When I Realized I Was Doing Something I Never Thought I Would Do- And I Was Doing It to My Own Son

by Kasey Tross

source

My son is a creative type like me, and for a few years now, he's been saying he wants to be an artist when he grows up. He's also very mathematically minded, and he's good at figuring things out and making them work. So when he says he wants to be an artist, I say things like, "You know architects use a lot of art. You should think about going into architecture," or, "What about engineering? Engineers always have to visualize the outcome, just like in art."

But did I ever say, "Yeah, art! Follow your dreams son, be an ARTIST!"?

No. No, I did not.

Oddly enough, my response was given out of love. I love my son. I don't want to see him living in a 1-bedroom apartment with 3 other starving artists eating ketchup packets for breakfast and spending his weekends in a blood donation center selling his plasma to pay the rent. So I discounted his dream. And it never occurred to me that that made me a- I shudder at the word- naysayer.

Then I saw this:

An Artist's Before-And-After Drawings Show What Happens When You Actually Stick to Your Dreams

Lightbulb moment.

I was so moved by the article and the incredible artwork that I knew I wanted to share this inspiring story with my kids. And then I realized that if I did that, my son might realize that being an artist was actually an attainable thing and might want to do it more.

And I hesitated.

And then I smacked myself in the head and said, "Hello, SELF?! If your son WANTS to be an artist and it is his passion and his dream are you seriously going to sit there and try to convince him not to??! If you don't believe in him, how the heck is he ever supposed to believe in himSELF?!"

Then I got some ice for my sore head and called my son in to sit next to me on the couch. I said, "Sweetie, there's something I want you to see." I opened up the article and read it again with him, watching his face light up, hearing him gasp and say, "That's SO awesome!" as we scrolled through the incredible images.

When we were done, I looked at him and said, "Son, if you want to be an artist, then I want you to be an artist. But, as you can see, it requires work. But if you want it, I know you can do it, and I will be behind you one hundred percent."

I think he said something like, "Cool, Mom," and went off to do Legos or something, but it was definitely a wake-up call for me.

What if I was aching to be a writer but constantly had someone saying, "Well, yeah, but...secretaries write. Why don't you think about being a secretary?" or, "Advertisers use a lot of writing. You should think about getting into advertising." Well-meaning, caring people are not the same as people who believe in you and push you to follow your dreams.

I don't want to be well-meaning and caring. I want to be my kids' champion. I want to be their biggest fan. I want to root for them and cheer them on all the way and tell them they CAN.

And while I'm doing that for them...well, I think I might just do it for myself as well. After all, look what happens when you actually stick to your dreams...

Incredible artwork by Noah Bradley

The Thrill of Victory, the Agony of Defeat

by Mare Ball from ADVENTURES IN THE BALLPARK 

Women's Olympic ice skating finals were televised last night.  I have to say, I'm a lazy viewer when it comes to the winter Olympics.  The only thing I'm interested in is the ice skating.  I don't dismiss the work and talent of the speed skater and skiers, I just love the ice skating.  

I love the American ladies, of course, but I was rooting for the Italian, Carolina Kostner.  She was so lovely in the short program, and her outfit was swooshy and elegant.  I know they don't score costumes, but that's a factor in my mind.  I'm a romantic when it comes athletes swirling across the ice - the women should be sparkly and flowy and dewy. 

Carolina Kostner (http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=carolina+kostner.com)

Anyhoo... Kostner took the bronze, which is great.  ANY medal in the Olympics should be celebrated.  The athletes probably don't share that exact sentiment, but I'm proud of bronze, silver, and gold winners alike.  To even GET to the Olympics - that feat is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.  Gracie Gold, our best American hopeful, came in fourth.  I'm proud of her too.  They're all wonderful athletes.  It takes everything out of me just to get to the gym three times a week. 

I did catch the last ten minutes of the women's hockey final - U.S. vs. Canada.  The game went into overtime, and the Canadians won.  I don't begrudge them the gold, they played hard, but the faces of the U.S. players were heart-breaking.  The medal ceremony was long - they read the names of every player from all three medaling teams - and the cameras stayed with the U.S. team for much of the time.

These girls were crestfallen.  Their eyes were so sad, some were teary, although no one sobbed openly.  Every one of them was grieving.  I have never seen such bereft faces outside a funeral.  Once commenter remarked that hockey is the only winter event in which you have to lose to get the silver. 

