1000 Miles of First Steps

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -- Lao Tzu

Even the simplest journey feels like a thousand miles because I keep having to take the first step over and over again. --Jewel Leann Williams (Not as profound a saying. More of a whine).

Seriously, folks. Every time I set any sort of goal, I go a little ways, and then fall off the wagon, so to speak (no, my goal isn't to stop drinking).  I have to keep starting over.

As a kid, I wanted to read the Book of Mormon straight through. I memorized "I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents..." pretty quickly with all of my false starts.

It's the same as an adult. It seems like it's the same with every goal. My family needs to eat healthier and exercise more. We need to not watch so much TV and go to bed earlier. So, for a few weeks, we eat healthy food, we go for walks every night, and we make a rule that we only want to watch TV or movies on Friday night. My husband and I both lose weight, we feel great, and we actually feel like we get enough sleep (almost. I do have a seminary kid, after all).

Then, the new series of Doctor Who kicks off (or Bones, or NCIS, or NCIS Hunky Guys with Dreamy Eyes  Los Angeles) and we can't resist. I lose my motivation on making a weekly research project out of trying to buy fresh fruits and veggies on our budget, and go back to casseroles. We stay up too late one night, so we're too tired for the nightly walk the next night, and the TV magically turns on, and boom! We're back in our rut.

I know I'm not the only person who has this happen.

Here's my (possibly temporary) triumph. I have been staying up really early in the morning to get things done. My son gets up at 4 am to get ready for seminary, and it's one of my jobs to make sure he actually GETS UP at 4. I had been going back to sleep, and then either waking up later if it was my day to carpool the kids from seminary to school, or just staying asleep.  So, I decided that I needed to just stay up, to steal some moments to do my scripture studying, morning prayers, and..... WRITING!! Oh, the rapture I felt at putting words on paper again was worth the agony of dragging my sore, tired, protesting body out of my bed.

Of course, this was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.... and then Thursday came along. I couldn't do it. I slept in. I slept in ALOT. I also felt like crap all day after I got up--not any less tired, and like a doofus for not keeping up with a goal, AGAIN.

But you know what, on Friday, I had the battle with myself that eventually I hope I won't have to have every single morning.  I told myself that even if I slept more, I would still be tired, but that I needed to have that time to be able to study the Lord's words, to have a conversation with him, and yes, to exercise my mind. I dragged myself out of bed--okay. I'll be honest. I went back to sleep. But Heavenly Father helped me out by sending a preschooler to climb in with me, which kept me awake long enough to decide to get up. So, up I got.

The false starts are okay. I'm not a failure because I keep having to begin again. Actually, I think that's kind of what life is about. Little by little we overcome things--but sometimes it takes so long to root those things out of our lives and replace them with better things, that we feel like we aren't progressing quickly enough. It's okay. That is what the Atonement is for--as long as we keep on starting over, we will overcome, with the Savior's help. Every time we start, we get that much closer.

As a writer, I have to forgive myself as well for all the false starts. My creative soul gets really, really angry with me for not working on the art of expression. But the same thing applies. My muse comes back whenever I ask. Every time I start working on something, I get that much closer to doing it the way I really need and want to.

It's the same for all of us. So I want to encourage you--whether it be in your writing, or just in life in general. Please don't stop starting over. Even if it's the ten millionth time and you know that you'll just fall again, just start. This may be the time that you learn what you need to and you're able to overcome and move onward and upward. Or, maybe it's not. But that means that you're one more false start closer to the time that you DO overcome.

We always say that it's more important that you get up and keep trying, than it is that you fell in the first place. It sounds trite, but it's true. Sometimes, it really is the journey. Sometimes it really is the climb that makes the difference.

Keep going! Step by step, first step by first step, you'll get where you need to go. I know you can do it!

The Intersection Between Failure and Time

By Lacey Gunter

Most of what I have been taught about overcoming the fear of failure has been somewhere along the lines of accepting and embracing failure as a necessary part of the process.  If you can train yourself to understand this and think this way, you are definitely going to feel more free to try out new and difficult things. But for some people failure is just too scary and this doesn't work.

So what if instead we did the opposite! This probably sounds like a bad idea, but just hear me out for a second and then decide whether it might work for you.

