Accidental Blessings

Sometimes life intervenes, and the plans you had...well, they just don't matter anymore.

My plan to write a post for MMW this week changed when our daughter was in a car accident last week.  In another state.

I needed to write about it, but it took me a week to process it.  I posted that piece on my blog HERE, and I invite you to join me there to see how good God is even amidst damaging events.

I can only bow before Him and say, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Writing and Re-writing

Here I am, scatterbrained about writing again.  (I initially posted this yesterday instead of my regular Friday.)

I thought by the time I wrote this post, I would have made some progress on my WIP.  (I wrote in my last post about not having worked on it lately.)  But, alas, no.

I did work on it, but I lost the new work to cyberspace.  For some unknown reason, a three-hour chunk of words disappeared this week.  Right after I crafted it.  I saved it and closed it, then went back in to add a last-minute thought.   And it wasn't there.

I looked everywhere I could think of.  I refreshed the page.  Nothing.  That block of material was gone.  It was midnight, so I thought maybe I was just brain-dead, and the recent work would appear the next day.

It did not.  Days later, I still can't find it.  I've moped and griped and prayed that God would make it appear, but so far...nothing.

Years ago, I lost seventeen pages of a novel I was working on.  Seventeen pages.  It made me sick.   Because I was younger and had the time, I sat down and re-wrote all of it in an afternoon.  I was obsessed about getting it all back. 

I'm not so obsessed this time.  I'm surely disappointed that my time and effort have been swallowed by an unidentifiable source, but it crossed my mind today that maybe that chunk of work wasn't that great.  Already, I'm thinking, when I re-write it, I'm going to make changes.  Maybe writing at midnight isn't the best idea.  Maybe scrolling through facebook the hour before writing isn't the best idea either.  I don't know.  I write in fits and starts between care taking and doctor appointments and endless errands and laundry.  I should be happy I get anything written at all.

And I am.  Most days nothing gets lost.  I have a computer that works well (I hope I didn't just jinx that.)  I have loved ones who support my love of writing.  I have eyes that pick up most typos and a good thesaurus.  I have fingers that work.

So, with a deep breath, I'll start over tomorrow.  I'll try to conjure up what I tapped out last week, only make it better.  I'll roar at the cyber monsters to not eat my stuff.  I'll write, whether it gets lost or not, published or not, whether it's good or not.

Because that's what writers do.

Moments

My computer moves at a snail's pace. By the time the "New Post" page appears so I can start typing, I've forgotten what I was going to say.

Where was I?

I'm probably not alone in this, but I've found that the less writing I get done the more um, shall we say creative, my dreams get.

Like the hypnosis-zombie apocalypse dream.

Or the I'm-in-a-friend's-wedding-and-hate-my-dress dream.

I've been working a lot. Last week I clocked over 50 hours. This week wasn't as bad, but I still squeezed a double shift in on Tuesday. That's not my favorite thing by a long shot, but you do what you have to do, right?

My writing is suffering and it frustrates me. I had planned to write a book in September. Now I'm looking at the dwindling days left in the month and drastically reshaping my schedule. Right now I hate having an outside job. I hate anything that drags me away from my writing. And, most of all, I hate being so tired all the time that even when I am home I have no energy or my back hurts too much to sit in the chair.

And even those start to feel like excuses after a while. Even when the pain is so bad I can't even stand up straight.

Can I express how much I'm looking forward to General Conference? Probably not. I've missed a few Sundays of church because of work, and I really don't want to miss that weekend. I need the recharge. I need that overwhelming infusion of the spirit.

My husband just took a job that will mean a significant pay cut, even though it's closer to home and he'll be spending much less in gas commuting to and from work. So it really doesn't look like I'm going to be able to quit my job any time soon.

I keep telling myself that if writing is so important to me, I will FIND the time to get my projects done. I will MAKE the time.

Right now I'm just struggling to make time to get dressed and go to the grocery store before work. :/