Friday, March 28, 2014

Always a Bridesmaid...

 You've probably heard the saying, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride." Well today I'm changing that saying to, "Always a writer, never an author." Sometimes this describes how I feel about myself. Not always mind you, not even most of the time, just in those moments when I feel low and frustrated. And even when I do have those thoughts I usually don't allow myself to dwell on them, but today I did dwell on that thought and I'm glad I did, because it turns out just being a writer is pretty cool. But first let me walk you through my thought process (hang on this could be a bumpy ride.)
To go along with the analogy, the bridesmaid watches her friends announce their engagement and then stays by their sides and helps make sure their day is wonderful and fantastic. Over the past six years, I've watched many of my friends announce their success in finding an agent, or editor then get publishing contracts. I have stood on the sidelines cheering them and am honestly ecstatic and deliriously happy for them. I share links to their books on Facebook, and review their books online and I love every minute of it! But there's a voice in the back of my mind that says, when's it going to be my turn? I know it's a very selfish thought, but it was there for a long time. I had to be honest with myself and realize that I haven't really put myself out there to be snatched up mostly because I'm picky. Oh I wasn't picky about my writing in the beginning and got a lot of rejections. I went through the jaded phase, where I just didn't want to go through the agony of rejection again, so I stopped trying. Then it became about polishing my writing until I was happy with it, but I still didn't let many people read what I'd written.
 I just started editing my romance book this past week and I'm finally happy with my writing and for the first time in a long time, I'm ready to put myself out there again. I'm ready to query and submit and accept whatever comes. Because the thing I'm realizing is that being a writer is pretty darn wonderful. I get to be friends with amazing authors, I get to grow and learn in my writing, and I get to make up wild and crazy stories and not get in trouble for lying!! I've also learned to appreciate the time I've had to grow in my craft. I feel at peace with who I am and with my writing and I know that the right publishing opportunity will come in the Lord's time and I'm ok with that.
So to go back to the analogy, this bridesmaid isn't bitter she's not a bride, in fact, she's ready to catch the bouquet and see what happens. Life's too short to dwell on what I'm not. I'd much rather dwell on what I am, A WRITER and proud of it!


  1. Second attempt to post...let's hope it takes! Nikki, you ARE a writer! And equally powerful, you're an influence on many of us who also aspire to be published. You're a great support, critiquer, and writer, no matter what else happens. But that "else" will come in time, too, I'm sure. :) Thanks for all you do for me and the writing community!

  2. Well Nikki, I have to say that you "do" bridesmaid beautifully! I am certain that you will be a "bride" someday, but it's nice to see that you are enjoying the journey and not letting frustration stifle your obvious talent. When it is your turn at the altar, the rest of us bridesmaids will be at your side celebrating your success right along with you!

  3. Well, eventually, the bridesmaid DOES tend to get bitter, especially if some of the friends getting married are uglier and meaner than she is and still snatching up contracts I mean husbands... It is a question of perspective, of friendship, and of Christ-like love.
    Analogies aside, I know that it can be frustrating to be passed over for whatever reason, and yes, I do sometimes read things from published authors that make me think, "REALLY? Agent X picked you and not me? You can't even construct a proper sentence!" But at the same time, I realize that THAT thinking is WRONG, and that I'm becoming bitter bitter bitter. So I have to change my attitude and take joy in the journey--that's what you're talking about, enjoying being a WRITER. Great post, Nikki!

  4. Good for you! It's so easy to compare ourselves to others' success. I do it too: when will it be my turn???!? God keeps reminding me to just do my best...outcomes are in HIS hands, not mine.



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