Members of the US team after their loss
http://sports.yahoo.com/photos/tragic-faces-of-silver-women-s-u-s-hockey-1392931581

The Olympic games really do highlight the ups and downs of chasing a dream.  Gold medal winners are ecstatic; non-golders are crushed, at least temporarily. 

It's kind of like writing.  I've felt ecstatic and crushed more than once - often about the same piece of work.  I give my everything, sometimes for years, to something, and then...nobody wants it.  Back to the drawing board.  Or the computer.  Or the ice rink.  I think winning and losing must feel the same to every heart.

I felt a bit like a winner this week when Choose to Write was released and available for purchase.  When my copy arrived, and I saw my name in print, the very first story in the book...I was very humbled and grateful.  It so warms the heart to be recognized.  Thank you, MMW gals for giving me that opportunity.

I'm back to work this week on my book and my book proposal.  I hope there's another win around the corner, but I know I still have a lot of work to do.  It might be another four years before I see success (not unlike some of the 2014 Olympians.) 

The Olympic games are truly an inspiration for anyone who's working hard to fulfill a dream.  Be it on the world stage, or here in my little central Florida loft.  For every athlete who made it to Sochi, thank you.

I Believe Christ

by Katy White

My 14 month old was recently sick.  The kind of sick that has you thinking some pretty dark worst-case scenarios when you're a new mom.  I took her to the doctor on the first day of her sickness because she had such a high fever.  The doctor ran some tests, ruled some things out, and then said some other things, like pneumonia, were quite possible.  She gave me several "warning signs" to watch out for, and told me that I should go to Urgent Care if I saw any of these signs.  Of course, she also told me that most things were not emergencies.  So...um...

Mixed messages from doctors are fun.

That night, my daughter woke up after only a few hours of sleep.  She had a high fever, but she was also shivering and whimpering.  She also had some new symptoms that felt awfully like some of the warning signs the doctor had cautioned me to watch for.  But not exactly.  I had no idea what to do.  I picked her up and held her and prayed urgently to know how to help her.  I asked Heavenly Father a very specific question and asked him for a very specific answer:  if she coughed and the rattling throat cleared, I would know that she was fine.  As I thought those words, she coughed!  The rattling in her throat cleared instantly!  It was a sign from the Lord, and I felt so relieved.

Not ten seconds later, she vomited three times.

Oh. No.

All thoughts of the answer I'd just received fled my mind.  I called the on-call nurse and then a dear friend, who is also a nurse, and told them everything.  They both felt that she did not have the warning signs I feared and told me some specific things to watch out for.  I cleaned up my baby girl, gave her more medicine, and put her back to bed.  Then I prayed again to be able to believe the advice that I was given.  I felt peace quickly wash over me, and I felt myself calm down.

Within five minutes, she woke up screaming and crying.

The peace I'd just felt evaporated.  I jumped up, ran into her room, and picked her up, sure that this fear I was feeling was actually what Heavenly Father was trying to tell me this whole time.  I called my husband, who was in Florida for work and absolutely terrified to be getting a call in the middle of the night.  I told him everything.  He agreed with the nurse and our friend and our doctor and said that he thought I needed to allow myself to trust them, but if I couldn't, that he would of course support me in whatever I thought I should do.  (He also said sweet things about how our daughter has a wonderful mother and that he was so sorry he couldn't be there to hug me.  I missed him more than I ever have in my life.)  Most importantly, he told me to trust the Lord.

I realized then what my problem was.  My problem wasn't my sick baby girl.  My problem in that moment was that I didn't believe my Heavenly Father.  I could say that I simply didn't believe in my ability to interpret an answer from Him, but that's not quite true.

I'm really, really good at resigning myself to my trials in life.  Like most everyone, I have experienced a fair amount of trials, some sorer than others.  It has been easy for me to view this mortal existence as a time to experience trials and loss and pain.  I have long considered our reactions to these "accidents of mortality" as the true test of mortality.  Because of this perspective, I have found myself in many situations where my faith is tested, but not where I have tested my faith.

Yet Heavenly Father tells us to test him!  He says in Malachi 3:10 "...and prove me now herewith...if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."  And Enos 1:6 tells us, "And I...knew that God could not lie."

Okay, so God promises us blessings and cannot lie.  In other words, He asks us to hold Him to his promises.  So when He tells us, in John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid," it's up to us - to me - to believe Him.

