Hats

- a post by Jeanna Mason Stay

I am a huge fan of hats. I’m positive that one of the great rewards of parenthood is that I finally have an excuse for my hat fetish: I simply call it the “dress-up box.”

But “hat” as a term for a “role” in life? This is where things get a little sticky for me.

Because it turns out that my favorite hats are not the ones I think I’m “supposed” to be wearing, the ones I watch other amazing women seem to wear perfectly. There is a young mother in my ward who is beautiful and creative, with neat Sunday hair and makeup and immense patience in her Primary calling. There is another whose gaggle of tiny children always appear well-dressed and polite, whose house is usually clean, who seems always chipper and optimistic. There are women who journal, play instruments, sing, and sew their own clothes. Women who love housework (!!!), who relish a good day digging in the garden.

I relish eating something that someone else dug from the garden and then cooked for me.

My favorite hats are quirky or silly. I don’t have practical hats, like a sunhat or a baseball cap. I have a Viking hat and a fake coonskin. So instead of sewing, I like watching spiders spin webs. Instead of canning, I make silly crafts with my children. I like to plan ridiculously themed parties (like “Come as your favorite fish!”). I love reading and writing. I don’t like to clean, and I certainly wouldn’t win any awards for patience. I have, therefore, tended to think that I am a slacker.

But something happened to me recently, and I started to think about the things that I do, rather than what I don’t. I stopped worrying that I would never be the “perfect” Mormon mommy and started trying to be happy that I’m a decent one. Instead of thinking I’d never catch up with these other awesome women, I discovered we aren’t running a race in the first place. We are building a kingdom—or better yet (to stick with just one metaphor), we’re making a really excellent dress-up box. Maybe instead of competing, we could be cooperating, all adding to the collection of unique and wonderful abilities and roles. Maybe the world needs women like me who have a random set of quirky hobbies, a strange sense of humor, and a tendency to see gospel metaphors everywhere (including in the toy box).

Even if we haven’t cleaned the toilet in . . . a while.

I have long measured myself by the standard that I thought was most important. But I think that I may have missed the point. I think maybe we need all the types, we need all the skills. Everyone has something to contribute.

I’m not a pioneer bonnet or a yarmulke or a standard yellow rain hat. I’m really more of an umbrella hat—and I think the world needs an umbrella hat.

Saturday So What: Compare and Contrast

Howdy to everyone in Bloggerville. My name is Betsy Schow. It's pronounced Betsy's Cow for all you folks dying to know. I will be your hostess for your Saturday blogging fix. I figure a little introduction is necessary before we get the the meat of the post.

I am still celebrating my 30th birthday for the next 10 years at least. I'm a stay at home, sometimes author, sometimes marathoner, all the time mother.  I lay claim to taking charge of two "spirited" little girls, one big kid hubby, a dog, a bunch of saltwater fish, and a hedgehog. I've only had to flush two from that list recently -- the rest are fine.

Recently, I went from a big fat quitter's anonymous lifetime member, to a self proclaimed finishing guru. Emphasis on the big fat. I learned a lot while losing 75 pounds and the weight of countless years of self loathing and doubt. Enough that I decided to write a book about the whole experience, which is where the sometimes author comes in. The title is still being bickered upon by my publisher, but I am sure you will hear more about the book before it's release in January 2013.

Now on to the good stuff. What the heck is a a Saturday So What? Well the Saturday is self explanatory, since it's my given day to blog. A So What can be several things. It can be a question So What about Marketing? It can be a declaration of intent and who gives a hoot, So What if I want to spend all day in my PJs. Most often it's what I've learned to say in the face of an obstacle before I figure out a way to move around it.

That would be today's topic. Saying So What after you've just compared yourself to everyone else in the room and found yourself lacking. We've all done it. Gone over to the neighbor's house to drop off a dinner, message, or kid, and then after seeing their spotless home, go back to ours and cry for an hour and curse our lack of housekeeping skills. "I'm not as good a cook as Donna" "My children are not as well behaved at Teri's" "I look like a beached whale next to her"

Don't worry, I'm not pointing any fingers. I too am guilty of the Compare and Contrast. Why do we do this to ourselves? I mean honestly, it's not as if we didn't have enough on our plates without adding our own self inflicted judgments. Here's how it boils down. Everyone is unique with their own sets of special talents and circumstances. Does that lady down the street have 2 little ones at home? Is she trying to write a novel and wrangle said small children into bed at a timely fashion. Chances are not. Even if there are some similarities, whomever you are trying to measure yourself against still does not live your life in all its glorious insanity.

Most likely playing the Compare and Contrast game does not inspire you to do better, it just beats you down even farther. Am I right? Because that's what happens to me, it all feels meaningless to attempt to clean my house because it will be a disaster again in 10 minutes. And it will never ever look like Sharon's

I plead and beg and implore each of you (including myself) to stop playing the game. I'm packing up my toys and going home. I refuse to be ashamed that I buy my bread at walmart instead of making it from scratch. Destroying my self worth over a loaf of bread sounds rather idiotic when you get right down to it.

So next time you say to yourself, "I'm not as good a writer/housekeeper/mother/christian/business woman/ fill in your own blank here"... just stop. Then say to yourself, "So What".  So What if my house is messier than yours, and there's playdoh all over the floor- the girls had a lot of fun and it made their day. It all vacuums up anyway .

See you next week for another Saturday So What. In the meantime you can visit me over at my blog Finished Being Fat for a continuation on the theme of the dangers of comparisons, even with yourself. "The Long Run: Compare and Contrast".