Discouragement and Enlightenment: Teaching a Lesson I Needed More Than Most

By Jewel Leann Williams

I teach Relief Society. It is possibly one of the most treasured callings I have ever held as a member of the Church. Even years ago, when I was the counselor over the teachers, I assigned myself to be the substitute teacher whenever anyone was out for the day. I just LOVE teaching Relief Society. I think the reason why is because it not only “forces” me to delve into the topic and matter at hand, but I also have an extra measure of the Spirit to guide me and so I learn that much more. I read the lesson weeks in advance and ponder it for the month. Usually something happens in my life or in the world to give me perspectives on how best to teach the topic for the sisters I am privileged to teach.

Well, not this last lesson. I’d read it—and felt extremely guilty and terrible about myself.

I pondered it all month, as I tried desperately to live some of the principles taught.

I was a complete and utter failure at that, as well.

I read it again, and felt like the weight of the world was pressing down on my shoulders.

The topic:  The Sacred Callings of Fathers and Mothers (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Ezra Taft Benson)

I cried when I read it. Every time. It felt like I was being slapped in the face. Every time. It is really a beautiful lesson, but it wasn’t that kind of crying. It was the kind of crying that comes along with this (partial) text message I sent to my husband:       

           

     “I am ashamed of us.”

That’s what it boils down to. The lesson talks about all these wonderful things mothers and fathers are to their children. I looked at it and saw everything I was doing wrong. I won’t get into all the specifics, and CPS doesn’t need to be called, don’t worry, but I was just flooded with the thought:

           

     “You are not good enough.”

So, Sunday rolled around, and before I even got up, my heart was pounding in my throat and I was fighting back tears. I played a recording of “Love is Spoken Here,” and I couldn’t stop crying long enough to speak. The first sentence out of my mouth, in that squeaky croaky voice of someone trying not to cry, was something like, “I am having a very hard time teaching this lesson, because I am an absolute failure at just about everything this lesson teaches.”   Within the first 5 minutes I used my whole stash of Kleenex and moved on to a baby wipe from Abby’s diaper kit.

There were a lot of really good comments made and we had small group discussions about some points—I mean, my husband is the Sunday School president and taught me the cool “new” way to teach, so it wasn’t that I wasn’t confident in that part of the lesson. I just felt like a big, fat hypocrite.

The last comment of the lesson was given by the mother of my son’s best friend. She is “that” mom. The one whose house ALL of my boys want to go to all the time. They would never come home if I didn’t make them. Her kids are awesome, and she always has it together. Really. When we talk, she tells me how she doesn’t have it together, but when I compare us, she is doing all the things right that I’m doing wrong.

Her comment went something like this, and I’m totally paraphrasing:

            

    “The first thing you said in this lesson was how you are a failure as mother. You need to stop, because this is the devil telling you how you are not good enough. Heavenly Father does not want you to feel like that. All of us feel like we are not doing enough, like we’re not good enough, and that’s wrong. We need to build each other up and not let Satan tear us down by making us feel like we’re not enough. One of the things I love about you is how amazing of a mom you are. Of course there are things we can work on, but I’m here to tell you that you are good enough, and you are an amazing mother.”

Well, I had regained my composure before that (several times, as a matter of fact), but I lost it, again. Luckily it was the end, and I had someone read just one final thought from President Benson and then mercifully got to sit down.

I was drained. I get a little choke-y just thinking about it.

I learned something—it’s something I know, but I needed to relearn it, and learn it with respect to my own flaws and foibles.

It was that statement—“You need to stop, because it is the devil telling you that you’re not good enough.” 

Our Heavenly Father never tells us that we are not good enough. He may, through the Spirit, tell us that we are not doing enough, but He will never make statements about who we are unless it’s to tell us that we ARE His children, that we ARE divine, that we ARE the subjects of His work and His glory.

• The devil will tell us that we are failures. He wants us to stop trying, so he will overwhelm us with all the things we aren’t doing, and use it as evidence to prove to us that we have already failed. That discouragement, that heavy weight that he piles on top of us, keeps us from moving towards God. 

          That is how we know it is not from God—if it is not encouraging us to do good, it is not from  him, but from the devil.

• The devil will try to pull you AWAY from our Heavenly Father and the Atonement. Heavenly Father and our Savior will always draw you nearer.
• The devil is going to tell you “NOTHING” you do is right. The Holy Spirit will prick your heart to work on something. Then, when you’ve mastered that, there will be something else. Always onward and upward.
• The devil will point out how you have ruined everything. The Spirit whispers “I give unto men weakness… I will make weak things become strong unto them.”