So.  That's my goal.  I wish I could say I'm already there, but I'm not.  I believe in Christ, but now I need to believe Him.

And maybe that is the true test of mortality.

THE BIBLE Miniseries

Has anybody been watching The Bible series the past few weeks?

I got into it a bit late, but I kept hearing about it, so I finally tuned in.  I was immediately drawn in by the intensity of it.   It's brutal and powerful....and sad.  There are moments of beauty and uplift, but mostly, for me, the stories are agonizing.

Daniel in the lion's den, Herod's order to kill babies under two, John the Baptist beheaded, various crucifixions, wars, and invasions.  I keep shaking my head at the brutality of the human race.   Greed and lust and power drive everything.

It's crossed my mind several times, I'm so glad we don't throw people to the lions anymore, or thank God the days of crucifixion are over.   But, I remember that at one point in this country, slavery was accepted.  I watch the news and see horrific stories of school shootings and children sold into sex trafficking.  All I can think is, how God must grieve.  Methods of torture, abuse, and killing change over the centuries, but we're just as capable today of hatred and evil as we were in biblical times.

It would seem over the decades, we would learn how to get along.   Why don't we learn from one civilization/generation to the next?  We've certainly seen enough of the same atrocities repeated.  Our memory is clearly shallow.   And scripture tell us, the human heart is easily corrupted.

We are really fairly weak creatures, easily seduced by greed, lust, and power.   We also tend to live in the moment, which further fuels our fleshly tendencies.  On the face of it, it seems we're doomed.

Thank God for God.  In The Bible, He pursues His people and repeatedly proves He is trustworthy.

God still does that today.  His work hasn't changed since the beginning of time.  Poet Francis Thompson calls Him "the Hound of Heaven," because God's grace is relentless in trying to transform our hearts.  He pursues us always.

It is so reassuring to know this.  Otherwise, watching The Bible - and living - would be unbearable. 

p.s.  Are you watching The Bible?  What is your take on it?

Making Friends

"Make friends with the problems in your life."

This suggestion is from my current daily devotional, Jesus Calling.

I had to read it twice.  And then a third time.  My mind resists such a crazy idea.  In my flesh, I want to get past my problems, or have them vanish.  My first thought is never, Oh, good, another headache.  Come on in.

I kept reading, and of course the author's wisdom is revealed further down the page:  God uses everything for good.  I read that twice as well, as a reminder.  God uses everything for good. 

Even headaches.  Especially headaches.  Because, when we're having an issue, that's when we're most likely to turn to God.  When life is lovely and stress-free, we, well, I get complacent and forget God still runs the show.  I assume it's my stellar navigational skills that brought such peace to my life. 

Then, a headache barges in and disrupts my rhythm.  I groan and sigh, but eventually, I pray.  The headache - illness, tragedy, loss of any kind, or (UGH) a leaking bathtub - takes me back to the source of life, and I remember I'm not really in charge of diddly-do.

I know this, I do, but I get so weary of the work headaches bring.  They're rarely easy, or short-lived, or, in case of the leaking bathtub, cheap.  I don't know why this surprises me.  God never promised me easy, short-lived, or cheap.  He did promise to grow me up.  By its nature, the road to spiritual maturity is arduous, unrelenting, and costly.

I still choose it.  Even though I whine often.  Headaches do bring me to the throne, where God can pull me into His lap and assure me, "You're not alone.  Together, we can do this."

So, I will try to remember to view the struggles of this life as "friends."  Annoying friends, but friends who show me the truth.  I guess we can't have too many of those.

Saturday So What: Flight of the Bumblebee

Today's So What is brought to by this little guy.  And today I am going to endeavor to be a little more like him.

No, I'm not going to make honey, or sting someone (even though they totally deserve it).  Let me tell you a little something about my striped friend here. According to aerodynamics, this little guy shouldn't even be able to fly. His wings are just too small for the mass density ration of his body. So why do you think he can fly?

Because nobody's told him he can't.

This is the way I think we should be as people, but specifically I wanted to focus on being that way as authors. At the LDStorymakers conference recently, I met a ton of highly intelligent and talented authors.  We would chat at the dinner table and the topic would inevitably boil down to whether or not we had been published. I would whip out my spiffy little card that had my blogs and release dates for my two books. Then they would tell me this, "Well I really hope to be published one day." Some had been honing their craft for ten years. Some had been working on their manuscript for almost that long.