Merriam-Webster's online dictionary gives some of the following definitions for the world FAIL

: to not succeed 

: to end without success

: to not do 

Although it is not directly stated, all of these definitions have some dependence upon time, or at least the limiting of time. It is difficult to ever declare failure if there is not a stopping point in which to declare it.  Pondering this, I am led to believe that fear of failure must have a great deal to do with the way we see time. 

 So maybe instead of being compelled to embrace failure, we just pull the rug out from underneath it and take away the aspect of time. Instead of managing our fears, what we really need to manage is the way we see time. When you get to the road labeled Failure, look closely. It is not a T-section. It is an off ramp. Just keep going on the road you’re on. All you need is time.

Failure is Always an Option

I was reminded of a very important lesson this weekend.  It's something I think we all need to learn and be reminded of. 

Don't give up.

Sometimes we are going to hit bumps, we are going to struggle, we are going to get down on ourselves, and sometimes we are going to flat out fail.  And that's OK. 
Losing a battle is not the same as losing the war.  Keep trying, keep pushing forward.  You've never truly failed until you stop trying.  I don't want my kids, or anyone else, to think that it's OK to give up just because things get hard, but I also don't want them to think that winning is everything or that if you don't win you're worthless. 

I've spent this whole summer feeling like I'm last in the pack, desperately fighting to keep up.  There's been a lot going on and some weeks seem to go by in a blink leaving me feeling like I've accomplished nothing except to fall even further behind.  In this whirlwind my writing has taken a back seat.  Even for the blog I feel like I've been phoning it in.  I've been treading water, barely keeping my head from going under.  But you know what?  I'm not sunk, and I'm not going down. 
It is just fine to take a break and catch your breath.  It's even OK to drop a WIP, or whatever you might be doing or working on and put it to rest.  Maybe that project or attempt just wasn't meant to be.  Or perhaps it was only meant to teach you something.  Giving it up may be the only way to move on and try again.

A wise man once told me that education always has a price.  A lot of the time we pay with money or time.  Other times it's with our tears or pride.  Sometimes failing is the price we pay.  I think whatever currency we use to pay for our education we need to take what we learn and be grateful for it.  We can often learn more from our failures than we can from our successes. 

My husband was in his first bike race this weekend.  He has been riding for about a year and a half and loves to ride.  He goes out with a group at least three times during the week and then does a really long ride on Saturdays, usually around 80 or 100 miles.  This race he was in was different than the rides he normally does, and this being his first one, he wasn't sure what to expect.  It turns out the race was harder than he thought it was going to be and he wasn't as prepared as he would have liked.  He ended up pulling out of the race before it was over.  He was really disappointed in himself for not finishing, he felt like he had failed.  I chose to see it differently. I know, I know, that's easy for me to do since I wasn't the one in the race, but sometimes not being directly involved enables one to see the bigger picture (this is why I think it can be a good idea to share your struggles and challenges with a friend).  A year and a half ago when my husband had just started riding he could make it only a few miles.  But he kept at it, getting a little farther or a little faster each time.  He went from barely finishing his first Tour de Cure century ride to being the first to finish this year.  If he had given up after that first ride he never would have had the high and known the excitement of finishing first the next year.  The race this weekend was just another learning experience showing my husband the areas he needs to work on in order to obtain the next goal.  That's not a real failure.  He did his best and gave it his all.  As disappointed as he feels he knows he can't let it defeat him.  He knows that sometimes hitting the lows gives you a better perspective showing you how to succeed. 



No matter what is going on in your life, don't let it stop you, keep going.  Learn what you can and try again.

Never give up.

 

 

 

My husband after finishing first in this year's Tour de Cure

 

S is for Success

So What is Success? What does it look like? When do you know you have it?

These are all questions that I've struggled with (ok still struggling).
Whatever I did, someone was better. Half of my friends went to Ivy League schools and the other half skipped school and became actors, writers, etc. And who was I? A stay at home mom. Big freakin whoop.
I didn't have a big important 9-5 corporate job. Hilary Rosen would accuse me of "... never having worked a day" in my life.

