Hopes and Fears: Both Sides of the Coin

I hope. I fear.

I hope one day to be published. To have people read my stories and be as excited and into my characters and imaginary world as I am. To have that validation from outside sources (besides my mom) that think I'm good at something noteworthy.

I fear being published. To have people read my stories and tell me I can't write, my characters are flat, my imaginary world is gray and dull. To have that validation from outside sources that think I have wasted my time--and theirs--with meaningless drivel not worthy of the paper (or kindle space) it's written on.

This is my coin, flipping constantly in my head. On the days it lands hope side up, I write. On fear days, I don't. And sometimes I let it lay fear side up for weeks. Months. Even years.

Then something happens: I read a book that inspires awe and a desire to emulate, in some small way, its greatness. Or I read a book that is so...well, flat, gray, and dull, I think, "I can do better than this meaningless drivel!" And I grab a notebook and start expanding on an idea that has percolated in the back of my brain for too long, diving back into the world of "pure imagination".

I hope. I fear.