5 Minutes Inside a Mom’s Head in the Grocery Store

Inspired by this article: 5 Minutes Inside a Mom’s Head

What's next? Cereal, here it is. Wait, that box over there costs less. But is it the same amount of cereal or is there less in it? Hang on, mental math…3 divided by 2 is…

"Stop hitting your sister!"

Where was I? 3 divided by 2…okay, I think it's cheaper. But he might not like this kind…last time I got a different kind he didn't eat them and it ended up going stale before we could use it up...Well, part of that was because it got shoved in the back of the pantry. Ugh, the pantry is such a mess. Look at all this food in my cart, how am I going to get it all in there? I'll have to clean it out. Like I'll have energy for that after all this shopping.

"Seriously, if you two don't knock it off we're leaving right now!"

Who am I kidding? We won't leave right now. Look at all this stuff in my cart!

I should just skip the cereal. Shouldn't we be eating more fresh fruits and veggies anyway? Wait- I don't even want to think about what the veggie drawer in the fridge looks like. It's like a science experiment in there. Even the mold has gone bad and is growing its own mold. Maybe I should actually go put these cucumbers back…but I already went through the produce section. And it's so far away. And they actually like cucumbers. When I remember they're in the fridge.

Wasn’t I going to grow cucumbers in the garden this year? Whatever happened to that plan?

Oh, right. Weeding. I hate weeding.

What's next on my list? Dangit, I forgot the eggs. Do I have enough eggs at home to get through the week? I never know, because when I don't get enough eggs then everybody wants them, and when I do get a ton, nobody eats them.

"No, we're not getting that. Because it's not on our list. Put it back. Put it back NOW. Do I need to count to 3?"

Wait, which meals did I need cheese for? Didn't I need mozzarella for something? All I got was cheddar…well, maybe I could just use cheddar in the recipe instead. Cheese is cheese, right? But mozzarella has that whole melty, stringy thing going on…

Heck, I'll just go back to the dairy section and get more eggs AND the mozzarella. You can never have too much cheese. If worse comes to worst I can make omelets for dinner one night. Omelets are healthy, right? Kind of?

Ooh, cookies. I could totally go for a cookie right now. But they're four bucks a box. It's much cheaper if I just make my own cookies.

Like I'll get around to that.

$4 a box? Is an hour and a half of slaving in front of an oven and another half hour of cleanup worth $4? Heck yes, it is. More, even. Okay, cookies in the cart. Kids deserve a treat too. Maybe I can even use the cookies to bribe them to clean their rooms….

"Get your hands out from under there! They'll get caught in the wheels!!"

What was I supposed to be going to get?

Man, I'm tired. I need a checkout line. That one's short- oh wait, that's the cashier who talks too much and takes forever to bag everything. He creeps me out. I’ll just scoot over here…no way, that lady's cart is packed. Moving on…two people in this line, but they only have about 20 things between them.

Man, I have a lot of stuff. I wonder how much this is all going to cost? I forgot to check the bank account this morning. But there should be enough in there. As long as it's not more than $200. Or maybe $150. Wait, did that check for her gymnastics classes clear yet? Shoot, I don’t know...

I should use coupons more often. Look at that lady over there- she has all those coupons. I'll be she's getting that whole cartload of groceries for ten bucks. But who has time for all that cutting? I should really make time. For couponing AND weeding. And checking the bank account. 

But I really don’t want to see the bank account. 

I should put the cookies back. I don't need the cookies.

But don't I deserve the cookies? I mean, I planned a whole week's worth of meals, wrote up a list, drove to the store, spent an hour walking around getting everything, will spend another hour loading it into the car, driving home, unloading it and taking it into the house and then putting it away…

"I TOLD you that was going to happen if you kept putting your hands down by the wheels!"

I'm getting the cookies.