Well this past year I've learned how to look at success a little differently. I even have a whole chapter about it in my book, Finished being Fat: An accidental adventure in losing weight and learning to finish. (coming out in January 2013, :) thank you for asking ) As darn near every woman can tell you, motherhood is the hardest and lowest salaried job on the planet. First you have to grow a human being, which is pretty impressive considering I can't even get my veggies to grow.  You are responsible to teach your kids right from wrong, clean up sick, feed them healthy stuff, feed them crap when they won't eat the healthy stuff, get them to school in semi clean clothes, make sure when they're teenagers that they keep going to school, and the list goes on and on. Motherhood is definitely not 9-5, it's 9-life.

I've decided that if my kids are still alive at the end of the day, I'm a success. It doesn't matter if they're the cutest dressed kids on the block, or the lead in the school play.  As long as they are growing and improving as little people, then I must be doing something right.

Now for the hard part, applying what I've learned to writing. At first, my only goal was to finish a book. Once I did that the next logical step was to get it published. Okay, did that. Now I'm told that if I want my book to be a "success" it's up to me to market the heck out of it. So I'm working my butt off, doing all the things my publisher has asked me to do: work on building an author's platform, blog, gather facebook friends, tweet stuff, get endorsements.

I've started having nightmares. I'm over analyzing everything I do. Do enough people "like" me? Do I have enough followers? How many people are reading my blogs? Once again, whatever I'm doing, it feels like it's not enough. I feel like a failure compared to everyone else.

Stop. Reboot. Go back to my original question. What is success? Is it being on the New York Times Best-sellers list? Is it have 5000 Facebook friends and hundreds of likes per post? Is it getting on a daytime talk show? If I did all these things then could I finally call myself a "success"?

Those things are all nice and fabulous, but I think success is something a little deeper. Just like in motherhood, I think success is changing one life for the better. Even if it's your own. If your story, whether it's fiction or non-fiction, has touched someone... congratulations- you are a successful writer. So What if you self publish, or have a small indie publisher. Doesn't matter.You have made a difference. Something you created has made the world a little brighter.

If that isn't success, I don't know what is.

Friday Again

Friday has always been my favorite day of the week, and I can't even tell you why it is now. Maybe it's because it means the week is finally OVER. It's been a crazy one filled with holiday shopping and surprising trips to the hair salon. If you want to know more about that one, you can read my POST on LDS Writers Blogck from yesterday. That was a hairy situation; bad pun intended.

Like everyone else, I wake up with goals. I'm going to write this morning. I'm going to pay bills and then write. I'm going to get that shopping done and then write. I'm going to go to the post office to mail all that stuff and then write. I see you've uncovered my theme.

Here's what I need to say: I'm going to WRITE and then do....

My characters talk to me all day, but I rarely take the time to work on the story. Yes, I know December is holiday hectic. And I did finish my Tyrant King edits in November. I have been writing/editing. Working. But, let's face facts. It's the 9th of December. I haven't written more than half a page on Consequences. I should be halfway DONE by now.

I think the reason for my sudden panic is that, in only a week, it will be the FRIDAY BEFORE WINTER BREAK, that dreaded day in the life of all writing moms which signifies 2 full weeks of no school. This means the kids are home. And it's cold, so they don't spend a lot of time outside. They are full of holiday spirits (read hyper here) and just can't wait for Christmas to come. No writing happens during this time. And it shouldn't. It's a time for family and each of us should be able to treat ourselves to holiday cheer.

But it means I only have a week to get any writing done to last me through the end of the year.

I have glorious plans. Sigh. My plans. I'm going to get everyone off to school/work and then write in the morning. No, I'll write at night when everyone has gone to bed. That never works. By the time I get them all in bed, I'm exhausted. Plus, there's that looming fact that I have to get up at 5:30am to get my son up for Seminary. 5am and I have never been friends. Ever. Besides, my husband is home by the time the kids go to bed every night, and he either wants the computer or to spend time with me.

He's a great guy. But I don't get any writing done when he's home, either. I love spending time with him. I don't want to take away from that. It is awesome that, after 16 yrs together, we still crave that one on one time. There's a lot of mental health related reasons why I've simply chosen to accept that part of my life. It's good.

Okay. I've spent a little bit of time here ranting about the reasons (read *excuses*) why I'm not writing as much as I want to be.

Now comes the part where I just buckled down and DO IT.

Rejected and Dejected

Please watch this:




Our biggest failure is giving up.