Remember?

by Budi Satria Kwan

By: Kristi Hartman

I have a folder in my Pinterest account called 'Great Inspiration' in which I pin any motivating quotes, pictures, or sayings. It is starting to get quite lengthy.  The other day I ran across this picture above as I was scanning through my Pins, doing a purge of things that I don't need anymore.  (Isn't it weird that now not only do I have to go through my home and purge my closets of all the un-used things and craft projects that never quite panned out, I now feel the need to do it with my Pinterest pages?)
  

Not only did this picture stand out to me because it is beautiful, but because the words ring so true to my life.  

All my life I have struggled with my self-confidence, feeling like my traits were never quite as good as the next person.  Never feeling like I had enough confidence to just be me, I often felt myself questioning the very core of who I was.  My confidence blowing whichever way the wind did- some days feeling happy with who I was, then other days I just wanted to hug my elbows, hunch over and become a totally different person.  I would think things to myself like: 

"Why can't I be more outgoing?"

"Why can't I laugh easily like this person?"

Then in my efforts to better the things I felt like I was missing in myself, I would then try hard to be what I liked in other people.  Inevitably, it would lead to more second-guessing, because it didn't feel authentic.

"Should I have laughed at that person's comment?"

"Did I say the wrong thing when I was trying to be outgoing?"

As you can guess, living my life this way was exhausting.  And draining.  And often times depressing.  I longed for the days of my little childhood when I would hide in the giant built-in cubby in my room (yea, I was a little quirky) and dream of all the things I would do someday.  It all felt possible because I felt good about myself.  I was who I was, and it was okay.  I wasn't until I got a little older that the second-guessing and self-confidence struggles settled in.

Why couldn't I just be happy with who I was?  Why did I try to be everything I felt the world liked? 
I watch my children now and am so pleased with the way they have turned out in their little lives, and am so happy they are unique and have their own personalities.  It would break my heart to find out one of my kids didn't like themselves and the traits that made them who they are, and was constantly wishing for something different.  
How is that any different than what my Heavenly Father feels when I question myself and wish I were different? He loves us for who we are, quirks, silly traits, bad habits and all.  He made each of us unique and special for a reason:  we are all given gifts and talents that are meant to be shared so we can bless the lives around us.  

If I am always trying to change who I am, I am not able to do what I am supposed to do.

Although I still struggle with this in my adulthood occasionally, time and experience have been kind in showing me that I am a good person, and I am not meant to be a copy of someone else. 



Do you struggle with being who you truly are?   How do you strive to be more authentic?