I still see so, sooooooo much I need to do to be a better mother. The difference is, that I know I can do it. Every time I stumble, I get up, I repent, and I try again. This week was better because of it. I wasn’t perfect, but I continue to try, because I know I can improve.

For anyone out there who is feeling worthless, as a mother or otherwise, I offer this scripture, along with the echo of what my friend said to me in that Relief Society class. “You need to stop.” Here’s why:

 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me,then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Our Heavenly Father and Savior love you, and they will not abandon you. Satan is big fat stupid liar, and he will do everything he can to drag you away and make you build up a wall around yourself so the Savior can’t reach His hand in to pull you out. Kick Satan in the figurative teeth, and remember.

               

God loves you. You ARE His child. You ARE divine. Our Savior will do—no, HAS ALREADY DONE—what is necessary to make it possible for you to be all that you dream to be, and more than you can imagine.

                You are already ENOUGH. 

Atta Girl!

by Charla J Schneider

Twice a week I cycle with the most wonderful group of moms.  They are lovely, friendly, motivated and tough.  These mamas fly up and down the many hills within the river valley trail system here in Edmonton like it’s nothing.  There are three groups:  The fast group, the medium group and the slow group.  I’m in the slow group….and I don’t really think they are very slow at all.  I huff, I puff, I wheeze my way forward almost always the slowest of the slow.  Those ladies cheer me on and without offering to ease up they embolden me with “You got this Char”, “You’re doin’ great Char” – I don’t find these words of encouragement patronizing because I need every single bit of positive energy I can get during those hard 70 minute rides.   During the last ride we had just gotten started and I really needed some exercise because I felt like I was having a crazy week.  I once read that one of the worst jobs someone with ADD can have is a homemaker.  There are other bad jobs that us ADDers should stay away from but when I read that I felt…understood.   I felt that way because it is monumentally difficult for me to keep my home organized and to offer the structure and consistency I know my kids need.  Only a few days before this last ride of mine when my mother called and asked what I was doing  I replied that I was sitting in a chair with a blanket over my head.  Sometimes the full time task of pulling my home together really feels that overwhelming.    So I showed up for Thursday’s ride already feeling tired and pushed and we began to climb uphill.  There was an especially steep part which everyone behind me passed me on and I just got off my bike, out of breath and started walking my bike up the hill.  Feeling a little annoyed that everyone else was already at the top of the hill, waiting for me I continued forward and saw an older man, cane in hand, coming down the hill in front of me.  Having watched all the other ladies zip up before me he looked at me, smiled then said “Atta girl!  You can do it – you just gotta go a little slower that’s all.”  I smiled back at him and then turned my head as tears started streaming down my face and I felt what he said all the way down to my toes and back again because what he said seemed very relevant to my life in general.  River valley hills, life’s hills – they can be real scoundrels sometimes,  but I can do hills, I just gotta go a little slower that’s all.  

Writing and Re-writing

Here I am, scatterbrained about writing again.  (I initially posted this yesterday instead of my regular Friday.)

I thought by the time I wrote this post, I would have made some progress on my WIP.  (I wrote in my last post about not having worked on it lately.)  But, alas, no.

I did work on it, but I lost the new work to cyberspace.  For some unknown reason, a three-hour chunk of words disappeared this week.  Right after I crafted it.  I saved it and closed it, then went back in to add a last-minute thought.   And it wasn't there.

I looked everywhere I could think of.  I refreshed the page.  Nothing.  That block of material was gone.  It was midnight, so I thought maybe I was just brain-dead, and the recent work would appear the next day.

It did not.  Days later, I still can't find it.  I've moped and griped and prayed that God would make it appear, but so far...nothing.

Years ago, I lost seventeen pages of a novel I was working on.  Seventeen pages.  It made me sick.   Because I was younger and had the time, I sat down and re-wrote all of it in an afternoon.  I was obsessed about getting it all back. 

I'm not so obsessed this time.  I'm surely disappointed that my time and effort have been swallowed by an unidentifiable source, but it crossed my mind today that maybe that chunk of work wasn't that great.  Already, I'm thinking, when I re-write it, I'm going to make changes.  Maybe writing at midnight isn't the best idea.  Maybe scrolling through facebook the hour before writing isn't the best idea either.  I don't know.  I write in fits and starts between care taking and doctor appointments and endless errands and laundry.  I should be happy I get anything written at all.

And I am.  Most days nothing gets lost.  I have a computer that works well (I hope I didn't just jinx that.)  I have loved ones who support my love of writing.  I have eyes that pick up most typos and a good thesaurus.  I have fingers that work.

So, with a deep breath, I'll start over tomorrow.  I'll try to conjure up what I tapped out last week, only make it better.  I'll roar at the cyber monsters to not eat my stuff.  I'll write, whether it gets lost or not, published or not, whether it's good or not.

