Are You in the Arena?

by Mare Ball  Adventures in the Ballpark

Brene Brown, PhD

Are you familiar with Brene Brown?  She's a motivational speaker whom I saw for the first time on OWN, and I was so inspired with what she had to say about moving forward with your dreams.  

When Brene first began to speak/write, she received some criticism, and it bothered her.  She got snide remarks on Facebook and Twitter about her ideas, but also stupid stuff.  Some people focused on insignificant things, like her hair and weight.  She read everything, and it began to unsettle her confidence.   

Then, she had an epiphany.  She realized "if you're going to be in the arena, you're going to get your butt kicked."  She also realized she couldn't do anything about what other people think. 

So, her next thought was this: "If you're not also in the arena, I'm not interested in your feedback."

It's so easy to critique or criticize others who are playing a game we're not in.  We think we could do it better; look better, handle the pressure better.  Only because we're not doing any of it, and fantasy is always more wonderful than reality. 

As I mentioned last time I posted here, I'm taking a marketing class regarding getting published, and I'm realizing the world is a competitive place with all kinds of people, and compelling people to want to hear my voice is going to be hard work.  Some days, I'm sure I'll get my butt kicked.

But, the bigger lesson is that criticism from people who are in my game are likely going to have significant things to say.  I want to be open to those folks.  If I was looking to start a talk show, and Oprah had a few suggestions, I'd be taking notes.

People who are not in the writing/publishing game....they are welcome to their opinions, as everyone is.  But I want to keep Brene's words in mind.  Writing and getting published are marathons, and I have to keep my eye on the prize.  If people have something to say about my weight, or my hair, or my ideas, but they're not in the arena....I'm (respectfully) not listening.

Crossing the Finish Line

I have a confession.

I've been writing since third grade.  I've dabbled with poetry, short stories and novel length fiction.  I even have the beginnings of a non-fiction book that I like to pull out and dust off from time to time.  The last I counted, I had eighteen different manuscripts at various stages of production, ranging from the work I wrote while I was in high school all the way till the present.

Eighteen.  And that's just the ones I can find and count.  I'm pretty sure there's others buried in boxes or zip drives and forgotten....

My confession?  I've never finished one of them.  I have never completed a first draft. 

Last November I persevered through NaNo, bringing one of my WIP's to the 50,000 mark.  And that was the first time I've written past 40k.  I was naturally excited, but once again, did not finish.

I don't know why I do it.  It's not standard behavior for me to begin a project and toss it aside half done.

With some of the books I lost interest.  Some of the books I got stuck.  Some of the books I got busy, and then lost the flow of creativity and desire, and the ambition to jump back in.

Until now.  On Friday, January 6, 2012, I sat down with the computer after the tucking the kids into bed, and wrote out a chapter of a story that had been floating around in my head for a couple of days.  I took it to critique group the next day, got some great feedback and advice, and dove in feet first without looking back.  Sometimes it took a lot of willpower, but I held myself to a steady goal of adding to my word count every night. (It helped that my husband had three night classes and was never home in the evening).  Some weeks the words just flowed.  Some weeks I stagnated in self-doubt and uncertainty.  (When you're climbing a high building, it's good advice to not look down.  When' you're writing a first draft, it's a good idea to not look back.)

This past Saturday, I passed the 85,000 mark.  And I can't be totally certain, but I think I'm on the last chapter.

I can hardly contain my excitement.  This is what it feels like?  It reminds me somewhat of labor.  You get to the other side and think, well gee - that wasn't so bad!

The race is not over yet.  Now the real work begins.

Here's to crossing the finish line.

If At First....

I bet you can all finish that phrase, can't you. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." I used to hate that saying. It meant that I didn't get things right the first time. And I hate being wrong.

But life is full of these little lessons, pointing out to us over and over again that we can't do everything perfectly all of the time. There will be ups and downs, good days and bad, peace and struggles.
Think about this while I share a little experience.

My oldest daughter is very bright. She got her math brain from her equally brilliant father. So as a 9th grader, she is taking Algebra 2. She's had this teacher before, and didn't like her. The teacher's "teaching style" and my daughter's "learning style" don't mesh. But since this is the math track my daughter's on, she has to take this class from this teacher this year.

She came into me yesterday evening, frustrated beyond belief. She'd been sick last week and had missed one day of class, which meant that she was simply handed the missing assignment and expected to catch up. But she didn't understand what they were covering because of this miscommunication between styles.

At first I didn't know how to help her. I have not done any serious math in YEARS. YEARS, PEOPLE! I was in a quandary because she was talking about wanting me to sign her out of class so she wouldn't have to take the test on Monday. I couldn't let her do that, but I didn't know how to help her. Eventually it dawned on me that there had to be something, somewhere on the Internet that could help explain things so my daughter could do her assignment. After a few misses, I found a site that explained how to solve and graph parabolas (yeah, I didn't know what they were, either) so well even I could do it now, if pressed. So now, even though it's after 2 am, I'm blogging while she finishes her assignment, because she was so excited about actually "getting" it, she wanted to get it done right away.

It was an epiphany for me. There are so many things in life that require perseverance. Anything worthwhile, in fact. Thinks of worth take work, dedication, and a willingness to go through the briars to get to the berry patch on the other side. But sometimes it takes an outside view to point us through the pokey bits.


So ask yourself this question: where in your life could you use a fresh perspective? Maybe have an outside person help you see where you can improve? Are you ready for a critique group, maybe? Or perhaps you just need your BFF to tell you the truth about your weight. It doesn't matter what part of life it's in, writing related or not. There's probably something you're procrastinating doing because you're stuck in the maze, and don't know which way to turn.

Find a new perspective, a fresh pair of eyes. We all need it, now and again.