I was shocked! I read through a few of their manuscripts or queries. Some were really good. So why hadn't they been published? Most often, because someone along the way had told them that they can't. Or even worse, told them what they should.
You should have at least 15 drafts and rewrites before it is ready for public consumption.
You should never try to publish your first book.
You should spend at least a year polishing a manuscript before sending it off.
You should have exactly x amount of words in each chapter.

Rewind to back at the conference tables. The other person would ask me a few questions about my work, and after hearing their story I was almost embarrassed to admit that it took me 11 weeks from first word to submission. And that I had been a "writer" for all of 6 months now. Cue jaw dropping on the floor. How did I do it? How did I get published on the first try?

Because I had the good fortune to have no clue what I was doing. I had an idea, had a story, and a good friend that believed in me. I didn't know any other authors yet.  I didn't know it was supposed to be hard and be insomnia inducing. I just did it, because nobody told me I couldn't.

Now I know better. I have a huge list of things that every story should have and should do. I am positively agonizing over my current WIP wondering whether or not I am following all the rules.
I should only use this word x amount of times
I should tag my dialogue in a certain way
I should write it, then edit it, then edit it some more

So what's different? For the first two books, I wrote the book I wanted to write without any rules. The only rule was that it had to be something I would want to read. Now I'm so caught up in worrying about what everyone else wants it to be. I can hardly get two pages without being sure I am doing something wrong. Something against the rules.

After beating my head up against a wall for the last two weeks, I've decided that there are no rules. Just plain old good storytelling. That's why we do this right? To twist someone up and bring them into OUR world. Where WE make the rules. Think of some of your favorite books. Did they follow all the dos and dont's? (JK Rowling and Stephanie Meyer anyone?) But we fall in love with them anyway.

I challenge you to join me in making the bee your authory-type mascot. Whether you are writing your fifth manuscript or agonizing over your first, forget about all the aerodynamic reasons why you shouldn't be able to fly with it. And just... take off.


You can find me on my other two blogs Finished Being Fat, and Betsy Schow Writer/Mom/Weight Loss Survivor. Until next week, happy flying.

Believe in Yourself

(photo found on Bing)

Did you ever notice that getting to your destination is a whole lot longer than arriving back home? Whether its by plane, car or foot. Have you ever wondered why?

I thought about that as I walked over to a friend's house. It took longer arriving there than getting back home. How is that if its the same exact number of steps?

I believe it's all in in the mind. A person has a certain mindset of anticipation as s/he travels to the place. Anticipation is like suspense. Suspense makes things edgier and a bit harder to bear. We are yet empty, waiting to be filled.

Once we arrive, we can relax.

The journey home is shorter, I believe, because we are no longer hit with the feeling of expectation. We are filled with what we had set out to do. Yes, even if its from a dentists chair (Bleh!). Our minds no longer dwell on the suspense so the traveling time seems much shorter.

I'm wondering how I could apply this writing.

At first, it starts out as something whimsical. A word here. A word there. Then a poem, maybe? Or a short story? A book . . . Then sometime along the way, we decide to we want to be published. From the starting point, the pathway seems long and impossible. Even trying.

There are constant road blocks. Nay sayers. Rejections. Sharing with others. Critiques. Editing. Revamping. Learning curves. Applications. Finding a good critique group. Finding worthwhile writing friends. Being able to attend writing conferences. There is much more that should be added, but that would make this post way too long! ;)

I can see how writers become so very needy after all this!

I understand that some of the things I've mentioned wouldn't be considered road blocks, such as giving or receiving a critique. I feel it all depends on which stage of writing we're at.

I attribute our readiness to our thoughts. The mind is a powerful thing. We can make it happen or not. We can let others drag us down with their critiques or let it build us. We can say it's their loss when a certain agent rejects us. We can use our growing pains to reach out and help newer writers, even older ones who still face doubt.

I feel that now is the time for writers. Karen told me that when she started out, she hardly knew any writers. There are so many now. Have you noticed? I have!

I believe that the Lord is inspiring an army of us to take the lead and become what the world needs--published authors. Trust yourself in your abilities and believe that you are meant to write, no matter the nay sayers and rejections and discouragement.

What stage in writing are you at? How have you overcome some hurdles in your writing career?