(This is a post I've written for my blog. I told a good friend about it and she recommended that I post this on MMWs because there are many of us moms who are feeling this way, too, so here it goes!)Lately, a priority shift has thrown me.
I have a good friend who is a wonderful mom. I've seen her in action. She has more than six kids and is a wonderful writer. She can edit during the day and free write when they all in bed at night.
I really admire and look up to her. Because I do, I thought to try her method. Sadly enough, I crashed and burned. I am not her. I can't be her. I am me.
There are things I've noticed slipping as I did those things (editing during the day rather than night...) I know I can still stop what I am doing and attend to the needs of my kids as they need me, but I really expect more from . . . me.
Yes, I am there for them. I talk to them about any pressures. I make sure I lead by example. Not do as I say and not as I do type thing. I teach them spiritual things. Temporal things. All things. We have scripture study every morning, family home evening, prayer . . .
But I have fallen short. I am not there for their interests.
My son is recent WeBeLos. But I haven't cracked open the book to read and help him with his goals like I used to. My daughter is very needy. She loves to read with me. She loves it when I make up stories about her and Prince Spicy. My other daughter needs me with her Personal Progress. And maybe just to hang out with her and read while she reads. My little boy needs me to be insistent when it comes to learning speech words for preschool.
It's the little things, you know? Those are the most important things. And I've been failing them. All because I've decided to emulate that good friend. I am not her. I am me. I need to press the reset button and start all over again.
I need to give myself permission to know that it's okay to be me.
Life is too sacred. Too precious. Too fleeting to let Goliaths take
control of ourselves. I need to remember that all the time so that I won't forget.
How do you do it? How do you meet your family's needs without leaving out the little things?
Thanks for the post!
ReplyDeleteThis is a constant reminding and balancing act for me. It is so easy to get lost in my writing that I forget I have a family.
But those little moments generally have the most impact in our lives, especially when collected through the years. I want to be a present mom, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, everything. Not just the maid and cook.
I just had an epiphany: Maybe its when I'm only doing the work of hired help and neglecting the personal touches that I am treated with less respect and appreciation. I'll have to pay more attention to that. I guess you really do get out of your family what you give.
Hello Lisa! Wow, I love your epiphany...that's really something to meditate over--so true, too. Thank you for sharing that with us! :D
ReplyDeleteThis is definately something we all struggle with as parents. I go in cycles when it comes to my writing. There are moments when I'm all incompassed by writing (unfortunately not as often as I'd like) and during those moments, things fall to the side. But I noticed something interesting about my kids when that happens. They feed off of my excitement for writing. They feel my vibes and they encourage me, laugh at me (especially when I'm talking to myself on the treadmill), and feel the same highs I do when they read my stories.
ReplyDeleteI can easily berate myself for the late dinners, the dirty house, or the hours I don't help with their homework. But I've learned that in those moments that I am all consumed with writing I'm teaching them something valuable. How to dream, how to work, and how to enjoy life. These are really the lessons I want my children to learn. So the answer for me was to involve them in my dream. Make it their dream too. Only with them cheering me on, could I really succeed.
Wise words, Elizabeth! We all have to find what works for us. Meet each moment with an open heart. Listen for the Spirit as you sit down to the keyboard - is it time to write now or not? I wish I'd learned it many years ago, but there's no need to be in an all-fired hurry about this writing business. Slow, gentle craftsmanship, the distilling of genius over the course of many years. You don't need to be a book mill, churning out manuscripts. You are doing great things!
ReplyDeleteMost of the time, it just means that I have to stop comparing myself. I also make sure that my writing gets done outside the window of my kids being home. I'm lucky that my kids are in school and my hubby's willing to let me stay up late to work on what I need to. =]
ReplyDeleteYou're a wonderful mommy, Lizzie. I see it and know it.