A match made in Heaven....

By Lacey Gunter

In western cultures we love to romanticize the idea of a soul mate; that supposed person who is the other half of our whole. All the while, we women seem to never be satisfied with the half we make up.  We have the hardest time looking in the mirror without zeroing in on exactly what isn't great about our bodies, always obsessing about our physical flaws.

I find great irony in this situation, although, probably not in the way you would think. You see, our souls, or our spirits, have already been matched up with what Heaven believes will be the perfect fit, our utterly amazing physical bodies.

Who knows whether there is really another person out there that is the only perfectly right person for you? But there can be no question about which body God wanted your spirit to reside with. Yet, often, that match garners little or no enthusiasm.

The union between our bodies and our spirits is much like a marriage, albeit an arranged marriage.  Marriages thrive when both partners possess love and respect for each other. So what kind of partner is your spirit being in this relationship?  Are you abusive and unkind? Do you put your partner down for its shortcomings? Are you always pointing out the negative and failing to notice and give credit for the things that are wonderful, unique and special about your partner?

If we want this union between our physical bodies and our souls to flourish, women, we need to stop hating on our physical bodies. We need to cultivate a deep and abiding love and respect for the truly remarkable creation that they are. So give your body a hug. And when you look in the mirror next time, thank your body for all the many things it's doing right today.

Staying Positive While Treading the Waters of Rejection

By Lacey Gunter

I am currently in the process of querying. As many of you know, this can feel like an act of self initiated torture. Given the odds of success, this description may not be too off base. Unless you are that one in a million, one must be prepared to face rejection and likely a lot of it.

I am not sure who originally coined the phrase (or equation, rather) "Happiness equals reality minus expectations," but applied to this situation, the only sure way to be happy seems to be to expect rejection. On the surface this sounds very pessimistic and counter productive to success. So are we then forced to choose between optimism and happiness?

I would say NO. So then, how do we stay positive while treading the waters of rejection? There are many techniques that can help us do this. Here are a few that I have been using. (Please forgive me if I sound like I am in statistics instructor mode. I am immersed in it a good portion of my time, so it can be difficult to step back out.)

1.Bring the odds to your favor: Rare events, by definition, occur very rarely. So if you only observe a single outcome, you are very unlikely to witness a rare event. But rare is not the same as impossible. Observe many, many, many outcomes and you are much more likely to observe a rare event.  So in writers speak, one can maintain optimism about eventual success, while still recognizing that this particular submission will most likely end in a rejection. Write frequently and submit often and eventually the odds of success are going to be in your favor.  

2. Keep moving forward: When you first try to tread water you feel like you are barely hanging on
and you don't know how to swim. But the more you practice it the stronger you become. Eventually you are strong enough and skilled enough to just swim. Writing and writing well is a skill. Like all skills, the more you practice the better you get. Especially if you take the time and effort to learn from your rejections. If you tread the waters of rejection long enough, you will eventually be strong and skilled enough to swim away down the lane toward success.

3. Be grateful:  As painful as rejection is, I have found more peace and closure when I take the time to tell agents thank you for reviewing and considering my manuscript. They may never take the time to open up my thank you email, but that doesn't really matter. I have already experienced the positive mental and physical health benefits of gratitude and I am emotionally prepared to try again.

These are a few techniques I use to stay positive. I'm sure you have a few we could all benefit from hearing about. Stay positive and just keep treading.

It's All In The Attitude!

I had a writer friend share today that her manuscript, her baby, her true labor of love was rejected today. This was doubly hard to hear because the agent had deliberately sought her out and requested her work. I so feel for her. Her book is fabulous. Great writing, a huge family saga/drama of the style of Rosamunde Pilcher. Just stellar. But I guess she wasn't to the taste of the agent.
It's hard, because this industry is so subjective. We try so hard to get our ducks in a row, good plot line, careful crafting of sentences, checking and rechecking for grammar, spelling, wordiness. Those are things we can control. But once we let these children go, we have no control over how people will react to them, what attitude they may have as they read our stories.

Another writer friend (Thanks Stephanie!) posted this on Facebook today and it reminded me yet again of how important it is to find the right attitude to filter life through. Laugh, snort, and enjoy (I did!) and remember that we are supposed to "act, and not be acted upon".

Quitting

At some point in every writer's career, they ask themselves what they think they are doing. Why would they think someone else would want to read their work? What agent/editor is ever going to love this work even close to as much as the writer does?


How will they ever get published?

I've recently stumbled on some amazing responses to these questions. I'm going to list a couple of these below and hopefully they will help you as much as they have helped me.

~ Stephen King said: the first million words are practice.
That sounds daunting, but it's really not. All you have to do is keep writing.

~ Dr. Seuss said: Everything stinks until it's finished.

~ Will Rogers said: Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

~ Tony McGee Causey did a wonderful post on quitting on her blog. I recommend everyone go read it.


and to end on a happy note, Groucho Marx.

“Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.”

“Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read.”

May we all resolve today not to quit until writing becomes something we don't love to do.