To Be (Anxious), or Not To Be

by Mare Ball from ADVENTURES IN THE BALLPARK

I've been a bit stuck this week.

I'm waiting to hear from an editor about my critiquing my book proposal.

 I'm debating blogging my book instead of traditional publishing.

The missing Malaysia plane is worrisome.  I can't imagine the heartbreak of those families.

My father-in-law had a stroke last week, and we're waiting to see what his prognosis will be.

So many unknowns at this point.

When I'm anxiously waiting for life to unfold, it's sometimes helpful for me to focus on the KNOWNS, big or small, in my life.  Here are a few that are carrying me through this week.

1.  I have chocolate chips in the freezer.

2.  There's plenty of laundry to hang on the line (I actually enjoy this.)

3.   My kids love me (most of the time.)

4.   My husband loves me.

5.  I have thumbs that work, so I can write to my heart's content.

6.  The sun will come up tomorrow.

7.  God is in control.  And He knows all outcomes already.

So, I need to just wiggle past feeling stuck and get on to the next thing.  Worrying about events doesn't move anything forward.  Why is this so hard to remember?! 

From God's word to my heart - "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God (emphasis mine.)"  Phil. 4:6

What are you stuck on this week?

Hurry Up and Wait

Ever have one of those weeks where you just think - what are you doing, God?

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the wrong life.  Or on the wrong train.  Or just in the way.  I can't figure out what I'm suppose to be doing.

Our daughter is buying her first house.  It needs some work.  I called a carpenter, a builder, and an aluminum company for estimates on some roof work.  One called me back, two did not.   The one who returned my call referred me to the one who has not called me back.  Waiting....

We discovered a leak in our upstairs bathtub a few weeks ago.  Called a plumber, who recommended a new tub, along with repairing the pipes that drip water into the garage every time the shower runs.   We ordered a new tub and hired a tile guy to tear out the tub and attached tile.  (The toilet had to come out too, and now sits in my office.)

The plumber returned and announced the new tub is too big.  Apparently, new tubs aren't standard sizes for older homes.  Back online we go...will Home Depot take back the big tub?  Do they even make the size tub we need?  There are a few.  Not really what I want, but at this point, I just need something that fits.

Last week, I deposited in the bank a check from some stocks we had cashed in.  Six days later, I paid some bills online, and next day, we had not one cent in our account.  WHAT?

My husband contacted our bank, and we were given the rigmarole about the sizable amount of the check, how long it takes to clear, yadda, yadda.   We've cashed in stock before with nary a problem.  We'll check on it, we were told.  Waiting...

On Friday, my dad had some stroke symptoms and, upon admission to the hospital, it was discovered he had a small brain bleed.  He will be 90 in about two weeks.  They admitted him to ICU and scheduled surgery (burr holes in the skull to clean out the debris) for Sunday.  Everything stopped for about 48 hours.  Waiting...

Dad did fine with the surgery and was moved out of ICU on Monday.  Great relief.  For a day.  He now has a bladder problem and a lung issue that might keep him in the hospital longer.  Waiting...

Yesterday, I tried to catch Dad's doctor.  Sat with Dad, roamed the halls, got tea from the coffee shop, roamed some more.  No doctor.  I finally left.  He showed up shortly after that.  

I felt like I just keep missing the boat.  Or the peg hole.  No contractors, no tub, no money, no updates on Dad. 

Last night, I was thinking, I'll just hide out today and try to accomplish nothing.  Then maybe something will get done.  I didn't even go to the gym.  I stayed in my jammies until my husband announced he'd found a tub, here locally, that we could have delivered today.  Then, the bank called and said the stock money was fully available and they pulled all the fees we'd been charged due to a slow-clearing check from Merrill Lynch.  The aluminum company called and will assess our daughter's roof next week.  

Wow, I thought.  Sit around, and stuff happens.

Dad is still in waiting mode, but apparently I can't have everything. 

I don't really know the moral of this story, except this:  "Be still and know that I am God" has new meaning.    

 

Saturday So What: Sting of life

Last week's So What was all about the bumblebee. This week's post is inspired by his pal, the wasp.

A few days ago, my 5 yr old daughter was playing outside. From inside, I heard a scream of pure pain and I knew that  this wasn't a case of her little sister stealing a toy. Something was broken or bleeding. I ran out and saw her holding her finger. She had been stung by a wasp for the first time.

You think someone would have hacked her hand off the way she carried on, but in that moment, her little world had changed. She already has anxiety problems, but now they were on overdrive. After calming her down (for hours) I finally dragged out what was bothering her. Usually when she gets owies, they are the consequence of her behavior. You run around like a crazy girl, you'll probably trip at some point. Keep poking your sister, and she'll probably whack you. But this time, she had done nothing to warrant the pain. She was being a good girl, doing everything she was supposed to, and something stung her unexpectedly.

She vowed to never go outside again. She was scared to death that something else would come and get her when she wasn't looking. I'm still trying to get her back outside, and while I'm thinking of ways to do that, I started thinking of how true this situation is of life in general.

Alot of times our trials are a direct consequence of our actions, but sometimes they're not. Sometimes we are on our path, doing everything right, and something comes and stings us. Losing a job, or heaven forbid a child. Or someone offends you and hurts your heart. I have a tendency to react like my daughter, to draw in and hide under the covers. Afraid that the big bad world is gonna get me again. If I get a particularly harsh criticism, I don't ever want to let anybody near my work. I want to keep it to myself, stay safe.

Thinking about this and what I make myself do, is the same approach I need to take with my daughter. I can't promise that she'll never get stung again if she goes outside. In fact she probably will. But if she stays inside, think of all the great things she'll miss out on. Riding bikes, playing on the new playground, and running through the sprinklers.

Bad things are going to happen, things are going to hurt. It's inevitable. But if we close ourselves off to the possibilities because we are afraid of the sting, think of all the great things we'll miss out on while we're inside looking out the window.

Thanks for reading. You can visit me at my other blogs and read  this week's post, 50 shades of ranting, or check in on my marathon training.