Ooh! The painful cut! Yikes! I hate cuts. Just saying the word makes me cringe in terror and flee. Okay, so it doesn't, but it should! LOL!Well, here we are. We've just finished our MS masterpiece and now we need to reread the thing again and cut, cut, cut... Yikes! Ouch! Run! So what i thought would be fun to do today, since Nikki opted to write our spiritual Sunday message this week so we swapped, is to add in our comments our favorite stuff that we've had to painfully cut from our manuscripts.
Okay, so I have so much from Pride & Popularity that never made the final cut. It's so sad really. I had a super hard time choosing just now which one to post... LOL! It's hard because no one will ever read this.
So the scene I chose was a random scene I had put in to show the relationship (just a glimpse) between Chloe and her dad. Once the book was all written, I realized I didn't need it after all. And it wasn't written in the same voice as the rest of the book, so it seemed awkward and out of place anyway... Even though I LOVE It! Okay so here it is:
Fully awake by the bright sun and curious to the world outside, I climbed out of my bed. As I looked out my bedroom window I tried hard to ignore the glorious flowers that beckoned me. It is days like these that I tend to forget that I am seventeen years old and to the rest of the world practically an adult.
As if by magic I could feel the gentle tugs and pulls of my imagination as it longed to transform into the shimmering fairy princess I used to be. Blake said I was a fairy queen. I wonder if he knew how close to the truth that was. Why did I hide my wings in the closet, anyway? Didn’t every girl my age have a pair of fairy wings hidden somewhere? Briefly I imagined what it would be like to show up to our four-wheeling spot on Wednesday with my fairy wings on.
That ought to shake them up a bit. Of course, I don’t think I’d be able to fit in Dillon’s jeep. They were rather large wings.
My father had made them one summer when I was eight years old. I watched as he had stretched and glued thin white pantyhose across the winged shaped wire. Then with a special spraying technique he had sprayed different colors of paint onto them until they resembled butterfly wings. My mom and I added touches of glitter that trailed in compliment with the curves of the colors. For a finished look, we glued a couple of large iridescent stones I had found in Mom’s flower vase onto the tips like moonstones.
They were the most beautiful wings any one of my friends had ever seen. All of them asked my Dad to make them some too. But Dad just smiled and said no. To date he has only ever made three sets of wings. For me, Cassidy and Claire. He says that we are truly his fairy princesses.
As if by magic I could feel the gentle tugs and pulls of my imagination as it longed to transform into the shimmering fairy princess I used to be. Blake said I was a fairy queen. I wonder if he knew how close to the truth that was. Why did I hide my wings in the closet, anyway? Didn’t every girl my age have a pair of fairy wings hidden somewhere? Briefly I imagined what it would be like to show up to our four-wheeling spot on Wednesday with my fairy wings on.
That ought to shake them up a bit. Of course, I don’t think I’d be able to fit in Dillon’s jeep. They were rather large wings.
My father had made them one summer when I was eight years old. I watched as he had stretched and glued thin white pantyhose across the winged shaped wire. Then with a special spraying technique he had sprayed different colors of paint onto them until they resembled butterfly wings. My mom and I added touches of glitter that trailed in compliment with the curves of the colors. For a finished look, we glued a couple of large iridescent stones I had found in Mom’s flower vase onto the tips like moonstones.
They were the most beautiful wings any one of my friends had ever seen. All of them asked my Dad to make them some too. But Dad just smiled and said no. To date he has only ever made three sets of wings. For me, Cassidy and Claire. He says that we are truly his fairy princesses.
So what are some of yours? And as always anyone can post a comment and share with us, so don't be shy! LOL! It's your chance to let someone else read it! Jenni
This was a scene (actually a small section of a chapter) that I cut from my first book (I ended up cutting the whole chapter). Too many people were telling me that Luke (Hailey's mom's boyfriend) was coming off as creepy so I had to limit their interactions. It made me so sad because I love Luke. But the last thing I wanted people to suspect is that he had yucky intentions towards my MC.