Because that's what writers do.

Saturday So What: Endorsements

Welcome to my nightmare of the week. Okay, more like my nightmare of the month that I have put off until this week. So What frightens me and sends me straight to bed at 8:00 pm rather than staying up and getting it done? Seeking endorsements for my book, Finished being Fat, that is due to go out to the printers in a few months.

So why have I put it off? Because I'm scared to death of asking someone to read my book and give a positive endorsement of it. What if they don't have a positive endorsement of it? What if they think it's the most poorly written book that should never have been published in the first place? *pant, pant*

It was one thing to send it out to agents and publishers, but now I'm sending it to other authors that I know and respect. I actually care what they think! What if they hate it? The thought makes me want to hurl as I type.

This trepidation has kept me from sending out the emails and ARC copies for weeks. A thought occurred to me two days ago. I'm worried that no one will endorse my book. Well, if I don't ask... no one will endorse my book.

So I put my big girl pants on and sent out some requests. We'll see what comes back. In the meantime, when you are asking for an endorsement, here are a few things to keep in mind.


1. If you have a connection, use it.
If you know the person you are asking on let's say an acquaintance level, remind them how you know them. Or that you know a friend who suggested they might be interested. A person will be much more willing to help out if they know who the heck you are.

2. What's in it for them
In your letter or email, make a brief and succinct case why it would benefit them to endorse your book. At the end of their quote will be a tagline, reciprocating one of their books or website. Or you could have a marketing link to their products on your website.

3. Make it easy
Make the process as easy as possible for them. Offer to write a few examples that they can choose from and add their tagline to. People are busy, and might not have time to deal with coming up with a good blurb. If it's in front of them, they might be more willing to help out. This really especially applies to non-author type people who might not know how to craft a good blurb.

4. Give them the book
Send either a hard ARC (advanced reader copy) or a digital ARC to them and thank them for their time. A lot of times an ARC isn't polished all the way yet and may include grammatical errors still. (guilty!) Just remind them that it still has to be edited by your publishing company. If you are self publishing, it should already be a pretty polished draft.

And lastly...
Remember the worst that can happen is they say no. It might have nothing to do with you. They might have a contract that doesn't allow them to endorse books by other publishers. They might be busy. They might be jerks. But you'll never know if you don't ask.

If you have credits in the field of fitness, weight loss, or body image- or have a PHd after your name...and would like to give me a blurb for either my website or the book, give me a buzz and we'll chat.

Otherwise see you next week. Visit me at the Finished being Fat blog and Heaven's to Betsy. I warn you, its a wee bit controversial this week.

What I learned Watching Castle

First, a disclaimer. I do NOT watch television to be instructed or even enlightened. I watch TV to be entertained. I don't even watch TV, actually, but TV shows on my computer.

But here's the thing: Heavenly Father will reach out to you in whatever way will work, especially when He has something important to share.

Lately, I've been struggling with writers' blues. Not the oh-I-got-a-bad-review or I-have-incurable-writer's-block type, but the I-can't-ever-be-good-enough-why-try-I-want-to-quit-writing variety. And it's been serious.

I've been here before, and I know it's my calling in this life--beyond family and children. I can't give up. No matter how many times I may want to. But it's just been really hard to dump this funk. Weeks. Months. I have some highs where I think I'm coming out of it, and then some crashing lows where I wonder if the writer in me is bi-polar. Or schizophrenic. Being a writer is HARD. We each have demons we face every day. And I hate to say it, but some days the demons win.

Back to television. I love the show, Castle, but this season has been really hard to watch. Lots of stupid misunderstandings, characters missing the hints, hurt feelings, and some lame storylines have made me wonder why I keep watching. And I've been pretty hard on the writers.

Then I watched the season finale. Blew. Me. Away.

As I lay in bed that night, I started thinking. (You know how it is, sometimes the only quiet time you get as a mom is when everyone else is asleep) It was like the whole season was a set up for the finale. The finale that rocked. The finale that brought everything together in a wonderful, exciting way and culminated in viewer success. Like the writers were just saying this whole season, "Wait for it. There's something better just around the corner."

And I thought, isn't that what God does for us? We're slogging through the mire in a difficult time, feeling down and thinking it's never going to get better. But He's up there saying, "Wait for it. There's something wonderful just around the corner."

I'm sharing this because I know I'm not the only one who feels down, or like a failure, or like I just can't ever be good enough. I can throw some cliches at you (we at MMW love cliches, after all ;)) like "Tough times don't last; tough people do" or "It's going to get better" but, honestly, deep down we all know that. What I do want to say is that you are NOT alone. And that I KNOW God has something really wonderful in store for you. So hang in there.