Saturday, January 24, 2015

The Parent Compensation Fund

By  Lacey Gunter

1. a father or mother

2. a gym mat

Does your house ever feel this way?

I adore my kids and I love playing with them. It is great to just giggle and laugh and romp around and use your imagination with them.  But in all my preparations for being a parent, I don't remember much mention of on the job hazards beyond giving birth.  I mean there were the obvious discussions of the physical trials of lack of sleep and sanity in the early infant months and the emotional trials of parenting toddlers and teenagers. Maybe even a few jokes about risking death when teaching a teenager to drive. But I never once remember people mentioning how often they get jumped on, head butted, elbowed, poked in the eye, stepped on, whacked in the face or pinched.  I never remember seeing this in the job description.

It started really early with my kids. I remember when one of my children was about 6 months old and he discovered he could pop his head forward and collide it with mine. It didn't seem to cause much pain on his part, but the squealing and animated faces on my part made it seem like a funny kind of peek-a-boo to him.   The little guy had no idea he was actually hurting me, he just thought it was fun.  But it got to a point where I either had to hold him way out in front of me or facing away from me if I wanted to avoid a good conk on the head or a bruised cheek.

My kids are very kind and loving children. They just love to jump on my husband and me or randomly throw objects into the air or whip things around while sitting in our laps.

We spend so much time money and effort trying to help our kiddos avoid hazardous situations and like, no time at all helping parents learn how to avoid black eyes or the random kick to the stomach. Parenting is like a full contact sport. Sometimes I wish I had my own helmet and full body protective gear. If anyone knows of a great passive self-defense class, pass on the info. I'll be there with bells on. In the meantime, I say we start a Parent Compensation Fund. Are you with me?


  1. I am SO with you. Just tonight I was sitting on our raised hearth while we had company and my 5-year-old brought me a book and sat on my lap (she is very heavy for a 5yo) and then my toddler tried to climb on at the same time and I said, “Guys, you can’t both be on my lap at the same time!” But my 5yo pressed herself up against me and my toddler got on my knees and then I was like, “Okay. Okay, apparently you both CAN be on my lap at the same time.” Of course, having that much weight on my lap (and the accompanying wiggling, elbows, heads, etc.) was not exactly the most comfortable I’ve ever been.

    With my 5yo it started in utero- she has always been very strong, and I actually asked the doctor if it was possible for a child to have seizures in the womb. He told me it was all normal. I would tell people that I was excited to give birth so I could finally hold her, but even more excited to give birth so that somebody ELSE could finally hold her! When she was born and others did finally get to hold her, they would all say, “Man, she is strong!” I was like, “Yeah. Yeah, I know.” :-)

    One last rant- flip-flops. I cannot wear flip-flops in the summer because my toes will get stepped on at least twelve times a day. It’s just too dangerous to leave my toes unprotected. They should give every mom a pair of steel-toed boots.

  2. I hear you about the flip-flops. My toes take a beating in the summer.

  3. This could have been written by my daughter Kathy-Lee I hear this from her many times and so I so get where you are coming from



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