First, a disclaimer. I do NOT watch television to be instructed or even enlightened. I watch TV to be entertained. I don't even watch TV, actually, but TV shows on my computer.
But here's the thing: Heavenly Father will reach out to you in whatever way will work, especially when He has something important to share.
Lately, I've been struggling with writers' blues. Not the oh-I-got-a-bad-review or I-have-incurable-writer's-block type, but the I-can't-ever-be-good-enough-why-try-I-want-to-quit-writing variety. And it's been serious.
I've been here before, and I know it's my calling in this life--beyond family and children. I can't give up. No matter how many times I may want to. But it's just been really hard to dump this funk. Weeks. Months. I have some highs where I think I'm coming out of it, and then some crashing lows where I wonder if the writer in me is bi-polar. Or schizophrenic. Being a writer is HARD. We each have demons we face every day. And I hate to say it, but some days the demons win.
Back to television. I love the show, Castle, but this season has been really hard to watch. Lots of stupid misunderstandings, characters missing the hints, hurt feelings, and some lame storylines have made me wonder why I keep watching. And I've been pretty hard on the writers.
Then I watched the season finale. Blew. Me. Away.
As I lay in bed that night, I started thinking. (You know how it is, sometimes the only quiet time you get as a mom is when everyone else is asleep) It was like the whole season was a set up for the finale. The finale that rocked. The finale that brought everything together in a wonderful, exciting way and culminated in viewer success. Like the writers were just saying this whole season, "Wait for it. There's something better just around the corner."
And I thought, isn't that what God does for us? We're slogging through the mire in a difficult time, feeling down and thinking it's never going to get better. But He's up there saying, "Wait for it. There's something wonderful just around the corner."
I'm sharing this because I know I'm not the only one who feels down, or like a failure, or like I just can't ever be good enough. I can throw some cliches at you (we at MMW love cliches, after all ;)) like "Tough times don't last; tough people do" or "It's going to get better" but, honestly, deep down we all know that. What I do want to say is that you are NOT alone. And that I KNOW God has something really wonderful in store for you. So hang in there.
Showing posts with label not good enough. Show all posts
Showing posts with label not good enough. Show all posts
Friday, May 11, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Saturday So What: Compare and Contrast
Howdy to everyone in Bloggerville. My name is Betsy Schow. It's pronounced Betsy's Cow for all you folks dying to know. I will be your hostess for your Saturday blogging fix. I figure a little introduction is necessary before we get the the meat of the post.
I am still celebrating my 30th birthday for the next 10 years at least. I'm a stay at home, sometimes author, sometimes marathoner, all the time mother. I lay claim to taking charge of two "spirited" little girls, one big kid hubby, a dog, a bunch of saltwater fish, and a hedgehog. I've only had to flush two from that list recently -- the rest are fine.
Recently, I went from a big fat quitter's anonymous lifetime member, to a self proclaimed finishing guru. Emphasis on the big fat. I learned a lot while losing 75 pounds and the weight of countless years of self loathing and doubt. Enough that I decided to write a book about the whole experience, which is where the sometimes author comes in. The title is still being bickered upon by my publisher, but I am sure you will hear more about the book before it's release in January 2013.
Now on to the good stuff. What the heck is a a Saturday So What? Well the Saturday is self explanatory, since it's my given day to blog. A So What can be several things. It can be a question So What about Marketing? It can be a declaration of intent and who gives a hoot, So What if I want to spend all day in my PJs. Most often it's what I've learned to say in the face of an obstacle before I figure out a way to move around it.
That would be today's topic. Saying So What after you've just compared yourself to everyone else in the room and found yourself lacking. We've all done it. Gone over to the neighbor's house to drop off a dinner, message, or kid, and then after seeing their spotless home, go back to ours and cry for an hour and curse our lack of housekeeping skills. "I'm not as good a cook as Donna" "My children are not as well behaved at Teri's" "I look like a beached whale next to her"
Don't worry, I'm not pointing any fingers. I too am guilty of the Compare and Contrast. Why do we do this to ourselves? I mean honestly, it's not as if we didn't have enough on our plates without adding our own self inflicted judgments. Here's how it boils down. Everyone is unique with their own sets of special talents and circumstances. Does that lady down the street have 2 little ones at home? Is she trying to write a novel and wrangle said small children into bed at a timely fashion. Chances are not. Even if there are some similarities, whomever you are trying to measure yourself against still does not live your life in all its glorious insanity.
