimidating.

So how can having a writing mentor help you?  There are many ways, but here are just a few to consider. 

1) They can help you recognize the weaknesses in your writing and suggest ways to improve them.
2) They can help you understand the process of querying, submitting, contracts, publishing and marketing.
3) The can inform you about possible mistakes or pitfalls they have experienced or witnessed in the process of writing and publishing.
4) They can give you an insider's knowledge on agents, editors and publishers.
5) They can introduce or connect you with other people who can help you with your writing or with publishing.
6) They can be a source of strength and encouragement when facing the difficulties of  writers block and the disappointment of multiple rejections.

Then how does one go about finding a writing mentor?  They are many ways to do this. Attending  writers association's meetings and conferences is a great way to find a mentor. Meetings and conferences are full of people who are happy to offer wisdom and guidance. Being respectful of their time and showing gratitude for their help and advice can encourage someone to continue a mentoring relationship.  Finding people online and asking questions is also another good way to find a mentor. Mentors within your genre of writing can be most beneficial, but don't limit yourself as valuable advice and encouragement can come from many avenues.

Once you find that mentor and are guided and nurtured by them, remember the great help they have been to you and be willing to pass on that wisdom and experience to some one else when you become the expert.

Are You in the Arena?

by Mare Ball  Adventures in the Ballpark

Brene Brown, PhD

Are you familiar with Brene Brown?  She's a motivational speaker whom I saw for the first time on OWN, and I was so inspired with what she had to say about moving forward with your dreams.  

When Brene first began to speak/write, she received some criticism, and it bothered her.  She got snide remarks on Facebook and Twitter about her ideas, but also stupid stuff.  Some people focused on insignificant things, like her hair and weight.  She read everything, and it began to unsettle her confidence.   

Then, she had an epiphany.  She realized "if you're going to be in the arena, you're going to get your butt kicked."  She also realized she couldn't do anything about what other people think. 

So, her next thought was this: "If you're not also in the arena, I'm not interested in your feedback."

It's so easy to critique or criticize others who are playing a game we're not in.  We think we could do it better; look better, handle the pressure better.  Only because we're not doing any of it, and fantasy is always more wonderful than reality. 

As I mentioned last time I posted here, I'm taking a marketing class regarding getting published, and I'm realizing the world is a competitive place with all kinds of people, and compelling people to want to hear my voice is going to be hard work.  Some days, I'm sure I'll get my butt kicked.

But, the bigger lesson is that criticism from people who are in my game are likely going to have significant things to say.  I want to be open to those folks.  If I was looking to start a talk show, and Oprah had a few suggestions, I'd be taking notes.

People who are not in the writing/publishing game....they are welcome to their opinions, as everyone is.  But I want to keep Brene's words in mind.  Writing and getting published are marathons, and I have to keep my eye on the prize.  If people have something to say about my weight, or my hair, or my ideas, but they're not in the arena....I'm (respectfully) not listening.

Saturday So What: Swat the flies, not your kids

free image courtesy of freedigitalphoto.net

So What is wrong at my house?

My kids are whacking each other, that's what. And for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. I abhor violence and don't spank unless mortal danger was involved in the infraction. So when my nearly 3 year old got mad at her 5 year old sister and slapped her hard on the back, I blamed unruly preschool kids for rubbing off on my angels.

Flash forward an hour. The two "little angels" were nose to nose yelling at one another. I'd had it. I hollered for them to stop. It was like they couldn't even hear me. Next I stomped over and dropped down to their level.  Still, like I wasn't even in the room. So what did I do? I swatted both girls on the back to get their attention. Just a featherlite pat.

Lightbulb.

These kids were like funhouse mirrors, reflecting and distorting my behavior back. When I was frustrated at them, I would swat them to get their attention, or get down to eye level. How must that look to them? I'm big, they're little.  Though I don't intend it to come off as intimidating, it probably does. So they take that tap and magnify it 20x.

I have a few things to work on apparently. What about you guys? Have you ever accidentally been a bad influence? Better yet, how do you discourage fighting?

-Betsy

Saturday So What: Do you have a case of the T.M.I.'s?

 With the advent of social media, sometimes we all suffer from the TMI's (too much information). Does the world really need to know what you had for lunch today? Or how many times your kid went peepee in the potty (guilty).

Setting that aside, as a writer do you suffer from TMI? And I'm not just talking about inappropriate info either. Are your stories overfilled with choreography or mind numbing detail that doesn't provide insight or advance the plot? Do you describe the scenery to the last tea kozy? Describe the meal to the last crumb? Not every action needs to be shown.




 But Betsy, my character has to eat! True, but your character uses the potty too, but we don't usually narrate that.

