If you've picked up on any underlying current in my most recent internet activity, it would likely be something akin to apathy. Or disinterest. Or something equally negative.
The truth is, I've been going through some stuff that I am just now beginning to get over. Or, at least, I'm starting to see the light from the other end of this tunnel.
And I'm pretty sure it's not a train.
Most (righteously living) people are aware enough to recognize that when they are on the right track, the correct path, making good choices, etc--is when the adversary starts up the pitching machine and lobs curve ball after curve ball right at your head. And because I'm human, I can only take so many hits before it starts dragging me down.
So here's where I spill it all out.
Back in March I went to my dr for routine testing. And learned something was not quite right with the results. But I lost my insurance at the same time and didn't have the money to go back and find out what it was. Also, if it was something serious I would have no way/help to pay for treatment. So I waited. I got my part time job at DG which came with health benefits and got around to retesting at the dr in September. With the same results.
So I went to see a specialist. Now, the results themselves don't mean anything. In all that's medicine--these results could mean any one of 200 things and only one or two of those possibilities are life-altering. Rationally speaking, there wasn't anything to worry about. Uh huh.
In the mean time, I've been promoted twice at work and have had to devote more time to the store and less time to my family and my writing. And it totally stinks. I've also had a very dear woman in my life have to have radiation treatments for breast cancer--and my heart has been hanging out with her and her family, along with a fair portion of my brain.
So, to add it all up, I've felt like a bad mom for missing so much of what's going on in my kids' lives, I've had the added stress of health concerns and worries for my friend, I've been working my tail off (I wish) and then having no energy to write. And Wed night I had a new health issue crop up that is literally a pain in my behind. Ugh. And most writers out there know how grumpy we tend to get when we're not writing regularly.
The specialist called today with my test results. And suddenly the sun was a little brighter and the birds were singing in the trees. I'm going to be okay. There's nothing to worry about. We're going to follow up with further testing at 6 months and 1 yr to be certain, but I'm in the clear.
Now I'm going to step through the other side of the tunnel and into the light that my life can be.