Most likely playing the Compare and Contrast game does not inspire you to do better, it just beats you down even farther. Am I right? Because that's what happens to me, it all feels meaningless to attempt to clean my house because it will be a disaster again in 10 minutes. And it will never ever look like Sharon's
I plead and beg and implore each of you (including myself) to stop playing the game. I'm packing up my toys and going home. I refuse to be ashamed that I buy my bread at walmart instead of making it from scratch. Destroying my self worth over a loaf of bread sounds rather idiotic when you get right down to it.
So next time you say to yourself, "I'm not as good a writer/housekeeper/mother/christian/business woman/ fill in your own blank here"... just stop. Then say to yourself, "So What". So What if my house is messier than yours, and there's playdoh all over the floor- the girls had a lot of fun and it made their day. It all vacuums up anyway .
See you next week for another Saturday So What. In the meantime you can visit me over at my blog Finished Being Fat for a continuation on the theme of the dangers of comparisons, even with yourself. "The Long Run: Compare and Contrast".
I am still celebrating my 30th birthday for the next 10 years at least. I'm a stay at home, sometimes author, sometimes marathoner, all the time mother. I lay claim to taking charge of two "spirited" little girls, one big kid hubby, a dog, a bunch of saltwater fish, and a hedgehog. I've only had to flush two from that list recently -- the rest are fine.
Recently, I went from a big fat quitter's anonymous lifetime member, to a self proclaimed finishing guru. Emphasis on the big fat. I learned a lot while losing 75 pounds and the weight of countless years of self loathing and doubt. Enough that I decided to write a book about the whole experience, which is where the sometimes author comes in. The title is still being bickered upon by my publisher, but I am sure you will hear more about the book before it's release in January 2013.
Now on to the good stuff. What the heck is a a Saturday So What? Well the Saturday is self explanatory, since it's my given day to blog. A So What can be several things. It can be a question So What about Marketing? It can be a declaration of intent and who gives a hoot, So What if I want to spend all day in my PJs. Most often it's what I've learned to say in the face of an obstacle before I figure out a way to move around it.
That would be today's topic. Saying So What after you've just compared yourself to everyone else in the room and found yourself lacking. We've all done it. Gone over to the neighbor's house to drop off a dinner, message, or kid, and then after seeing their spotless home, go back to ours and cry for an hour and curse our lack of housekeeping skills. "I'm not as good a cook as Donna" "My children are not as well behaved at Teri's" "I look like a beached whale next to her"Don't worry, I'm not pointing any fingers. I too am guilty of the Compare and Contrast. Why do we do this to ourselves? I mean honestly, it's not as if we didn't have enough on our plates without adding our own self inflicted judgments. Here's how it boils down. Everyone is unique with their own sets of special talents and circumstances. Does that lady down the street have 2 little ones at home? Is she trying to write a novel and wrangle said small children into bed at a timely fashion. Chances are not. Even if there are some similarities, whomever you are trying to measure yourself against still does not live your life in all its glorious insanity.
Most likely playing the Compare and Contrast game does not inspire you to do better, it just beats you down even farther. Am I right? Because that's what happens to me, it all feels meaningless to attempt to clean my house because it will be a disaster again in 10 minutes. And it will never ever look like Sharon's
I plead and beg and implore each of you (including myself) to stop playing the game. I'm packing up my toys and going home. I refuse to be ashamed that I buy my bread at walmart instead of making it from scratch. Destroying my self worth over a loaf of bread sounds rather idiotic when you get right down to it.So next time you say to yourself, "I'm not as good a writer/housekeeper/mother/christian/business woman/ fill in your own blank here"... just stop. Then say to yourself, "So What". So What if my house is messier than yours, and there's playdoh all over the floor- the girls had a lot of fun and it made their day. It all vacuums up anyway .
See you next week for another Saturday So What. In the meantime you can visit me over at my blog Finished Being Fat for a continuation on the theme of the dangers of comparisons, even with yourself. "The Long Run: Compare and Contrast".
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