As writers, I think we fall in love with the world that we have created, and we want everyone else to see it as vividly too.  We can fall into the trap of writing every moment out just as we see it in our heads. From which hand reaches for the salt shaker to the color of the marble flecks in the counter.

 Don't get me wrong, details are good. Especially slightly odd or interesting ones.  Done right, they can give depth and mean more than just the surface words. But too much, and those little pieces of the real meat of the story get lost in the filler. Think the story version of the 99 cent hot dog. Where's the beef?


Until next week, join me on my blogs as I plead for a civil political season (yeah that'll happen), in If you can't say something nice. And see if your eating habits resemble the family dog in Fighting Fido.

Saturday So What: Revisions

Today, I am searching for the vision in revisions. I'm currently working on three different books, each of them in a different stage of the the revision process.


Finished being Fat, is in the line edit stage. No thought required. Just fix the grammatic mistakes, a few word choices here and there.. and voila. Done.

Trouble's on the Menu, is in the editorial revision stage. That's where my editor has read through the manuscript, accepted it, but has a list of changes she wants before it goes to press. These can get really nit picky or broad. Most notes are content based. One in particular has me eliminating an entire character from the book.  I'm not gonna lie, it hurts, and it's a lot of work. There's an element of pride involved. Finding out some of the things you thought were clever turned out to be lame. But I have to change it anyway. Why? Because they're paying me to and my contract says I have to. LOL

House of Emerald is so much trickier. It's still in the pre-submittal phase. I'm working on it with my critique groups and a beta reader or two. This is where I need to find the vision. My vision, because everyone else has one as well. I have notes that say I need more description, I have notes that say I am using too much description. If I followed every single critique I've gotten, my book would be a mess. It's easy to take everyone's advice as law. But it's not. It's an opinion. And in the end, I need to weigh them and then trust my gut and incorporate some of the suggestions.

Revisions can be tough. It's really easy to get lost, but the best advice I can give is to remember one thing. It's your book. You make all the decisions until you sign that puppy over to someone else.  And even then if you really believe something, there's a bit of wiggle room. Trust yourself and your vision. At the same time, realize that sometimes you have to let a few favorite lines go for the good of the book.  Make a separate word file and cut and paste them over there. Never know when they might come in handy.

Thanks for reading. You can pick up a few pointers on character voicing on my blog post Tut, tut, looks like rain. Or read about the post marathon let down in ... now what?  See you next week.

Saturday So What: Peanut Gallery

Doesn't matter what you're doing in life. Whether you're writing, parenting, cooking, or making death defying leaps from planes (just trying to include everyone), somebody has advice on how you can do it better. So today's post is all about what to do with said unsolicited or in rare cases solicited advice.

So what should I do about the peanut gallery?


Whether you're looking for it or not, everybody's got an opinion. And they will tell you whether you want them to or not. I've found this to be particularly true with writing and parenting. Your mom thinks she knows exactly how to make your 5 year old eat their broccoli, and your critique group knows why your main character is a snot. Sometimes all you can hear is one big cacophony. The trick is knowing which voices to listen to, and which to nod politely to and tune out.


 "The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance. It is the illusion of knowledge."
Daniel J. Boorstin 

We can and must learn from those around us otherwise our life and works would never improve. But not every Tom, Dick, and Sally is an expert on what will work in your life. I used to treat everything others said as expert testimony, trying to implement each and every tip and trick. Now I treat the peanut gallery like peanuts. I  get out the good stuff, and then throw the shells away.

  Well, how the heck are you supposed to do that? Here's what works for me.
1. I let down my defenses
2. I hear, not just listen to what the person has to say.
3. I openly consider the value of the information
4. Decide whether or not it is practical or would make an improvement in my situation.
5. Pick out the nuts that have merit
6. And MOST importantly toss out the ones that don't. Throw them away and never think of them again.

#6 is the key for me at least. I have to let go of the words that hurt my feelings. Here's a little example.

I was with my 5 year old in the supermarket when she threw a HUGE fit over not getting a candy bar. So what did I do? I put her in time out, on the spot, right next to the candy aisle. And of course, someone had to tell me what a horrible mother I was to let my child scream and scream. Not so long ago I would have taken those thoughtless words and carried them around with me. They would have weighed down my heart and made me question my own worth as a parent. Today I know better. I followed the steps above, sincerely considering if I had made a bad choice, decided I was doing the right thing for my kid and discipline style, then tossed out the shells of the peanut gallery's advice. After the time out I felt good, and I felt like a good mommy for sticking with the plan I had set out, even though it was embarrassing.

So that's my two cents on the peanut gallery. If you want more from my little corner of the world you can visit my other blog's posts today. Workout Barbie and the List.

Until next time, feel free to suggest your own topics for So What. Next week I will have a special guest, don't miss it!