ReplyDelete“He’s a trained horse, Hailey. That little guy,” he said, pointing to the horse Hailey was petting, “is going to be more trouble than pepper here for the next few years.”
“Is it a requirement to name a horse after a seasoning or what?”
“I don’t name ‘em, I just board ‘em.”
“So who’s this?” Hailey asked, staring at the foal.
“Well, that is Blaze. It has to do with the white stripe that runs down his nose.”
“Very Bon Jovi-esqe. I like it.” She nodded approvingly, the lyrics to one of his songs running through her mind.
He tilted his head questioningly.
“You know, come on, Bon Jovi,” she said incredulously as he continued to stare at her. Who didn’t know Bon Jovi? “The rock singer.”
“Sorry to say, I’ve always been a country lover. My father was and his father before him. But I think I’ve heard of Bon Jovi.”
“You are a disgrace. Come on, man. Expand your horizons. You can love country and cheat on it a little sometimes. Haven’t you learned anything from the lyrics of the songs you love so much?” she asked in self-righteous indignation.
I love how descriptive that section was, Jenni.
ReplyDeleteI cut two chapter from the beginning of my first book because they didn't do anything for the story. One of them included the bus ride my MC took right after she ran away. Here's a snippet.
A woman exiting at the stop bumped Andi’s shoulder and for the first time she was aware of the people around her. She glanced over her shoulder, and the man sitting next to her quickly averted his gaze. Feeling suddenly self conscious, she stole a quick glance in the bus driver’s rear view mirror and stifled an unsteady laugh. She looked disheveled and dirty to say the least. Her clothes were covered in dirt and cobwebs from falling out the window, and she had matching dirty hand prints on each cheek where she had wiped away the sweat that was pouring down her face while she ran. Then there was the matter of her hair … it resembled a bird’s nest. Finding a bit of humor in the situation, she considered that the slightly off-balanced expression on her face was the perfect final touch to her newly acquired homeless status.
This is a hard one...I mean what haven't I cut? Seriously, I'm starting all over AGAIN! I already posted my original first paragraph a while ago, that will probably have to be my example for now!!
ReplyDeleteFrom another writing perspective; with writing my first book, a non-fiction how to craft book, I didn't find myself cutting things so much as stopping. I had to put a limit to the book. At each new turn I wanted to add more and more as the ideas came rushing in. Finally I capped it and put those other ideas aside as add ons if the editor wants more or for a sequal to the first book.
ReplyDeleteHere is one of many sections that got cut. I loved that little cloud *sniff sniff* ;)
ReplyDeleteThe sky above her was a brilliant shade of blue with only one small cloud marring its entirety. The cloud was misshapen and looked as though someone had wrapped elastic bands around it to keep it from evaporating in the heat. Lexi giggled at the idea and rolled over to look at Gwen. She was across the little valley walking around a small cactus with an especially big flower blooming from the top.
“Angle is everything.” It was something Gwen had told Lexi more than once. Lexi knew the motto was about more than just photography. Gwen was supremely optimistic; the phrase fit her attitude as well as her art.
I wish cutting was my challenge - I always end up having to beef things up, add more detail, more words. My current WIP is half the length it needs to be - and the first draft is done! Yikes...
ReplyDeleteWeston, I agree with you, that is my problem too. My first draft was shorter than my second revision, now I'm headed into my third revision and I think it will be even longer!! My writing teacher said there are two different types of writers. Those that write so much they have skim off the fat. And those that only write bare bones to begin with and have to flesh it out. I'm the second one!! I wish I was the first way too, then maybe I wouldn't have to do three complete revisions!! LOLOL! Welcome to our blog, Weston! Come back often!
ReplyDeleteWOW! Girls! These are awesome! I love that our cut WIP's can be published somewhere! And so sorry, I've been out of it in the comment department. I was finishing up Prince Tennysons Friday night and then I went down to the London Temple on Saturday and a movie.. so I been scarce from the comp. Thanks so much to everyone who posted! and Hello Weston! I've already said hi on your blog, but i thought I'd say it again. let us know if you need anything! Jenni
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