In the last week, I've read three different posts about the "Mommy Wars" (and that's only because I generally avoid reading posts about them. I'm sure I could have read three hundred, if I'd wanted to). Although I loved two of them (this post and this video), to be frank, I'm sick of the topic. Beyond sick of it. So, this will constitute my one and only rant on the subject.
Here's the thing: unless you're doing something neglectful, dangerous, or creating a bully-mentality in your child, I don't care what you do. Sure, I may think some things are weird or silly and I may see you do things that would never in a million years work for me or my child, but isn't that the point? You're raising your children! You're doing what works for you! And I'm doing the same. For you breastfeeders? I don't care. For you who use Enfamil instead of Costco formula? So what? For you who believe that having a messy house means you're a more attentive parent? That's not my style, but the fact that it's yours sure doesn't concern me. Co-sleepers? Cry-it-out? Organic-reusable-diapers-made-of-unicorn hair?
Literally every one of my siblings/best friends and I disagree about something when it comes to parenting. It could be about the most effective manner of teaching consequences, about sleep-training, or about whether or not serving pees is child abuse. Does it make me think they're lesser parents? Not a bit. Even when we disagree.
And if others think I'm a lesser parent for *gasp* formula-feeding or thinking sharing is a con or putting my child in time-out in public or a million other things that I do differently than they do, well, I don't care. I'm confident in my parenting decisions, even when I have no clue how to respond to something. And you should be, too. Because the one thing I'm certain we all have in common is that we're all doing our best, both for our families and ourselves.
We're making our decisions out of love, (or at least we should be; if you're not, then I take back everything...). We all share a desire to make our children the happiest, strongest, best-adjusted, funniest, kindest, silliest, most hard-working, persistent, spectacular children in the world. And the only way we can do that is by being (the best version of) ourselves.
This world needs diversity, not sameness. A quest for sameness isn't just boring, it's dangerous (see Hitler). So even if I let my kid watch Peppa Pig and you let your kid watch Caillou (or don't have believe in TV at all), let's just agree that we both love our kids, move on, and go have a playdate at the Children's Museum. Cool?
Cool.
(That said, Caillou is lame and I think you're making a huge mistake.)
Readers, what do you think about the Mommy Wars? How do you handle parenting disagreements?
Thank you for this! I agree wholeheartedly!
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, though, I think one of the reasons there are “Mommy Wars” is because we all have such a strong protective instinct, and we want to protect all children, not just our own. So the second we have a doubt about someone’s parenting we go into Momma Bear Mode and it turns into this big thing.
I know of a person who gets very up in arms about the way other people raise their children and I’m always having to remind them, “They’re not your kids! They’re allowed to raise them the way they want! And standing around griping about them isn’t helping anyone!” I think it’s especially hard when it’s people within your own family because you can feel extra protective about grandchildren, nieces, and nephews.
But as I said, I agree wholeheartedly with you. Let them parent how, where, or what they may. ;-)
I am with you.................just saying
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Women should be supporting each other, instead of fighting about their choices.
ReplyDeleteI think of "agree to disagree." It really is such a personal thing to parent and we all just keep trying to do what works for our families. Good article.
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