By Dani Dennis Oldroyd
Sometime in writing, or parenting or other aspects of my life things don’t work out as I expect them to. I am a planner and pretty organized. Early on in my marriage I learned that life isn’t perfect, I can’t plan everything. It was humbling. All I wanted to do when I grew up, was to be a mommy. I was married young at only nineteen and I never took college seriously, because I was going to be a mom. I struggled for over four years with infertility. Only six months into my marriage, my husband and I found out we may never be able to get pregnant. I found out I had endometriosis and it was very fast growing. We decided to just try on our own and see what happens. A year later I had another surgery and the doctor said that if I wanted to get pregnant before I had a hysterectomy I should probably start some fertility drugs to help me along. I was on medication, constantly going in for ultrasounds, getting shots and blood drawn. On top of that I had four more surgeries. It was not how I imagined becoming a mom would be like, but that is what I wanted. I wanted to be a mom. I dedicated my whole world to the process to have a baby. After three years of this I knew that it just wasn’t working.
I went to a Relief Society Meeting and someone in the Stake was talking to us about her journey to adopt from Romania. Those feelings were so strong inside of me. That was what we were supposed to do. I went home and told my husband. He thought it was just because I felt the spirit so strong from her testimony. He let me talk about it, but didn’t really take me seriously at first. Let me add that through those three and a half years my husband was very supportive with everything. He didn’t enjoy all that we had to do, but he supported it.
Somewhere along the line we were both full force toward the adoption process. Both of our families were so supportive and we were ready for what came. The process was long, and to be honest, grueling. It takes a lot out of you emotionally. I knew that it was the right thing for us. I could still be a mom, through someone else. I was a young women leader and I remember one of the other leaders was pregnant. She was towards the end and her baby was moving a lot. She looked at me and asked if I wanted to feel the baby. I put my hand on her belly and it was the most amazing thing. I held my tears in, but when I got home they just flowed. I knew that I was making the right decision, but it didn’t mean it wasn’t hard. We had so many friends who were even on their second pregnancies, and several of them even admitted that they were afraid to tell us. We were always excited and happy for friends and family, but we were still sad for us. When someone had a baby we would go visit them in the hospital and show our support, but I still cried when I was alone.
The long process of adoption was over, after just over six months of interviews, making binders with pictures, letters to the birth parents and home visits; we were approved for adoption at LDS Family Services. We got the call the Monday before Thanksgiving. Now we just had to wait. These were before Facebook and Twitter, we had an online profile, but they said the best way was word of mouth. Tell everyone. Most everyone who knew us, were aware of our situation. I thought we would wait a few months. My husband was just graduating from nursing school, we had a new house, and I wanted to get through the holidays with no pressure.
It’s funny once you think something like that, it never goes as planned. A few days after Thanksgiving we got a call. It wasn’t from the agency, but a friend. Someone she knew heard about us and wanted to talk to us. Right away we were excited, and ready. Unfortunately I called and called and this woman didn’t answer or call me back. I knew she was the one. I knew that she had my baby. I told myself that I would try one more time. I prayed the night before and asked Heavenly Father that I didn’t want to give up, but if that was my baby I needed some help. The next day after work I picked up the phone. After two weeks of calling her she answered. She immediately told me that I was the one; I was the mom of her baby girl. This was it, the feeling you get when you find out you were going to be a mom. We decided to tell my husband’s parents and my mom. We were all so excited, and didn’t have long to prepare. Two and a half weeks later on Christmas Eve we told my brothers and sister. On Christmas morning we told my husband’s brothers and sister. The next morning we left to go meet our baby. On December 28, 2005 at 12:06 PM I became a mommy.
It was everything I imagined, and was told, wonderful and hard. Almost three years later I gave birth to a little boy. Two years after he was born I gave birth to a little girl. I am a mom to three, it is still wonderful and hard, but the greatest blessings I could have ever imagined. I learned that in this life you have to have faith, work toward what you want, and know that it’s all in our Heavenly Father’s hands. I am still learning and sometimes I forget, but I remind myself that things work out as they are supposed to if we have faith. Is there anything in your life that didn’t go as planned, but turned out just the way it was meant to?