We don’t need to wait to be chosen, we already are!

By: Kristi Hartman

I have been reading MMW for almost a year now, and am so excited to be able to share the space with such amazing and inspirational women, and to bask in the world of those who have similar goals as mine. 

My name is Kristi Hartman, and I have been dreaming of becoming a writer for years and years.  I have had a specific story in my mind for the past 3 years that I have been struggling to get out.  Writing is such a passion of mine, but is also a frustration.  I can’t seem to get in enough time to truly make a dent in my goals.  One of these reasons, (or two, or three) are my 3 happy and adorable, (and sometimes whiny ;) kids.  I am blessed to stay home with them and watch them change and grow on a daily basis, as I try to fit in the writing, mothering, household, community and church tasks each day. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But I will keep trying! 

I hope to be able to share and inspire with you the way other writers on MMW have done for me.

I have been struggling with my inadequacies as a writer for the past few weeks, feeling like my abilities will never measure up, and no one will ever be interested in cracking open my book, or even publishing it for that matter. I have often felt like I should probably just give up all together.  Each day that I have been struggling with these feelings, I have also been trying to combat them with my inner confidant rock star woman, reminding me that I can keep going and I can keep pushing those keys on the computer to make my story come to life.  You know what usually happens?  The inadequate side of me keeps winning. And I keep letting her.  I keep listening to her commentary and buying into it, because she is just so darn convincing.  She seems to know me so well and knows just what to say to stop me from trying.  
The fear of failure and fear of never measuring up to the ideal in my mind has stopped my progression so quickly, I can still hear the creative brakes squealing.  
What is a writer to do?  Why do we let our fears and inadequacies get in the way of our true potential?  Why do we decide that it is always someone else’s turn to be successful, or to reach their goals?
I was on lds.org yesterday, and noticed an article by Elder Uchdorf.  Having always found his talks so inspirational and faith building, I read his words.  (You can find the article here.)
It was just what I needed to hear.  Both personally, and spiritually.  He states:

“You don’t need an invitation before you start moving in the direction of your righteous goals. You don’t need to wait for permission to become the person you were designed to be.”

And:

“Sometimes the thing that holds us back is fear. We might be afraid that we won’t succeed, that we will succeed, that we might be embarrassed, that success might change us, or that it might change the people we love.

And so we wait. Or give up.”

I felt like he was describing me.  I have been letting my fears and inadequacies get in the way of my writing, letting them hold me back tightly by the wrists, telling me my contribution is stupid, un-intelligent, or not worth fighting for.  

The Lord wants us to grow, and reach our full potential.  Any doubting thoughts and perceived inadequacies are not from Him.  He would never tell us we aren’t creative enough, intelligent enough, wise enough, or all-around good enough to do the worthy goals we have set out to accomplish.  

More wise words by Elder Uchdorf state:

“Another thing we need to remember when it comes to setting goals is this: We almost certainly will fail—at least in the short term. But rather than be discouraged, we can be empowered because this understanding removes the pressure of being perfect right now. It acknowledges from the beginning that at one time or another, we may fall short.”

Realizing that failure is ok to go through is a tough thing for me.  I never want to look silly for trying and failing at something.  I am always so worried about what others will think or how I will think about myself that it brings me to the worst alternative:  Not trying at all. All the great and amazing things that have happened/will happen in this world are because someone had enough faith in themselves to keep trying.  Even when the self-doubt set in, and the task may have seemed overwhelming, people succeeded.  Because of this, we now have amazing accomplishments in so many aspects of our lives- books, art, advances in medicine, the list goes on and on.  

Let’s stop those mean, chatty, and negative inner-critics right in their abrupt, determined tracks.  I need to remember the wise words in this article:

“We can sometimes waste years of our lives waiting to be chosen (see D&C 121:34–36). But that is a false premise. You are already chosen!”