Saturday, December 22, 2012
'Twas the Night Before Deadline
'Twas the night before deadline, when all thro' the house,
Not a creature was stirring, except for the mouse;
It clicked through the words and commas with care,
In hopes that an editor soon would be there;
The writer was passed out, never made it to bed,
Keyboard like a pillow squished under her head,
But mouse kept going, changing lowercase to caps,
Because there’s no missing deadlines, not even for naps.
When up on the desk there arose such a clatter,
That Mouse sprang from its pad to see what was the matter.
It jumped the keys, scurried over the flash,
Tore out the USB port and fell with a crash.
When, what to its optical eye should appear,
The Elf on the Shelf riding a toy rein-deer,
He jumped over the coke cans, so lively and quick,
Probably on a mission from that meddler, St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles, more reindeer did came,
Elf grabbed Mouse’s cord then call'd them name:
"Now! Crasher, now! Plotter, now! Pantser, and Nixon,
"On! Vomit, on! Stupid, on! Blunder and Fixem;
"To the top of the doorway! to the north of the wall!
"Now dash away with Logitech, dash away all!"
Printer paper swirled like wild hurricanes fly,
They plowed through the mess, trying to mount to the sky;
So up to the house-top the toy reindeer flew,
Elf was going to Santa, and he was taking Mouse too:
Mouse’s cord trailed behind, snaking the roof
Getting stepped on and kicked by each little hoof.
It snagged on the chimney as the deer flew around,
Twisting and knotting til all the toys were bound:
Elf was pissed, he stamped his wee foot,
Now his clothes were all tarnish'd with ashes and soot;
Santa was waiting, he had to get back,
But there was no more juice in Rudolph’s battery pack:
Though Mouse could help, if it was feeling merry,
It could lead the way, its laser red like a cherry;
Mouse politely declined, thinking, “Heck no.”
There were revisions to finish, it just couldn’t go;
But then it remembered an old Christmas wreath,
In the attic by the window, it was hiding underneath.
A singing cat wreath with a white fuzzy belly
Its batteries still good, tho’ the fake fur was smelly:
Mouse pulled out the AAAs, lassoing them to Elf,
He laugh'd when he saw them, in spite of himself;
They hurried to the toy room, next to Rudolph’s head
After the batteries were in, the deer was no longer dead.
Mouse spoke not a word, but went straight back work,
Elf didn’t say thank you; ungrateful little jerk,
A few hours later, Writer felt a tickle by her nose
With a yawn and a stretch, she reluctantly rose.
Springing to her laptop, the edits were done!
No idea who did it, but she owed them a ton.
She couldn’t hear mouse exclaim, as she rushed out of sight-
Happy Deadlines to all, and to all a good night.