Guilt, Sanity and House Cleaning

By Lacey Gunter

I used to think the phrase, "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" was a tool OCD cleaners coined to guilt those of us who don't meet their standard of cleanliness into trying to clean more. Recently I have come to a different conclusion. Having a truly clean house seems like a Godly feat to me. I think it would take a near act of God to get and keep my house truly clean.  So perhaps what it means is that it takes near superhuman strength and endurance to keep everything clean.

Even as I try to lay this obvious imperfection before the Lord's feet, I can't seem to shake this deep-seated sense of guilt for not being capable of doing it. 

I am fully aware of the fact that if I spend every waking moment not demanded by my husband, kids or job, doing house cleaning, I will go insane. Yet, every time I take a moment for myself, to be creative or sit down to write or just to relax for a minute, there is this nagging voice in the back of my head saying "Don't you have laundry to do?  Your house is a pigsty.  You're shirking your responsibilities for playtime. Get to work!"

Feed me, Seymour!

I know all the arguments to use against this nagging voice, at least enough to get it to shut up for a moment.  But when someone other than family shows up at my doorstep and I have to invite them in to my chaos, all those arguments fall by the wayside and I am left terribly embarrassed.

It is so hard sometimes, trying to intersect principle with reality. Heaven help me, please! Or, at the very least, tell me the afterlife comes furnished with a large host of angelic maids.

Saturday So What: Mommy Writer's Guilt

I have an epic case of Mommy Writer's Guilt. I am neck deep in revisions and the changes that I thought would be easy, have ended up altering the entire structure of my book. Characters are falling by the wayside.  Lost and forgotten.  Including the two most important characters... my kids.

I have an almost 3 yr old and a 5 and half yr old. I'm worried that for the last week and the next one to come, they are orphans. My husband is going to school full time and in the middle of finals. When he's home, he's locked in his office.And I have spent at least 40 hours this week making the editorial revisions. Trying to meet my deadline in a week and a half.

If I don't lock myself away, then I am constantly distracted by the screaming and guts flying everywhere. Don't worry-- it was just the Teddy Bear's. He pulled through the reconstructive surgery. If I wait until they are asleep, I can only make it until 10 oclock before my brain turns to mush.

To make matters worse, next week I start school again too. For five hours a day, the little ones are going to be shipped off to grandma's, summer camp, or whoever else I can get to take them. I feel horrible. Up until this year, I have been a stay at home mom who's main task of the day was making sure the kids had bathtime.

 I am used to spending every waking moment with my kids. They still follow me to the bathroom. Now I'm seeing them less and less. Normally, I try not to let my WIP take time from my kids. I write during preschool or dance class. But schools out, and the deadline is looming.

Am I just making excuses by saying that it's only temporary? Just another week and then when I'm home.. I'm all theirs? Or am I horrible mommy neglecting my kids?

Do you struggle with writing and other pursuits getting in the way of family time? What do you do? Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated. Sorry that this isn't my normal upbeat kind of post, but I wanted to share what I was feeling.

Hopefully I can survive the next 8 days, but if not, you can read me post mortem :) This week's posts are De-Sensitivity Training for the Zombie Apocalypse and The Incredible Shrinking Catwoman.